Official 'Joke' thread 2004!

[legacy-Tobbe]

Two tomatoes were playing ONS..(this one should be obvious already but..),so they were playing Onslaught and when attacking the middle node a Manta pancaked one tomatoe so the other one said come on...ketch up.
*insert hysterical laughter*

Tomatoe skins with the announcment "KETCHUP!" when pancaking requested.

[legacy-X@L3]

This is a true story from the "WordPerfect Helpline" which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the
WordPerfect organization for "Termination without
Cause." This is the actual dialogue of a former
WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(now I know why they record these conversations)

"Rich Hall computer assistance; how may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like
now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's
on?"

"I don't know."

“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see
that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall."

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of
it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

“Even if you maybe put your knee on something
and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's
because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off,
and the only light I have
is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power....... a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've
got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
manuals and packing stuff your computer came
in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take
it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!"

[legacy-dj seifer]

http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperf.htm

Not really true. :P Anyone remember this one from SimCity 2000?

These 3 strings walk into a bar. The first one goes to the bartender and says, "gimme a drink" and the bartender says "I'm sorry but we don't serve strings here." So the second string thinks that maybe if he asks nice the bartender will give him a drink. So the second string says to the bartender, "'scuse me sir, could I please have a drink sir, if it's not too much trouble? "And the bartender says," I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here, get out. "So the third string goes into the bathroom, bends himself into a loop, and messes up his hair. He walks up to the bartender, and the bartender says "excuse me, but aren't you a string?" And the string replies, "Nope. I'm a frayed knot.

[legacy-Lebowski]

What goes "OOO"?

















A cow with no lips.

[legacy-Dano13]

Here is one of my favourites, although its only funny in practice. Its a good ice breaker with the ladies as well ...

You say - Knock Knock

She Says - Whos There

You Say - Interrupting Cow

Then you wait until she STARTS saying "Interrupting Cow Who?", but BEFORE she can finish you say "MOO!"


Dano

[legacy-undrtakr]

Originally posted by Tobbe
Two tomatoes were playing ONS..(this one should be obvious already but..),so they were playing Onslaught and when attacking the middle node a Manta pancaked one tomatoe so the other one said come on...ketch up.
*insert hysterical laughter*

Tomatoe skins with the announcment "KETCHUP!" when pancaking requested.

KETCHUP reminded me of another joke.
Well....its not really a joke, it suppose to be said outloud:

Guy 1: Okay, whenever I say something, you say Ketchup and liquor.
Guy 2: Ketchup and Liquor
Guy 1: What did you have for breakfast?
Guy 2: Ketchup and Liquor
Guy 1: What did you have for Lunch?
Guy 2: Ketchup and Liquor
Guy 1: What would you do if you saw a fine girl walking down the street?
Guy 2: Ketchup and Liquor

Get it

If you don't, say it out loud.
If yout get it but still think its not funny, that's because they used to say that when I was in elementary. Just a little elementary humor

[legacy-jamiel1010]

3 men walk into a bar . . ouch

what do u call a man with a wooden head? . . . eddwood
what do u call a man with 3 wooden heads? . . . eddwoodwoodwood :haha:

2 Pieaces of black tarmack walk into a pub and sit in the corner and order some drinks, then 2 pieaces of green tarmack walk into the pub and start talking to the black pieaces of tarmack. one of the green pieaces of tarmack whispers into one of the black tarmacks ears and says " you have to watch out man theres some real bad pieaces of red tarmack around here They are real psyco paths hint " " they are real cycle paths!!! " :haha: :haha:

[legacy-jamiel1010]

Originally posted by undrtakr
KETCHUP reminded me of another joke.
Well....its not really a joke, it suppose to be said outloud:

Guy 1: Okay, whenever I say something, you say Ketchup and liquor.
Guy 2: Ketchup and Liquor
Guy 1: What did you have for breakfast?
Guy 2: Ketchup and Liquor
Guy 1: What did you have for Lunch?
Guy 2: Ketchup and Liquor
Guy 1: What would you do if you saw a fine girl walking down the street?
Guy 2: Ketchup and Liquor

Get it

If you don't, say it out loud.
If yout get it but still think its not funny, that's because they used to say that when I was in elementary. Just a little elementary humor

lmao :haha:

[legacy-Smudger]

Q) What do you say to a women with 2 black eye's
A) Don't let me tell you a thrid time b*tch

Q) Why haven't they sent women to the moon
A) It doesn't need cleaned yet

Q) Why do women have small feet
A) So they can get closer to the kitchen sink

Q) What do you do if your washing machine breaks down
A) Slap the b*tch

Q) What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in your bath
A) Throw in your dirty clothes & some washing powder

Peace out...

[legacy-undrtakr]

Originally posted by Smudger

Q) What do you do if your washing machine breaks down
A) Slap the b*tch

Okay, I dont' get this one:weird: