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  1. #1
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    Post Gears of War: The Soul Killer Saga - Alpha Killer

    Welcome to
    GEARS OF WAR: THE SOUL KILLER SAGA
    ALPHA KILLER

    Welcome to Alpha Killer, a new chapter in the legendary Soul Killer Saga written by fellow forum-member, Jay the Arbiter. 'What is the Soul Killer Saga?' you might say. We'll I'll break it down... The Soul Killer Saga is a stunning and breathtaking fanfiction that was created two years after the original Gears of War game was released back in the year of 2006. It revolves around the Soul Killers, an elite black-armored sect of Therons who are trained to be the biggest, strongest and most badass mofo's that the Locust can offer. Lead by Hakar, the only son of High General RAAM, the varied Soul Killers have burned a swath of destruction in their wake, with tasks ranging from taking down simple cog troopers to thwarting devastating weapons of mass destruction. Little to say, the Soul Killers have seen and did things that no other person, human or locust, can ever dare dream.

    There's alot of stories locked within the book that is the Soul Killer Saga. Many have been told, while others... are yet to be read. Alpha Killer is one such chapter in the story... and now, it is being told. Alpha Killer describes a significant 'adventure' in both Hakar and Krall's life which both changed them both; this adventure lead them into the yawning wilderness of the Hollows in search of one of the most veracious creatures in Sera's history... an ALPHA BRUMAK.
    MAIN CAST
    HAKAR [Official Soul Killer Character]
    Few beings can compare to Hakar, the Harbinger of the Soul Killers. Being the sole son of the great General RAAM himself, Hakar has proven himself time and time again through his strength, skill and determination; Hakar not only fights for Queen Myrrah and the Horde but also his Soul Killers, who he feels are his responsibility to protect. To him, the Soul Killers are his only family left and will do whatever it takes to avenge a fallen Soul Killer. Sometimes, Hakar snaps out of his usually-icy control when his temper breaks, turning him into a dangerous and unpredictable person.

    Outside the Soul Killers, Hakar is seen as a respected but savage psychopath of a hero who's constantly hellbent on vengeance. But Hakar cares little on how he is thought of, and more focused on what has been done and what needs to be done.

    KRALL [Official Soul Killer Character]
    The hybrid son of a Theron and a Kantus Priestess, Krall was outcasted as an inbred due to his strange appearance. Krall's Mother took pity upon her son and another lost soul named Myzfit, taking care of both of them instead of shunning them out. Because of this, Krall is highly protective of the Priestesses, demanding they be treated with respect. Krall himself has spent much time in the wilderness of the Hollows, spending hours hunting and luring out Rockworms with his chanting - a trait he inherited from his mother. One day, Queen Myrrah herself took interest in Krall after he defended the gates of Nexus from a Lambent incursion and demanding he take part in the armed forces.

    Taking advantage of his lightning-fast reflexes, Krall brings melee weapons into combat, seeing them as honorable and courageous weapons. Krall has been known to charge in with nothing but his chainsaw staff while screaming on top of his lungs... but hey, if you want to stop a jumping chainsaw-wielding maniac, be my guest.

    ARANAI THE CRIMSON MATRIARCH [Original Alpha Killer Character]
    -Unknown-
    SUPPORTING CAST
    CZESCAR [Official Soul Killers Character]
    Czescar was an drone in the Locust Defense Force assigned to Sacrificium, a Locust city located near Nexus, the Queen's capital. Even then, Czescar was harsh and critical, never sugarcoating conversations and constantly searched for flaws in his fellows or his city - Czescar hungered for improvement in everything, so he generally liked it when crimes were committed in his city. But several years before E-Day, Sacrificium was almost destroyed by a organized pack of Brumaks who destroyed half of the eastern wall, killed most of the city's resident defenders, tore the roofs of thirteen buildings and took five days of foods with them.

    Despite the loss, this event actually elevated Czescar into the Theron Sentinels as he was one of the handful remaining armed forces in the city and managed to notify the citizens to take shelter.

    ONWA [Official Soul Killer Character]
    Honest and loyal are the two words that best describe Onwa, the second-in-command of the Soul Killers and personal friend of Hakar. The strategist and tactician of the group, Onwa and Hakar have survived more scraps than anyone could care to count; at heart, the two Locust are brothers and will always have each other's backs. Clever and cunning, Onwa states that his position of lieutenant is suitable and nothing more is desirable but if Hakar is seems unfit to lead the Soul Killers, Onwa spares little time assuming the leadership of the Soul Killers until Hakar is once again fit to lead.

    Onwa is credited for missing his left eye, which was taken by a stray bullet on a raid against a Coalition of Ordered Governments base. Despite this, the venerated Onwa continues to serve at Hakar's side with little to no change. In short, nothing stops Onwa: he keeps going and going and going...

    SAUVIX [Official Soul Killer Character]
    The sarcastic, cynical and bad-tempered Sauvix acts as the medic of the Soul Killers. Few people can relate to him as Sauvix has had a terrible history. When Emergence Day kicked up, Sauvix took interest into humanity, studying them, their actions and technology. Before he joined the Soul Killers, Sauvix was viewed as a cowardly traitor for his actions and was sold out by a rookie in his squad, which ended having Sauvix locked in a jail cell. Offered freedom by Hakar, Sauvix joined the Soul Killers and established himself as their official medic.

    Sauvix despises rookies and sees them as morons. But despite his rough-around the edges personalty, Sauvix is intelligent, skillful and is extremely serious when it comes down to the point. He is also loyal to those who have earned his respect and trust, willing to do almost anything to protect them... but his trust is something not easily earned.

    TAUS [Official Soul Killer Character]
    Few would expect one of the greatest marksmen in Sera would smiling all the time. Taus is the resident scout and sharpshooter of the Soul Killers, known for surveying territories and picking off the enemy one-by-one. Rather quiet, Taus only speaks when directly spoken to and keeps to himself. But what he lacks in social skills, he makes it up with a sniper rifle; a master of the Longshot, Taus is a role-model for all aspiring sniper drones. Despite his legendary skills, Taus has never been one to boast. He is also smart, never underestimating an opponent no matter how weak they seem.

    Taus once suffered a life-threatening wound to the neck during the Soul Killer's (successful I might add) attempt to destroy the COG "Project Savior" supersoldier project. The wound brought him close enough to Death he could stare him down in the face but thanks to Sauvix's flawless medical skills, Taus managed to survive. He now keeps the bandage as a memento to never let your guard down.

    ZAACH [Official Soul Killer Character]
    Zaach was once a disposable, low-ranking grunt in the Locust Horde; he was nothing more than a easily-replaced cog in the machine. No one would've missed him if he died... alone and injured after the Lightmass Offensive, it seemed death was upon Zaach, but not only his life was slipping away, his own existence was fading into nothing. When all hope seemed lost, Zaach was rescued by Hakar, leader of the Soul Killers. Hakar conscripted Zaach into the Soul Killers soon after his wounds were healed, offering him a second chance. Taking it, Zaach managed to prove himself as a resourceful, observant and dependable soldier, earning him a true place among the Soul Killers.

    QUEEN MYRRAH [Official Gears of War Character]
    The supreme leader of the Locust Horde, Myrrah acts as the Queen of the Locust and their ultimate military-strategist. Myrrah plans to destroy the humans, recolonize her people to the surface and flood the Hollows to stop the Lambent. Once, long before the Locust-Human War, the Worm Goddess T'Chark foresaw the destruction of the Locust Horde and attempted to persuade Myrrah to not attack the surface for the sake of the Locust's survival. Boldly, Myrrah defied the ancient worm and prepared her army for war. Once she declared the offensive, Myrrah branded all follows of T'Chark as traitors and even rewrote the holy locust writing -the Trinity of Worms- to justify her means.

    Most Locust are willing to give up their lives in order to protect Myrrah and her beliefs. The Soul Killers act as Myrrah's 'ace of spades', often being deployed on missions that Myrrah believes no other locust can accomplish.
    WILL BE UPDATED.
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    Last edited by DragonzZilla; 03-22-2012 at 11:27 PM.
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  2. #2
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    Post Prologue

    Inner Hollows, City Sacrificium
    6 B.E., 9th Day of Security


    An echoing howl carried on the icy breeze that blasted the eastern wall as Czescar slowly strolled down the concrete walkway of the eastern wall in boredom; despite the little time he spent on it, the Locust guardsman was already growing weary of his patrol. The Drone tried to find anything that could take his mind off the boredom; Czescar stopped and sheathed his Hammerburst onto his back before leaning over the gap between two nearby merlons. Although it was relatively dark, Czescar could still see thanks to his species’ lowlight vision and the nearby Imulsion lanterns. Unlike the surface world far above it, the subterranean Hollows lacked a solar light-source. It was virtually impossible to tell time just by how bright it was - - fortunately, ancient Locust theorized that imulsion flowed differently according to the time of the year, thus the Locust Horde could tell time using the Hollows’ seemingly endless amount of imulsion.

    Czescar already knew much of the city’s surrounding area but from this elevation, the view was fantastic; even though drones were trained to be the perfect warriors, they were not incapable of feeling emotion… brotherhood, respect, fear and even wonder and awe. Dozens of mountain-like spires loomed over the landscape, forging a savage but breathtaking environment; the Sacrificium Road twisted and turned like a serpent in order to maintain a safe route. About half a mile away from the main road laid the Sea of Tears, Sacrificium’s neighboring body of water. The Sea of Tears had a long history of sorrow as one would expect; its abyssal waters are home to a variety of aquatic monsters that have terrorized the Horde… some records of the Sea even date back before the unification of the Horde, when the Locust were no more than primitive tribesmen. Sadly, this history did little for the still-bored Czescar who quickly turned his attention back to his patrol. The drone continued walking down the walkway but decided to jog after several paces in order to make up for lost time.

    About twenty feet down the path, another howl echoed. At first Czescar felt inclined to listen but ultimately decided to ignore it as it was no doubt a Kantus from another city. The communication between Kantus was not Czescar’s domain… so, why bother?

    Two figures appeared further down the path. Once Czescar drew close enough to make out their faces, he instantly recognized the two drones; Raahk and Baal. The ghostly-pale Raahk was the taller of the two and was also the skinner; his craggy pale-white scales and thinner build provoked images of skeletons in Czescar’s mind. Baal was only slightly shorter but was no less fear-inducing; Baal’s face was covered in healed-scars that were inflicted during a Wretch outbreak several months prior – the scars made Baal look more fearsome and older than he actually was, much to his pleasure.

    “Raahk and Baal,” Czescar drawled. “It’s been a while since I’ve last seen you two.”

    “Likewise… so, how goes your patrol, brother?” Raahk said.

    Czescar leaned his back against one of the merlons before speaking. “Uneventful as you can imagine; the city has not changed in days. Everything is predictable and repeats itself the following day... I hate it,” Czescar grumbled. “I wonder what it’s like for the other drones, the ones gearing up for the surface; I bet it’s better than anything I can get to do! The only highlight of my week was apprehending a terrible, terrible cutpurse. He fumbled after he snatched a bag from some Kantus’ sash, giving me enough time to assess the situation and get a clean look at the guy. He managed to get into the nearby alley before I caught up with him. He’s probably sitting in a jail cell by now,” Baal gave a rude snort but otherwise remained quiet as his comrade spoke up. “Excellent work; it is unfortunate that our lives are not as exciting as yours,” Czescar doubted the sincerity in his comrade’s voice but still took the complement. “Well, we must return to our patrol…”

    An earsplitting wail pierced through air, drawing the attention of the three drones instantly; the now-alerted trio gazed into the wilderness surrounding the city, rapidly scanning the landscape for the source of the sound. Then a second but even louder sound resonated through the cavern. “What in the Pit was that?!” Baal questioned in fear; a new gust of cold air blasted the drones, strengthening the enigma of the situation. On the spur of the moment, a massive boulder hurtled toward the three drones. “INNCOMMING!” The three attempted to dodge the terrible projectile as it soon obliterated a portion of the wall.

    Czescar found himself flat on his stomach on the still-intact floor of the battlement; chunks of refined-granite littered the walkway, Czescar included; the guard slowly rose to his feet, shaking off the rubble that landed on his back. Czescar turned to see a seven foot-wide piece of the wall was missing while Baal and Raahk were nowhere in sight. Czescar rose to a nearby crenel only to see more boulders flying towards him; the drone ran with all his speed toward the nearby perimeter-watchtower in a desperate attempt to reach safety and warn the city. Adrenaline and half-dozen questions flowed through Czescar’s body and mind as his boots stomped heavily upon the granite - - what’s going on? Who’s attacking us, is it the Lambent? Are Baal and Raahk dead? These questions were shoved down as Czescar decided to instead focusing on reaching the watchtower.

    The boulders began tearing through the wall like tissue paper, making it increasingly unstable with each hit; if Czescar didn’t make it to the tower in time, the wall would no doubt collapse, taking him with it. Czescar knew his life was on the line… hell, maybe the entire sake of Sacrificium depended on him. With only two meters to go and with the very stone under him was collapsing left Czescar with one viable option: don’t f*ck up. When the last several feet came into reach, the walkway to the watchtower fell apart in front of Czescar, forcing the drone to leap over the gap. Putting more into his sprint, Czescar jumped. Time seemed to slow as Czescar glided through the air; with his arms extended, the drone managed to land in the tower arms first. Czescar’s heart was pounding, threatening to burst out his chest and continue beating, but he wasn’t done… not by a long shot. Czescar frantically searched the interior of the perimeter watchtower for the alarm - - he’s never had to press it before now, let alone know where it is. Sound drained out of Czescar’s ears as he searched for his target in a frantic frenzy - - and after ripping apart the room, Czescar finally found the tower’s alarm button and slammed it with all his remaining strength.

    The tower’s alarm sounded, soon activating the entire network of city alarms, bring Sacrificium to full alert. Civilian drones and Kantus quickly took shelter as the city’s scattered armed forces rushed to the Eastern Wall. An exhausted Czescar himself slowly stumbled to the watchtower’s former entrance; what he saw defied explanation. Half of the entire wall was missing, reduced to nothing but rubble upon the floor. An uncountable amount of rock and stone filled the adjacent streets and covered the roofs of the nearby houses while dust still hung in the air. Czescar could scarcely believe it but here it was, right in front of him... years of construction and hard labor gone as if it never existed. Czescar then saw dozens of armed Drones and Boomers forming a defensive perimeter around the destroyed section of the wall.

    Suddenly, a trio of ear-deafening roars shattered the deathly silence... Czescar turned to see three unarmored Brumaks storm out of the dust! They overran the defensive formation of the Sacrificium warriors, sending them all into a panic. The behemoths thundered through, stomping on any unfortunate Locust who was caught underfoot; but the beasts payed little attention to the dismayed locust below them, scouring the landscape of Sacrificium as if they were looking for something. The brumaks began ripping off the roofs of houses, peering into the contents of each building in their search. The few locust that survived began shooting the brumaks with their weapons, doing little more than annoying the massive beasts. One turned towards its offenders and swiped them away with its left hand (sending the poor drones flying) before continuing its search.

    When Czescar thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Another roar sounded, but it wasn’t from the Brumaks already inside the city… this one came from outside the city. Then, a new brumak entered through the city wall but this one was different from the others. It stood almost a fifth taller than the rest and its hide was colored a distinct maroon, compared to the smaller, grey brumaks. The maroon brumak bellowed several different grunts which soon caught the attention of the others; the maroon brumak then pointed at an intact building with almost-sentient precision. All the brumaks descended upon the building, ripping off its roof with ease; a delicious smell greeted them as they looked down upon a Locust Butcher surrounded by dead Rockworms. The butcher squealed and ran out the door of the building, allowing the brumaks to claim their prize… each brumak took a handful of rockworm, cleaning the slaughterhouse of its precious meats. Two brumaks began to roar at each other when they both grabbed an especially large rockworm, only to have it snatched away by the maroon. The two formerly-arguing brumaks only looked at each other in realization, avoiding the eyes of the maroon.

    Now that they got what they came for, the four Brumaks quickly retreated back the way they came, escaping out their entrance in the former Eastern Wall. Leaving behind the lights of Sacrificium with every step, the four beasts eventually disappeared into the cold, dark embrace of the Hollows. Czescar didn’t know what was more unbelievable… the fact that his city was just destroyed at the safest time in the year or the fact that four dumb animals were smart enough to perform a successful smash-and-grab.
    Last edited by DragonzZilla; 03-06-2012 at 12:46 AM. Reason: Update
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  3. #3
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    Hot damn, someone actually remembers Czescar? I'm impressed, I only had him as a minor character in Dead will Rise, yet you've managed to give him quite a back story!

    Just two things I should point out:

    You know if you’re going to be a thief, you shouldn’t don’t dress like one!”
    That should probably either be "you shouldn't dress like one" or "you don't dress like one", though you said you weren't 100%, so typos can be abound. (I know. >.>)

    “OOOH S****!”
    You should probably replace that with a Locust style curse, as I don't think that "human" curse words would be known to Locust, unless you do what I do and say it's translated, but for the sake of it, a different curse might be needed.

    So far, I am interested! I look forward to more!

    Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make an update.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay the Arbiter View Post
    Hot damn, someone actually remembers Czescar? I'm impressed, I only had him as a minor character in Dead will Rise, yet you've managed to give him quite a back story! Just two things I should point out:

    That should probably either be "you shouldn't dress like one" or "you don't dress like one", though you said you weren't 100%, so typos can be abound. (I know. >.>) You should probably replace that with a Locust style curse, as I don't think that "human" curse words would be known to Locust, unless you do what I do and say it's translated, but for the sake of it, a different curse might be needed. So far, I am interested! I look forward to more! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make an update.
    Thanks for pointing that out. I updated it, fixing some grammar points and making the cussing more readable.

    Edit: Next episode, Onwa kicks Sauvix in the face.
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  5. #5
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    Face kicking sounds painful.

    I trust you won't keep me waiting for too long? ;p

  6. #6
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    Post Chapter One: Coming Home

    AUTHOR'S NOTE
    I made a Princess Bride reference in this one... dear Gods, I f*cking love that movie.
    Soul Killer Headquarters, Seran Surface
    14 A.E., Three Weeks after the Destruction of “Project Savior”


    Deep in a long-forgotten countryside, was a hill and on that hill sat a gnarled, white tree that bared few leaves. The tree and the hill overlooked a long-abandoned Coalition of Ordered Governments recreation facility; this decrepit facility was forgotten by the COG many years before-hand. Coincidentally, the base has had a recent operation history… but sadly, its caretakers have been away for many days and it seemed like this little hamlet would be forgotten once more.

    The earth shook and shuddered as a hole erupted from the ground. Crawling out the hole was a considerably-built, black-armored Theron Guardsman; the Theron pulled himself out of the E-Hole and onto the ground. The hanging sun that held behind several grey clouds burned the Theron’s eyes, causing him to raise his arm in response to the brightness.

    "What’s wrong, Zaach?" asked another theron emerging from the E-Hole. This theron was Onwa, the second-in-command of the Soul Killers. Loyal, responsible and courageous, Onwa would drip his last drop of blood for any of his team members. His onyx-colored armor carried dozens of visible nicks and scratches, establishing his age. Only a successful locust survived, and Onwa has most certainly survived. "Nothing, Onwa. It’s just bright that’s all," Zaach said modestly before turning around to greet his friend; Onwa only had his upper torso out of the fissure whilst he rested his arms, crossed, on the ground. "Several weeks underground does that to a surface-bound Locust," Onwa explained. The venerated locust’s voice was sharp, crisp but also refined, as if it was like a born warrior that somehow rose to the greater castes of nobility in some cruel, twist of fate.

    “If you two are done,” another voice interjected into the conversation. It was cynical, sardonic and had a touch of bitterness. “Could you get the Abyss out of the hole, Onwa? Unlike you and general up there, we don’t have the pleasure of personal space!” Sauvix barked. The long-suffering medic of the Soul Killers, the sharp-tongued Sauvix wasn’t an easy being to read. Even though Onwa began moving, Sauvix decided it wasn’t fast enough. “Move your ass already!” Onwa growled in displeasure, lightly slamming the sole of his boot into Sauvix’s face. "SON OF A WRETCH!" the medic cussed. As soon as Onwa vacated the hole, Sauvix pulled himself up to the surface, cradling his face with his hand. "YOU KICKED ME IN THE FACE!" he scolded. Onwa seemed unfazed by the medic’s anger, maintaining his usual cross-armed stance. "Consider it payback for being such a pain in everyone’s ass." Sauvix’s eyes narrowed and gave a low grumble before wandering toward the base, muttering inaudible curses before slamming the hideout door behind him.

    "He’ll get over it," Onwa stated blankly. "If anybody can withstand punishment, it’s Sauvix." Zaach would normally be unsure of such a bold affirmation, but in the short amount of time Zaach first joined the Soul Killers, he learned that Onwa was right most of the time, and Zaach trusted Onwa with his life; he didn’t argue.

    Taus was the next one to crawl out the emergence-hole. As always, Taus had a maniacal smile on his face but was currently hissing an ugly snarl. Zaach leaned over to help pull Taus out while Onwa stretched his arms and legs. “I hear you,” Zaach sympathetically directed toward Taus. “I know climbing’s hard, but I just couldn’t stand being in Nexus any longer; it was starting to feel like a cell,” Taus spoke in his usual whispery tone.

    "Cell… cell… I wonder why Sauvix always has to yell,"

    Zaach realized what Taus was suggesting and decided to go along with it. "Surely," Zaach drawled out. "It’s nothing of alarm…"

    "He’s just very low on… charm!"

    "Taus, you have such a wonderful gift of rhyme,"

    "Yes, yes but here comes the Prime…"

    Sure enough, as Zaach turned around back to the fissure, Hakar emerged from the E-Hole. Being the sole surviving son of the late General RAAM and the Harbinger of the Soul Killers, Hakar was something else. Although he wasn’t the largest of the Soul Killers, he was most definitely the scariest; his towering stature and massive build made him terrifying to behold. Adorned in his luster-black armor, Hakar could inspire equal amounts of fear and respect in anyone who laid eyes on him. The Harbinger observed the landscape, as if he were looking for any changes that transpired while he was away. "Where is Sauvix?" Hakar inquired. His voice was even more intimidating than Onwa’s; it resonated with power, evoking mental messages of 'obey me…'

    Onwa spook up to answer his friend’s inquiry. "Something hit his face on the way up," he said. "He’s already inside." Hakar gave a deep breath and removed his helmet; Hakar looked so much like RAAM that Zaach could see the late general standing before him. "What am I going to do with him?" Hakar sighed heavily. Hakar preformed a motion with his hand, signaling Onwa, Zaach and Taus to follow him inside. Once they went several paces, Onwa remembered something. "Wait," he remarked. "Where is the neophyte-" suddenly a new locust pounced out from the Emergence Hole. This locust was different from Zaach, Taus or anybody else in the Soul Killers; he was taller, leaner and had the physical traits of both Theron and Kantus. He was also carrying a pole-arm that had a chainsaw on the front-end. Landing on his hands, the locust raised his head to the trio with an altered face.

    "Pardon my lateness, Master Harbinger…" the locust addressed Hakar. "Spare me the formalities, Krall. We’re a team now; you will address me as who I am," Hakar insisted vigorously. "Sorry, Ma- I mean Hakar…" Krall caught himself. Hakar grumbled in acceptance of the neophyte’s correction; it was going to be a long day. "Come on," Zaach reassured Krall with a pat. "We’ll show you around,"

    Onwa opened the door to the hideout with a gentle push and guided everybody inside. The group entered a cavernous front-lobby. In front of them stood a grey counter; several cartridges and a Boltok revolver rested upon a clipboard, surrounded by several miscellaneous stacks of paper. Behind the counter, suspended on a degraded stone pillar hung a tattered flag that sported a skull that overlapped two crossed Torque Bows - - the banner was most likely red at one point by now most of the color has faded into a grayish-crimson. Dozens of windows lined the walls of the lobby while three closed doors lead elsewhere; each door had a label above it, identifying where the door ultimately led. In the center of the lobby was a massive ash-white oak tree; the tree loomed over everything else in the room with his grey-colored leaves. Krall felt an unexplainable aura stimulate his senses; it felt as if he was standing in the raw presence of mouth-silencing history. "Ah," Zaach slowly breathed in. "It’s nice coming home."

    "This is home?" Krall hinted at the shards of glass and piles of debris that littered the floor. Even though this place was awe-inspiring in its own way, Krall found it disappointing seeing how much time he spent in the glorious Locust capital-city of Nexus. "What’s wrong, boy… not what you expected?" Onwa questioned sarcastically. "Alas, it is not unfavorable to think so. It’s not pretty but it gets the job done,"

    "Indeed," Hakar avowed. "Take Onwa here for example!" Everybody burst into laughter, even Onwa. Such an event was an anomaly at best - - they were the biggest, strongest and smartest of their kind, waging a war against a barbaric enemy and here they were, laughing. Each Soul Killer cherished the moment as if it would never happen again. After a final chuckle, Onwa gave Hakar a friendly punch to his arm. "Good one, Master Harbinger. Remind me to laugh when I poke out one of your eyes," the laughing renewed once more before Hakar said, "Alright… alright, enough of that! Onwa, take Zaach and Taus to patrol the base for any unwanted guests… and try to find Sauvix on the way. I bet he’s still skulking about." Onwa accepted the order and began walking around the complex with Zaach and Taus in tow. After watching them disappearing around a corner, Hakar placed his hand on Krall’s shoulder. "Come with me - - I have something to show you," the young locust wondered what Hakar wanted to show him and followed him through one of the doors.

    The hall they entered had windows on one side and paintings on the other. Hakar payed no attention to his surroundings, he was slowly making his way to the end of the hall so Krall took time to look at the paintings. After brushing off some of their dust, Krall could realize that these paintings were absolutely beautiful, as if they were the real thing. It was amazing that even with a massive cultural gap Krall could see the aim of the artists. One such painting was titled 'Sea of Gold' by a human named 'Albert McKnight' where it portrayed a glowing sea but it almost seemed as the water was Imulsion…

    "Neophyte, what in the Inferno are you doing?" Krall turned his attention to see Hakar at the end of the hall, waiting by the door. "Coming!” Krall responded before taking one last look and running to the end of the hall. "A thousand pardons, Hakar… I found myself, uh, distracted by the artwork." Hakar only gave an irritated growl before opening the door with his right hand. The first thing Krall saw was an elevated platform that had four posts that were each connected with ropes. Krall stepped inside the room and stood in awe; there were dumbbells, weights and odd-looking contraptions and most surprisingly, a makeshift shooting range that was set up around a missing wall. When Krall turned to Hakar to ask what they’d be doing, he already saw a bare-torsoed Hakar standing near the box-arena.

    The Soul Killer simply said, "Let’s get started."
    Last edited by DragonzZilla; 03-18-2012 at 02:40 AM.
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    Alrighty! So far so good!

    Let me just point out some things that caught me:

    Consider it payback for being an asshole, ace.”
    Again, seems kind of a weird insult for a Locust to use, Sauvix is understandable using "ass" or "asshole" because of his knowledge of human language. I'm guessing perhaps Onwa stuttered when saying the word?

    Taus was whispering a ugly snarl
    Should be an ugly snarl.

    On the flag was a representation of the Brumak, one of the fiercest creatures in the entire Hollow
    This is my fault because I should have told you the flag had been changed since I wrote Revival. The SK Flag is now the one you see on the first page of the Codex (Locust Symbol with a Skull in the centre and two torque bows on the bottom sides.)

    ---

    Though yeah, you are doing good! Keep it up!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay the Arbiter View Post
    Alrighty! So far so good! Let me just point out some things that caught me. Again, seems kind of a weird insult for a Locust to use, Sauvix is understandable using "ass" or "asshole" because of his knowledge of human language. I'm guessing perhaps Onwa stuttered when saying the word? This is my fault because I should have told you the flag had been changed since I wrote Revival. The SK Flag is now the one you see on the first page of the Codex (Locust Symbol with a Skull in the centre and two torque bows on the bottom sides.)

    Though yeah, you are doing good! Keep it up!
    Yes. I'm kinda stumbling but hey, I'm putting in my effort, which is more than usual. Next episode, Hakar publicly kicks Krall's ass.
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    Quote Originally Posted by DragonzZilla View Post
    Yes. I'm kinda stumbling but hey, I'm putting in my effort, which is more than usual. Next episode, Hakar publicly kicks Krall's ass.
    Wait, am I sounding discouraging?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay the Arbiter View Post
    Wait, am I sounding discouraging?
    No but I'm noticing my own faults as they're pointed out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by DragonzZilla View Post
    No but I'm noticing my own faults as they're pointed out.
    Oh right, I'd feel pretty bad if I was putting you off!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay the Arbiter View Post
    Oh right, I'd feel pretty bad if I was putting you off!
    You said it yourself, you're a lousy critic. If you've read the ending of Chapter One, you can guess what can happen next.
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    Quote Originally Posted by DragonzZilla View Post
    You said it yourself, you're a lousy critic. If you've read the ending of Chapter One, you can guess what can happen next.
    Oh, so I'm not good enough now?

    Just joking, of course. xD

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    Post Chapter Two: First Lession

    AUTHOR'S NOTE
    I was reading Berlin Boxing Club -which I can say is a fabulous book- when I thought of this scene. In fact, this scene was originally going to be the first Chapter but I decided to elongate the story. Also, there was going to be a scene where Hakar teaches Krall the rules of combat but I ultimately decided to scratch it.

    * In my eyes, Locust leather-workers skin deceased Hollow animals to create armor for Therons. Your standard theron receives Bloodmount leather, Sentinels receive Reaver hide, while Palace Guard receive Brumak skin. But only the best is reserved for the Theron Elite Guard... black therons have the honor of wearing Brumak Alpha hide... more later on how that is attained.

    ** Locust unarmed combat and martial art schools name their fighting styles after certain creatures in the Hollow.

    *** Reference to Hakar's fight with the Savior Soldier at the climax of Revival.
    Soul Killer Training Room, Soul Killer Headquarters
    14 A.E., 8 minutes after the Return

    Krall stood beside
    the dumbbells as a baretorsoed Hakar stepped onto the elevated platform of the gym. "Get up here, Neophyte!" Hakar commanded. "It's time for your first lesson," Krall took a step toward the roped-off platform. "-and leave your staff; this will be an unarmed fight." Krall unsheathed his chainsaw staff and laid it upon the adjacent bench. He then pulled himself onto the platform and through the ropes. Krall's feet rested conformtably on the faded-blue matting; the neophyte then noticed a representation of a dull-white gear on the middle of the matting. "This used to be the gym of this human recreation center... that the Humans abandoned this place years before we got here. This is what they call a boxing ring, according to Sauvix. Humans fought in these rings in unarmed fights for pleasure and fame. Now, I'll use it to train you."

    Krall took off his Theron-chest piece and tossed it out of the ring; the reinforced Bloodmount* leather cuirass hit the ground with a thud. Krall then rose his fists in a combat stance. Krall and Hakar began walking around the ring, not taking their eyes off each other. Hakar "Have you fought with your fists before, Krall?" The neophyte shook his head in response. "Not in a real fight, Hakar. Only in petty brawls and training" Hakar grumbled lowly but said, "Well... this will be enlightening experience for you then. You've got solid footwork and a decent stance, but I've also been told you're quick... show me." With that, Krall stepped forward and unleashed a quick session of punches while constantly moving. Hakar on the other hand, blocked all of Krall's attacks quite easily.

    "Your footwork and stance suggest the Serapede move-set** but your offensive is Corpser-based**. Nice, pretty nice... but they have their drawbacks," Hakar then swept his left leg under Krall's feet, sending the neophyte to the ground. Krall looked up to see Hakar looming over him. "Even good Serapede users can be overwhelmed by someone who uses a Leviathan Sweep**." Hakar grabbed onto Krall's arm and pulled him with quickly, whipping him to the opposite side of the ring. "Let's see if you can defend!" Hakar barreled down upon the poor neophyte, landing corresponding blow after blow upon Krall's defenses but Krall refused to break. Underneath the handwork, the two Locust's feet were constantly in motion, each pair despairingly trying to find new footing. Hakar then threw in a surprise kick which managed to break upon Krall's defenses, sending the recruit stumbling backwards. His opponent disorientated, Hakar took advantage and hurled a powerful punch, sending the neophyte into the ropes.

    His head spinning, Krall noticed Onwa and Zaach were outside the ring. "You're doing alot better in the ring than I thought you would, kid..." Onwa reported. "Not alot of new timers can stand toe-to-toe in the ring with Hakar. But let me help you out," Krall struggled to his feet and listened in to the advice of the venerated theron. "This fight's more than throwing alot of punches and avoiding getting hit. Watch how he moves his feet, notice where his arms go after he attacks... study how he moves." Krall nodded in appreciation of the knowledge and turned back around to Hakar.Sauvix sat on a bench, using a fifty-pound dumbbell, watching the action from outside the ring. "Hey, Zaach!" Sauvix insisted, drawing Zaach's attention. "Three pounds of Rockworm Hakar paves the Neophyte." Zaach only smiled and said, "You're on."

    Back inside the ring, Hakar blocked several more of Krall's punches with ease. Secretly, Krall was studying the Harbinger's build; Hakar's reflexes were magnificent and his strength was far beyond Krall's. However, Krall began noticing that Hakar left his center open after every punch and was starting to slow; Krall theorized that the Soul Killer leader wouldn't think to protect his chest given that his attacks were overwhelming enough to overstimulate his target's concentration - - in theory, all Krall needed to do is punch at the right moment. Krall allowed Hakar to push him into one of the corners, keeping his block up. Hakar continued pounding on the neophyte's defenses, playing right into Krall's hands. After seeing Hakar slow after his eighth punch or so, Krall saw his chance to strike. Krall gave a vicious uppercut, catching the Soul Killer Harbinger off-guard, forcing Hakar to step backwards. Krall launched another attack, landing a solid hit on Hakar's cheek, sending him another step back. The neophyte kept the pressure on, pushing Hakar half-way across the ring before finishing a breathless Hakar with a determined headbutt, forcing Hakar to collapse back-first onto the floor.

    Everyone seemed to be left speechless by Krall's accomplishment, with Sauvix in peculiar. Krall breathed deeply, trying to gather as much oxygen into his lungs as he could. Hakar's voice crackled to life, chuckling. The Harbinger rose his torso from the mat, working his jaw. "Not bad, Krall. Not bad at all... it's been a while someone's given me a good beating... well, anybody I'd consider an equal***." Krall smiled weakly, amazed at his own performance. "Thank you, sir. Let me help you up," Outside the ring, Sauvix's mouth was still open, his body paralyzed from what transpired. Zaach approached the dazed medic and poked him in the shoulder. "You owe me three pounds," Zaach ten snatched the dumbbell from Sauvix's hand and placed it on the self.
    Last edited by DragonzZilla; 02-25-2012 at 11:44 AM.
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    Heh, move styles based off of animals, kind of like Mantis, Monkey, Hung Gar (Tiger Fist), Snake and that.

    "Not in a real fight, sir.
    You probably want to avoid the word "Sir" when dealing with Locust, that's more of a humanism. Something like "Leader" or just having him say "Hakar" would do.

    Hey, Zaach!" Sauvix insisted, drawing Zaach's attention. "Three pounds of Rockworm Hakar creams the Neophyte."
    Again, you might want to find a different word for "Cream" as that's a human slang, unless Sauvix was being very esoteric.

    Anyhow, good good!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay the Arbiter View Post
    Heh, move styles based off of animals, kind of like Mantis, Monkey, Hung Gar (Tiger Fist), Snake and that.
    You probably want to avoid the word "Sir" when dealing with Locust, that's more of a humanism. Something like "Leader" or just having him say "Hakar" would do. Again, you might want to find a different word for "Cream" as that's a human slang, unless Sauvix was being very esoteric. Anyhow, good good!
    Didn't you use sir in your stories?
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    Keep in mind, that's from my older work when I was still learning. If I get my Revival Re-write back on the front page, you'll see I removed the word "sir" for something else.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay the Arbiter View Post
    Keep in mind, that's from my older work when I was still learning. If I get my Revival Re-write back on the front page, you'll see I removed the word "sir" for something else.
    Anyway, what do you think's gonna happen next, mi'lord?
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    Good Question, I'm guessing we're not ready for the hunt just yet, so anything could be!

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    Pulled a massive update on the Prologue.
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    Post Chapter Three: Tidings of Doom

    AUTHOR'S NOTE
    Wrote during school; will be updated.
    Inner Hollows, Nexus Palace
    14 A.E., Three Weeks after the Destruction of "Project Savior"


    Queen Myrrah sat slouched in her throne. The entire throne-room sat in silence; the few times Myrrah wasn't giving speeches to the troops or organizing the Horde's military efforts, she spent in her throne-room planning. The Queen's eyes, visible to the golden-armored Palace Guard, were cold. It did not seem Myrrah was looking directly at the guards of the throne room entrance, but rather staring forward in her calculating. She unconscionably began tapping her nailed fingers on her arm chair, filling the air with a rhythmic tapping.

    The air changed, sending a chilling breeze up the guards' spines; the crisp wind seemed to awaken them, bringing up to full awareness. Myrrah stopped tapping her fingers. "I know you're here, Gbaba." Suddenly, six red eyes flared to life in the shadows of the pillars; the guards rose their customized Lancers in suspension. "Stand down," Myrrah ordered. The guards grinded their teeth in conflict but lowered their weapons. "Pardon my intrusion, my Queen..." Gbaba said in his whispery tone. Even though Gbaba emerged from the shadows, one could easily mistaken him as one.

    Captain Gbaba could be described as an anomaly, at best. He was taller, weighed less and possessed a dark grey skin tone. When he was born, the poor Gbaba was seen as mishap to the adult drones and was condemned to death... but fortunately for the Locust whelp, Queen Myrrah herself ordered the child to be spared and she offered Gbaba a chance to prove himself. Since then, Gbaba has been fanatically loyal to the Queen - more so than others- as she was not only his ruler but also his savior. Gbaba was the captain of the Royal Seekers -a small sect inside the Locust Spotters; with his unique appearance, Gbaba was a natural at stealth, placing him high above the other Seekers even before he was trained.

    "There is no apology needed, Captain," Myrrah assured. "What news do you bring?"

    "We lost contact with Spearhedge - - the city has gone silent."

    Myrrah rose from her throne and began walking about, trying to gather her thoughts. She knew all too well that if a city becomes silent, they're were as good as dead. Kantus monks were the official messengers between cities with their thundering shouts that echoed through the Hollows; if a city became silent... that leaves only a few explanations...

    "To the Lambent?" Myrrah asked inquisitively.

    "No, my Queen. Spearhedge was not claimed by the Swarm; the last message the city gave out was 'crimson'..." Silence once again filled the room; Myrrah herself seemed to be in shock as she stared, startled, at Gbaba. "Are you sure of this?" Myrrah responded uneasily. "There are no other explanations, your highness. Aranai has returned," Myrrah then slid into her throne. Frustration slowly boiled inside her, something usually keep in check by her icy control. "I..." Myrrah stumbled, which rarely happened. "I will not allow this... for far too long, as this wretched beast has been a thorn in my side. No more!" Her voice rose, catching Gbaba slightly off-guard; Myrrah then rose from her seat and pointed at one of the palace guards. "Notify Skorge, tell him to double the security of every city! I want every city ready!" The guard quickly bowed and soon disappeared behind the throne-room doors. "What of me?" asked Gbaba. "You will stay here, for now. I will soon have a message for you to deliver..." Myrrah turned and stormed off into her private quarters, infuriated.

    - - - - - -

    Krall stood with Hakar at his side, looking upon a large dining-room that smelled of meat. There was a large circular-table, capable of sitting ten, that had a scratched-out cog. Various food stains covered the table, leading Krall to believe that the table was used often. Hakar patted Krall on the back, almost knocking the wind out of the unsuspecting neophyte. "Tonight, Krall, we shall celebrate your training and our return to the war-front. Let us feast!" announced Hakar in a cheer. Hakar then unsheathed his rifle and placed it in a nearby weapons-rack before finding his seat - - the place Hakar sat in was larger than the rest, more of a throne than a chair. The Harbinger then gave a gesture with his hand, signalling the rest of the Soul Killers to sit.

    Each Soul Killer found a chair and sat at the table, whilst Krall found himself without one himself. Zaach quickly noticed this after seeing the neophyte's face, and pulled up a stool for Krall to sit in. Krall managed to crack a faint smile before taking his seat. Krall found it weird to sit in the awkward construct but adapted. Krall then took a wide look at the other Soul Killers, who's eyes were on him. Krall never before felt this sense of brotherhood and compassion the Soul Killers have given him, and he was still an outsider; he was a hybrid, an outcast... yet the mightiest of the Locust Elite took him in as a treasured soul. Krall tried to comprehend the reasons but his concentration was broke when Onwa busted through a faded-blue door; the lieutenant was carrying several huge plates that each had piles of food; each plate held a collaboration of rockworm steak, underground mushrooms and other various consumables whilst the smell filled the room, elevating Krall's spirits.

    As everyone took their plates, a stern-looking Sauvix suddenly appeared with his arms behind his back. The medic observed but otherwise did not open his mouth, which surprised Krall at first. Sauvix simply snatched one of the plates and disappeared from the room just as quickly as he appeared. Krall rose his eye in confusion and turned to Onwa, asking, "What was that about?" Onwa almost fell into his seat and pulled his dish over to him. "Its... 'normal' for him. Sauvix usually takes his food into his study; we don't see him most nights." Onwa then scooped up a handful of food and stuffed it into his face. After swallowing, Onwa grunted, "Dig in." Zaach and Taus began eating themselves but Krall found himself still staring at his plate. "You... uh, you guys don't... pray?" Hakar looked up at the neophyte inquisitively. "Pray?"

    "Yeah... pray. I'm used to praying to T'Chark for what I have... you guys don't do that kinda thing?"

    The Soul Killers looked bewildered at the mention of the name. "Who?" Taus whispered. "T'Chark the Worm Goddess; the Allmother. You don't pray to her?" Hakar took a chunk out of a mushroom before speaking. "We don't pray exactly. We commemorate those who have fallen in this war and those who are dying to end it... listen, Krall." Hakar's voiced changed, taking a more serious tone. "We don't pray to a god or any god for that matter... we aren't priests: we're soldiers. What we focus on is reality; soldiers are rooted in reality and fight to maintain it. Praying to something raises your hopes, and hopes-" Hakar rose his hand and squeezed it, crushing the mushroom inside. "-can be crushed." Krall gave a baffled look to Hakar then Onwa spoke up for the neophyte. "You're confusing hope with faith, Hakar. Faith is an illusion granted by priests; hope is a soldier's tool... it's what makes us strong."

    The ground rumbled, shaking the light suspended from the ceiling. Zaach said, "What the-" the ground rumbled again, this time with greater intensity. "We weren't told anyone was coming up," Hakar said. "So that means..." Onwa was already by the weapon's rack. "We got company," Onwa said to finish Hakar's sentence. Onwa began throwing people their weapons and rushed outside the dining room with his own. Everyone mobilized, following Onwa with guns in-hand; Krall was the only one who wasn't armed. Krall leapt from his stool and snatched his chainsaw staff and ran after the others.

    Everyone was by the counter once Krall entered the lobby. It was dark now; thankfully, the Kryll haven't appeared in months so the night was that much safer. Krall opened the door outside to see everyone behind cover already but nothing was happening. The ground shook once more, even stronger. Hakar held his black-plated Lancer with strong conviction. The possibility that COG found the base was likely but something else was possible as well; the Lambent might be breaking to the surface. The thought, the very idea of it, was unbelievable... yet terrifying. Krall prepared for the worst.

    The ground exploded, showering the Soul Killers with a hail of dirt. A monstrous thing, a Reaver, burst from the ground, bearing blood-red affiliation lights. The massive beast landed and stood vigiliantly in front of the Soul Killers. "Hold your fire," Hakar proclaimed. "Friendly." In the dark of the night, the reaver seemed almost invisible but its lights betrayed its presence; the lights portrayed it as if it was covered in glowing red blood. "You are the Soul Killers?" a ghastly voice said. Hakar noticed that the Reaver bore a rider, who wore pitch-black armor. The question was more of a demand rather an inquiery.

    "Yes," Hakar replied. He had his 'don't-screw-with-me' voice on. "We are the Soul Killers."

    "So you must be the Harbinger."

    The black rider seemed to rummage through something before pulling out an object. He tossed it to Hakar, who caught it perfectly. "The Queen herself requests you read that message." Hakar noticed the object was actually a scroll, bond with the royal signet. "What is it about?" Hakar commented. The rider shook his head in denial, "It is not my place to know of the Queen's dealings. It is for your eyes alone. Now I must return to my duties," the reaver rose into the air and flew around in a sweep before ramming itself down the hole it emerged from, disappearing while simultaneously closing the E-Hole.

    Everyone seemed to turn their gaze toward Hakar, all of their eyes locked with his. "Come on," Hakar declared. "Let's see what this is about,"
    Last edited by DragonzZilla; 03-22-2012 at 10:40 PM.
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    I hadn't commented on this chapter at first, because last I checked, it had the "will be updated soon" note on it. Teaches me to check back more often though.

    One thing I would suggest, would be to add that when Krall mentions T'Chark, the other Soul Killers look bewildered, as around this time, they aren't fully aware of T'Chark... or Myrrah's deception.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay the Arbiter View Post
    I hadn't commented on this chapter at first, because last I checked, it had the "will be updated soon" note on it. Teaches me to check back more often though.

    One thing I would suggest, would be to add that when Krall mentions T'Chark, the other Soul Killers look bewildered, as around this time, they aren't fully aware of T'Chark... or Myrrah's deception.
    Edited it. What do you think so far? I actually thought I lost this chapter when I accidently closed the tab and checked only to see it not there.
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    So far, I think it's coming along fine. Seems to be going at a nice, steady pace!

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    Holy moses, I think I'm witnessing a rebirth of the Locust fan-fiction through you, Zilla. Kind of appropriate how you've got the Locust-king himself guiding you along. Anyway, as for the writing itself, I think its not too shabby. You've done a good job of keeping to the SK lore and I think if you've got Jay's approval, you sure as hell have mine. Length is not bad, not too short but not too long. Pretty solid piece here, in my opinion.

    I'll check in every now and again but for the most part, I won't be as active as I was previously. It really was the Gears + people that got me posting on here in the first place. Unless Epic release an awesome game or something. I'm leaving this message because I'm obviously a very, very important person.

    Hope to see a lot of you on the BT Forums! - 11/02/2014 (lol)

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    Quote Originally Posted by SKORGE View Post
    Holy moses, I think I'm witnessing a rebirth of the Locust fan-fiction through you, Zilla. Kind of appropriate how you've got the Locust-king himself guiding you along. Anyway, as for the writing itself, I think its not too shabby. You've done a good job of keeping to the SK lore and I think if you've got Jay's approval, you sure as hell have mine. Length is not bad, not too short but not too long. Pretty solid piece here, in my opinion.
    Wow... thanks for the feedback, Skorge and being the first non-supporter to comment on my work.
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    No problem man. I figure I better go around and read a few of the work that I've been holding off of for months now. Keep going man, you've got a knack for writing!
    I'll check in every now and again but for the most part, I won't be as active as I was previously. It really was the Gears + people that got me posting on here in the first place. Unless Epic release an awesome game or something. I'm leaving this message because I'm obviously a very, very important person.

    Hope to see a lot of you on the BT Forums! - 11/02/2014 (lol)

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    Quote Originally Posted by SKORGE View Post
    No problem man. I figure I better go around and read a few of the work that I've been holding off of for months now. Keep going man, you've got a knack for writing!
    Thanks; that mean's alot coming from anybody, especially from you.
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    I'm flattered.

    Others will comment, it just takes time. All you have to do is write and someone might even drop by with a new account made just to comment.
    I'll check in every now and again but for the most part, I won't be as active as I was previously. It really was the Gears + people that got me posting on here in the first place. Unless Epic release an awesome game or something. I'm leaving this message because I'm obviously a very, very important person.

    Hope to see a lot of you on the BT Forums! - 11/02/2014 (lol)

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    Kind of like how someone signed up just to tell Rak that his piece was awesome?

    You'll get yours soon!

  31. #31

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    Well, I read the first chapter and yeah, it's pretty good.

    Personally speaking, I wouldn't have done the info dump thing at the beginning. Much as I like character profiles and stuff, I don't think an info dump at the start is the best way to draw readers in. Usually you use an opening paragraph to draw readers into your story, by writing an opening that excites their imagination and compels them to read on to learn more. But I digress.

    I liked all the lore and mythology type stuff, you know, it was nicely detailed and imaginative. Not entirely sure about the Earth like quasi-medieval setting. The Locust do have technology and they're also a completely alien culture, so I'd liked to have seen some of that included.

    I guess the Brumak smash and grab will be explained later? They must be pretty desperate for food.

    But yeah, good start. You definitely have some talent for writing, so let's see what happens next.

  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheRealBigBoss View Post
    Well, I read the first chapter and yeah, it's pretty good.

    Personally speaking, I wouldn't have done the info dump thing at the beginning. Much as I like character profiles and stuff, I don't think an info dump at the start is the best way to draw readers in. Usually you use an opening paragraph to draw readers into your story, by writing an opening that excites their imagination and compels them to read on to learn more. But I digress.

    I liked all the lore and mythology type stuff, you know, it was nicely detailed and imaginative. Not entirely sure about the Earth like quasi-medieval setting. The Locust do have technology and they're also a completely alien culture, so I'd liked to have seen some of that included.

    I guess the Brumak smash and grab will be explained later? They must be pretty desperate for food.

    But yeah, good start. You definitely have some talent for writing, so let's see what happens next.
    I rolled with what I had.
    I currently have one infraction. It expires May 31st, 2013.


 

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