I have noticed an obvious lack of humor in this forum...

[musilowski]

Three Skaarjs were arguing about their qualities.
First one said: "I'm the most intelligent!"
Second one said: "I'm the strongest!"
The third one said: "I'm teh ugliest!"

Then they decided to ask the God about this.

First one entered heaven and came back: "Yay! I'm the most intelligent!"
Second one: "Whoohoo! I'm the strongest!"
Thirdone: "Who the heck is George W. Bush?"

*hides from flaming*

[legacy-FireCrack]

A skaarj warrior is traveling over a dense body laden lava feild, he slips and falls and then a genie comes and says he has 1 sish, he wishes for a translocator, then he wishes for the beacon to be placed on the platform, he translocates then realises his momentum was kept. he says "I wish i hadn't done that"


Yeah lame.

[musilowski]

Gorge and Frostbite were playing football and they kept a break and Frostbite said: "Now it's your time to be the ball!"

[Flak]

Rules of combat:

Xan

*Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two. Bring all of your friends who have weapons. Bring their friends who have weapons.
*Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
*Only hits count. Close doesn't count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
*If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly.
*Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
*If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weapon and a friend with a big weapon.
*In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived and who didn't.
*If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
*Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon.
*Use a weapon that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel ****** in the flintlock of your musket."
*Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
*In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
*Have a plan.
*Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
*Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon.
*Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
*Don't drop your guard.
*Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
*Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).
*Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
*The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
*Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
*Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
*Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
*Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4."

Skaarj

*See Xan Rules for combat
*Add 60 to 90 days
*Hope the Xan already destroyed all meaningful resistance


Mercs

*Spend three weeks getting somewhere
*Adopt an aggressive posture
*Send in the Xan
*Drink Coffee
*Bring back the Xan


Hellions

*Kiss your girl/guy good-bye
*Grab a target painter
*Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back.
*Pop in at the club for a couple with the guys
*Go home, BBQ some burgers and drink some more beer.

[legacy-catphile]

flak, that's sick.

[legacy-Tobbe]

Flak is scaring me. :cry:
You have seriously confused me. :up:

[musilowski]

Bumpage for this jokethread!