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Thread: UT jokes

  1. #1
    God King
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    Big Grin UT jokes

    I like UT jokes. That's why I think we need a thread where we collect them
    Here is a nice joke:

    Have you been asking yourself if you play too much UT?
    Here you have a checklist:
    1. You play too much UT if you know stock maps better than your own home.
    2. You play too much UT if in your opinion boots in the shoe store look like jump boots.
    3. You play too much UT if you always look up while in the elevator.
    4. You play too much UT if you try to lift-jump.
    5. You play too much UT if you always hear rockets loading while walking down an empty corridor.
    6. You play too much UT if you try to dodge in physical education.
    7. You play too much UT if you jump out of the window to take a shortcut while in the 3rd floor.
    8. You play too much UT if you've read a sign but can't remember it and suddenly you notice that you have no F2 where you can look up the whole chat to read it again.
    9. You play too much UT if you type T in front of every chat message.
    10. You play too much UT if you steal your neighbours flag.
    11. You play too much UT if you steal a car and you're surprised not to hear the "Hijacked" announcement but the alarm instead of it.
    12. You play too much UT if you miss announcements in general!
    13. You play too much UT if you go camping with a sniper rifle.
    14. You play too much UT if you try to hammer-jump to bed (literally hammer-jump).
    15. You play too much UT if you sign a contract (with clantag and) ingame nick.
    16. You play too much UT if you think you will respawn when you died.
    17. You play too much UT if you are asking yourself what "real life" is.
    18. You play too much UT if you make UT jokes.

    Btw, this checklist was actually longer but I saw it on a website and can't remember which one it was. Also, Google search didn't help. This joke was actually a German one and it might be wrong translated and I added some headwords to it which were not there in the original because it was from a UT99 fan site. I just updated it.

    However, I guess now you know if you play too much UT.

    I also had some pics, like "campers" on LavaGiant in UT99, but I can't find the website anymore There was also a pic of the "Church of the Redeemer"

    But I found this one (although the other camper pic was funnier because the whole team has been grilling marshmallows )
    This Image Was Automatically Resized by using the Screenshot Tag.  Click to view the full version

    Post your jokes
    Last edited by Sly.; 01-28-2012 at 09:03 AM. Reason: checklist
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  2. #2
    God King
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    Default

    Hmm, finding jokes might be hard, but funny screenshots are easy:
    This Image Was Automatically Resized by using the Screenshot Tag.  Click to view the full version

  3. #3
    MSgt. Shooter Person
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    One time, years ago, I was playing WAY to much of UT99, and I swear that as I was outside going for Slurpees that I heard the sound of someone spawning. I freaked out! And I was like "DID YOU HEAR THAT!?"
    But of course, I'm just crazy, so whatevs eue
    You've got the touch. You've got the power. Yeah.

  4. #4
    God King
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    LOL Looks like the checklist is not really a joke!
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  5. #5
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    I did try dodging during physical education In fact, it was quite useful when being chased since nobody expects such a quick turn.

  6. #6
    Boomshot
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    MY CAR KEYS!
    This Image Was Automatically Resized by using the Screenshot Tag.  Click to view the full version
    (stolen from Obsol33t)
    Last edited by Skred; 07-19-2010 at 05:07 AM.
    -Smart bombs, position guided armaments; a more sophisticated way to end up dead
    -On this day, I decide to anoint my fists; engaging them in the mode of power and war
    wut?

  7. #7
    God King
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    LMAO! WOW this one's nice! But use the SHOT-tag for this one, it's pretty big

    BTW does the original Levi really have this lettering? LOL Can't remember it.
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  8. #8
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    Probably not. The Kraken has also the nice writing on it's back "honk if you ♥ squid".

  9. #9
    Boomshot
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sly. View Post
    LMAO! WOW this one's nice! But use the SHOT-tag for this one, it's pretty big
    I did
    -Smart bombs, position guided armaments; a more sophisticated way to end up dead
    -On this day, I decide to anoint my fists; engaging them in the mode of power and war
    wut?

  10. #10
    God King
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    Yea but in an edit later, right? When I saw it first it was even bigger than my highest resolution (1280x1024)
    But now back 2 topic. Anybody else got some jokes?

    EDIT: YAY! POST #1,000 and checklist updated
    Last edited by Sly.; 07-18-2010 at 09:48 PM.
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  11. #11

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    If you take a close look at the toiletcar you can see there 'BABY IN TANK' I was like LMFAO when I saw this.
    This Image Was Automatically Resized by using the Screenshot Tag.  Click to view the full version
    Last edited by Infernus.; 07-19-2010 at 03:43 AM.
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  12. #12
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    I actally hear some sounds, like I am seeing a webpage and then I hear like the rocket launcher, and I freak out.

    Yesterday this happened, but I don't remmember wich sound it was, no wait it was the menu mouse over sound xD

    I haven't tryed to dodge, but when I was little, I walked on the wall (this is true, not a jocke) (if it isn't a jocke why did I puted it here?!? o0 ho because of the matrix monkey movements mutator xD)
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  13. #13
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    @Troy: I know this one I was like WT* when I saw this the first time. And I laughed a lot as well!

    Now to my checklist related post
    I actually had a phase where I played that much UT99 that I wrote T in front of every chat message LOL That's not a joke! It's true!
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  14. #14
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    tI still do that on IRC chats..lol
    -Smart bombs, position guided armaments; a more sophisticated way to end up dead
    -On this day, I decide to anoint my fists; engaging them in the mode of power and war
    wut?

  15. #15
    Deathless

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    why to writte T when chating, what does that has to do witht the game? o0 I am confused now
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    "any shot you hear is nothing to be worried about."

  16. #16
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    T is the default keybind to write a chat message ingame.

    I always map it to dot and comma, though.

  17. #17

  18. #18
    Boomshot
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    hehe
    +++++
    -Smart bombs, position guided armaments; a more sophisticated way to end up dead
    -On this day, I decide to anoint my fists; engaging them in the mode of power and war
    wut?

  19. #19
    God King
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    Autotaunt:
    That had to hurt.
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  20. #20
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    No one fights like Axon
    Douses lights like Axon
    In a wrestling match nobody bites like Axon!

    XD Just came to me. :3
    You've got the touch. You've got the power. Yeah.

  21. #21
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    Had one happen tonight at school. Someone said something to the effect of "Your'e pretty smart". My automatic response (AKA auto-taunt), was "faster, stronger, better." I was like "oh sorry, just something I heard on a video game..."

    I thought lol to myself and of Sly...LMAO
    -Smart bombs, position guided armaments; a more sophisticated way to end up dead
    -On this day, I decide to anoint my fists; engaging them in the mode of power and war
    wut?

  22. #22
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    Campers:
    This Image Was Automatically Resized by using the Screenshot Tag.  Click to view the full version

    You may never know what they will do next
    Last edited by Sly.; 11-22-2010 at 09:29 PM.
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  23. #23
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    A basketball hit my face today after I failed to catch it SO I BLAMED IT ON THE LAG.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sly. View Post
    Campers:
    This Image Was Automatically Resized by using the Screenshot Tag.  Click to view the full version

    You may never know what they will do next
    You walk over to get a ask for a 'nanna and they headshot you.
    -Smart bombs, position guided armaments; a more sophisticated way to end up dead
    -On this day, I decide to anoint my fists; engaging them in the mode of power and war
    wut?

  25. #25
    Redeemer
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    Nice parking, right?
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    Happened to me in ONS-Dryice with a UT3 Scorpion jumping from the ramp in the base with speed booster
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  26. #26
    God King
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    Big Grin lol

    Tss tss tss... Barionyx, how many times did I already say that trees are not flagpoles and Scorpions are not flags
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  27. #27

  28. #28
    God King
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    Yeah That reminds me of the last Community Tournament. I didn't know that you can fly almost as high as a building in Downtown by using the boost and crashing against another object
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  29. #29
    MSgt. Shooter Person
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    I physically dodged off a wall once or twice. Not really to the same velocity as an unreal pawn though. I've also tried actual dodge moves, even mimicking the jump sound as I do it, I can't dodge very fast, or more then 2 feet though.

    Also, I look at real buildings and try to figure out, can an unreal player survive a fall from that height?

  30. #30
    God King
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    *checks checklist*
    You play too much UT if you jump out of the window to take a shortcut while in the 3rd floor.
    Yeah, they'd survive a jump out of the third floor... but you wouldn't.
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sly. View Post
    You played too much UT if you jump out of the window to take a shortcut while in the 3rd floor.
    Fixed it





    You play too much UT if you try to dodge in physical education.
    I used to do this in dodgeball..
    I suppose you want me to say I love you... but I don't I really really don't.
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  32. #32
    God King
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    Big Grin

    Thanks for the fix. Now it doesn't have a flaw in logic anymore

    This does not have a lot to do with jokes but it is still funny:
    This one's from Axeman's "Epic Boy remake" release thread concerning a (right now) pretty cool looking Zeto remake:
    Quote Originally Posted by Sly. View Post
    100% BSP... I don't think you can do that without getting BSP holes -as long as they don't kill you I don't see them as annoying It's always fun to walk through the map and then you notice one and you're like "EFF, YEAH! I love that HoM effect! " ... but that might be just me (because I'm a mapper) - but of course I wish you good luck!
    [...]
    Quote Originally Posted by FreakinMeany View Post
    "EFF, YEAH! I love that HoM effect!"

    ^^ Should be on a T-Shirt
    Quote Originally Posted by Sly. View Post
    [...]
    Here you go
    This Image Was Automatically Resized by using the Screenshot Tag.  Click to view the full version
    [...]
    I think it's funny. ^^
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  33. #33
    Redeemer
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    Nice Photoshopping there I think I would actually buy such a shirt

    Something funny happened to me in Chaos-melee games:
    The first thing happened on DM-PueblinCanino (a DM-Dogtown remake). I killed (actually halved, with the legs remaining ) an enemy with the doubleaxe and she was launched up into the air and landed on a street name sign in a way that it looked like her body was nailed to it. I thought to myself: "Look! This is what happens if you are messing with me!" I wanted to take a screenshot but it seems like Chaos has no screenshot directory and they are not in the main screenshot folder.
    The other thing that happened was on the map DM-December24th[FuT] when I was near the bottom of the stairs and saw an enemy jumping towards me from the treads above. I jumped up into his direction and landed my doubleaxe right in his crotch. The first thing I thought almost automatically was what my character was saying aswell: "That HAD to hurt!"
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  34. #34
    God King
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    Big Grin Another one:

    From the Community Tournament from yesterday:

    "What if UT physics and such stuff would exist in real life? How'd life be like?"

    Well, you'd leave your home to go to school/work and would arrive too late.

    Then they'd ask you: "Why are you too late?"
    and you'd probably say one of the following things:

    "I was roadkilled by the bus and had to respawn at my base (aka home). Then I had to walk all the way by foot again..."
    "An id10t took the Manta and instead of using it as a taxi he just hovered away!"
    "I left home during Invasion time. Monster spawned in the whole town..."
    "I have been killed by the bullies again. They're real team killers! They've no skill!"
    "I went by Manta and met a guy with a Shock Rifle..."
    "Someone spammed the way with Spider Mines..."
    "I met a group of campers..."
    "Someone activated the Redeemer arena mutator..."
    "There were Ion Tanks everywhere... O_O"
    "The server had lags..."
    "EFF, YEAH!"

    Then there would be BSP holes. You could see a cool HoM effect on some complex objects because of the holes. (that's something we need in real life )

    You could make a person explode by jumping 100 times on the person's head.

    Another thing which would be different would be the measuring unit.
    Everything would be measured in UnrealUnits (UU).

    Or let's take another situation as an example: "How was your day?"
    You'll most likely answer something like this:

    "I woke up, jumped out of the window in the third floor to take a shortcut, lost 5hp because of the height, found and picked up a health vial, hijacked a vehicle, roadkilled 4-5 people, got out of the vehicle, had a multi kill with my Assault Rifle, died and respawned with 98 Adrenaline. I think that was all. I had a very productive day today."

    So you see: Life would be way cooler!
    Last edited by Sly.; 01-01-2011 at 08:41 PM. Reason: some additional things added
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
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  35. #35

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sly. View Post
    From the Community Tournament from yesterday:

    "What if UT physics and such stuff would exist in real life? How'd life be like?"

    Well, you'd leave your base/home to go to school/work and would come to late.

    Then they'd ask you: "Why are you too late?" and you'd probably say one of the following things:

    "I was roadkilled by the bus and had to respawn at my base (aka home). Then I had to walk all the way by foot again..."
    "I left home during Invasion time. Monster spawned in the whole town..."
    "I have been killed by the bullies again. They're real team killers! They've no skill!"
    "I went by Manta and met a guy with a Shock Rifle..."
    "Someone activated the Redeemer arena mutator..."
    "There were Ion Tanks everywhere... O_O"
    "The server had lags..."
    "EFF, YEAH!"

    Or let's take another situation as an example: "How was your day?"

    You'll most likely answer something like this:

    "I woke up, jumped out of the window in the third floor to take a shortcut, lost 5hp, found and picked up a health vial, hijacked a vehicle, roadkilled 4-5 people, got out of the vehicle, had a multi kill with my Assault Rifle, died and respawned with 98 Adrenaline. I think that was all. I had a very productive day today."

    So you see: Life would be way cooler!
    Lol that's funny!
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  36. #36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sly. View Post
    From the Community Tournament from yesterday:

    "What if UT physics and such stuff would exist in real life? How'd life be like?"

    Well, you'd leave your home to go to school/work and would arrive too late.

    Then they'd ask you: "Why are you too late?"
    and you'd probably say one of the following things:

    "I was roadkilled by the bus and had to respawn at my base (aka home). Then I had to walk all the way by foot again..."
    "An id10t took the Manta and instead of using it as a taxi he just hovered away!"
    "I left home during Invasion time. Monster spawned in the whole town..."
    "I have been killed by the bullies again. They're real team killers! They've no skill!"
    "I went by Manta and met a guy with a Shock Rifle..."
    "Someone spammed the way with Spider Mines..."
    "I met a group of campers..."
    "Someone activated the Redeemer arena mutator..."
    "There were Ion Tanks everywhere... O_O"
    "The server had lags..."
    "EFF, YEAH!"

    Then there would be BSP holes. You could see a cool HoM effect on some complex objects because of the holes. (that's something we need in real life )

    You could make a person explode by jumping 100 times on the person's head.

    Another thing which would be different would be the measuring unit.
    Everything would be measured in UnrealUnits (UU).

    Or let's take another situation as an example: "How was your day?"
    You'll most likely answer something like this:

    "I woke up, jumped out of the window in the third floor to take a shortcut, lost 5hp because of the height, found and picked up a health vial, hijacked a vehicle, roadkilled 4-5 people, got out of the vehicle, had a multi kill with my Assault Rifle, died and respawned with 98 Adrenaline. I think that was all. I had a very productive day today."

    So you see: Life would be way cooler!
    LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by Sly. View Post
    EDIT: YAY! POST #1,000 and checklist updated
    Don't get this too literally but you post like a wild motherf***er!
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  37. #37
    God King
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    Yeah, I know. I'm a spammy member :>
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  38. #38
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    Ever wondered how the BSP-Goblin looks like?
    Here you go:
    This Image Was Automatically Resized by using the Screenshot Tag.  Click to view the full version
    Now you know what the troublemaker looks like. Chase him! >:O


    I hope you like this little caricature. I've never seen a picture of this "mapping legend" so I made one. I think it's quite amusing
    A huge fan of the entire Unreal franchise and Bulletstorm.
    UT2004 tips thread; UT3 tips thread; remastered UC weapon textures (UCBP for UT2004, still WIP), CTF-FacingWorlds99 (UT2004; final in the making); AS-Overlord (UT2004, Beta4); DM-Crane (UT2004, Beta1 - currently unavailable); CTF-BattleOnSlysBlockForts (UT2004, Final, made on request); DM-Morbias (UT2004, new link tba);

    S l y .

  39. #39

    Default

    Dun dun dun, BSP-Goblin
    All can be reached from within ~ Enslaved

  40. #40
    God King
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Lithuania
    Posts
    4,728

    Default

    IIRC it's actually called UnrealEd goblin. Appears when you click '...' in Unreal II UnrealEd, for example.


 
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