View Full Version : Rising Up - A Gears of war Fan Fic

Pages : [1] 2

Cog Edward
04-14-2009, 04:55 PM
Ahhh! Welcome everyone to my second fan fiction. This will be my first as a locust and will be very diffrent! Hope you enjoy it and if you do, please comment!



Rising Up Content
Act 1- Getting Up
Chapter 1: Leader Ship - Page 1
Chapter 2: Decisions Decisions - Page 3 (http://gearsforums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26298052#post26298052)
Chapter 3: The Missing - Page 6 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26323194#post26323194)
Chapter 4: Loss Of A Lost - Page 7 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26358832#post26358832)
Chapter 5: Royal Attack - Page 8 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26458561#post26458561)
Act 2- The upper world
Chapter 6: Welcome To Higher Hell - Page 10 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26529619#post26529619)
Chapter 7: Out Of Order - Page 12 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26557142#post26557142)
Chapter 8: Clash Of The Titans - Page 13 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26563610#post26563610)
Chapter 9: Hospitalized - Page 14 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?t=674872&page=14)
Chapter 10: Remembering - Page 16 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26621413#post26621413)
Chapter 11: Something's Better Then Nothing - Page 17 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=26627369#post26627369)
Chapter 12: Reunited - Page 20 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=27033689#post27033689)
Chapter 13: Riding to Town - Page 21 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?t=674872&page=21)
Chapter 14: The Mist - Page 24 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?t=674872&page=24)
Chapter 15: Siege - Page 27 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?t=674872&page=27)
Chapter 16: Falling - Page 29 (http://forums.epicgames.com/showthread.php?p=28355548#post28355548)
Act 3- Living Dead
Act 4- From Hero To Zero
Act 5- Welcome Back

Cog Edward
04-14-2009, 06:41 PM
Chapter 1: Leader ship

The darkness of the hollow. The only thing everyone would be able to see day and night. The only light down there was the Queens throne room. The bronze large doors kept everyone in hope. The lambent were hitting them from right to left. The locust had to attack the lambent to retain, and concur the hollow. If that were to fail, they would meet their doom that very second.

A figure walked the pathway to the Nexus. Standing long and proud. Palace Guards were escorting him to the Queen. His grin made him confident, he knew he was gonna make the right decision. Today was his first day as a leader and was being taken to the throne room to choose his squad.

"So, are we there yet?" The figure asked excited.

"Almost. Hang in there." A Palace Guard replied.

"Alright. Just don't ruin this for me." The figure added.

"The Queen's orders is our orders. You will not die or be betrayed." Another Guard interrupted.

At last, they had arrived to the holy doors. The Palace Guards standing next to the doors looked around before knocking on the doors. The doors slowly emerged open as the figure being escorted smiled in success. He had never seen the palace from the inside. He was jumping inside. Almost enough jumping to make him actually jump.

The inside was the real deal. The gold floors shining up to the roof and any one who walked by it. The statues in every corner and sides, stood up like giants. Every statue with a different meaning for the horde to realize. In the center of the room was a huge chandelier hanging from the ceiling. It's diamonds reflecting the light from the floor and brighten up the room. The Queen was sitting in her large throne. On top of her, was a huge window that spoke of the legacy the locust had to achieve. That wall was called the "Legacy of the horde." Everyone believed in it. Except the lambent of course. Beside the all mighty Queen, was the most respected General in the whole hollow, General RAAM. His dark armor was one of the thousand things that made him frightening. On the other side of the Queen was the powerfulest Palace Guard in the hollow. No one knew his name except RAAM and the Queen.

"Captain Jarnix, always a pleasure to see you." The Queen echoed through the throne room. "Guards, leave us four alone."

The Guards that escorted Jarnix left as ordered shutting the large doors behind them.

After that, the Queen gave the Palace Guard next to her a scroll for him to read. "Jarnix, for your bravery at the city of Nyrt, you are now officially a Colonel of the locust horde, and will be able to choose your own squad. Every one of the members that you will choose is one-hundred percent skilled from their time in the training grounds. Since you are now above the others, you will no longer be a Theron Sentinel. You are now a free race meaning that you choose your armor and weapons. Congratulations for your success by saving lives of young and young at heart soldieries. You may now walk to the Queen."

Jarnix slowly walked up to the Queen looking around. He then got up the stairs and bowed down.

"You may rise." The Queen commanded.

Jarnix rose, so did the Queen. The Queen then stared at him for a while until she put her hands around his helmet. She then did a prayer before slowly pulling the helmet off. Jarnix's face had no damage except his eye in the left that looked light blue from a fire accident. The Queen then took out a sword and layed it on Jarnix's left shoulder, then she layed it in his right shoulder and then she gave him the sword as an honorable gift.

"You now have the permission to come here when ever you need to." The Queen stated.

"Don't worry my Queen. I won't let you down." Jarnix honorably said.

"You will have your speech in an hour. So get ready and change your armor." RAAM stated.

"Yes sir!" Jarnix saluted them and left the room.

"Are you sure he will be a great leader?" RAAM questioned.

"T'Chark let me know what should be done with him. He shall become a great leader." The Queen added.

Jarnix arrived to his home alone as he let out a quite cheer to himself for being what he is today. He then went to the back of his house as he saw some dead animals that could be used for armor. Jarnix was kind of a tech head so he knew what to do with the armor. Jarnix took about 15 minutes carving the animal's skin and burning some of the blood off so it would become leather. After he had all the pieces for his robe and shirt. He then begun the armor. He made it bullet proof for any smart ass that would try and kill him. After another 15 minutes, he was done. He first put the under shirts and pants on. They were black and made out of normal cloth, as he then layed on the armor. It was just a regular armor that was bullet proof. It ran from his shoulders to his legs. It was a basic muscle shirt armor. Only covered his back, front, and legs. Not arms or head.He then layed on the upper body parts. The robe, and everything else a locust colonel or general would wear. The upper shirt was all black and covered the armor completely. It was leathery black from all the kryll and bat like creatures he could find. He then put on the V shaped neck piece on to his neck. It kept the armor and upper cloth steady. The upper leather part was really thick so it would absorb any bullets before hitting the armor. He then put his black locust boots on as he looked like a real colonel. He had all black armor and clothes. He then put his locust emblem on his right arm where his leather upper armor was. That way, people would recognize him.

Jarnix then walked out of his house and on to the speech center. Locust all over the place cheered for him as he waved at them. He walked up the stairs as the Queen, RAAM and the Palace Guard waited for him. Jarnix grabbed the micro phone and sighed before starting his speech.

"My fellow soldieries. We are here today, to celebrate the death of the lambent at Nyrt. They shall bother us no more. I could ensure you that we, the horde shall crush any lambent forces in our boots! They shall fall and sink before the locust breed! They are no match for us. They say that WE, are the traitors when they are the ones who betrayed us from surprise. We have done what we had to do to survive. And if necessary, we shall continue," At this time, some of the locust were nodding as some of them would cheer. "There is nothing that could stop us. City by city, we, shall, destroy them!" Jarnix then walked back as the crowd cheered from the top of their lungs. The hollow shaking from cheering. They knew that Jarnix was going to be a great leader.

Jay the Arbiter
04-14-2009, 07:07 PM
Pretty nice start! I think you just need to let us know when this is set. (Judging RAAM's apperance, it's before Gears 1 right?)

You also mentioned T'Chark, nice. :)

Cog Edward
04-14-2009, 07:09 PM
Yeah. It's before gears of war 1 man.

Jay the Arbiter
04-14-2009, 07:15 PM
Who could "The most powerful Palace guard" be?

Cog Edward
04-14-2009, 07:18 PM
Don't know man. Just came to my mind....>.>.....<.<

04-14-2009, 07:29 PM
Very good ff, it's starting off pretty good. Keep it up :)

Cog Edward
04-14-2009, 07:35 PM
Thanks man. I hope I continue that way.

04-14-2009, 07:35 PM
I think it is RAAM.

04-14-2009, 07:35 PM
Next episode, add more text

Cog Edward
04-14-2009, 07:55 PM
What do you mean, it was the first chapter. It had enough text compared to most ff.

04-14-2009, 08:51 PM
What do you mean, it was the first chapter. It had enough text compared to most ff.

Yeah what was it about 1,000 words?

04-14-2009, 09:21 PM
I'm just recomending him to add more stuff...

04-14-2009, 10:58 PM
I recommend to change the format, be a little more descriptive in the dialogue, and be more careful on the grammar but, the core content is good.

For example you wrote:

At last, they had arrived to the holy doors. The Palace Guards standing next to the doors looked around before knocking on the doors. The doors slowly emerged open as the figure being escorted smiled in success. He had never seen the palace from the inside. He was jumping inside. Almost enough jumping to make him actually jump.

You can change it around like this.

Finally, they had arrived at the sacred doors. The Palace Guards guarding the throne room, slowly pushed the heavy marble doors open for the successful Locust. As the Palace Guards and Jarnix emerged into the throne room, Jarnix devilishly grinned showing his sharp, menacing teeth. He had never seen the palace from the inside and was jumping inside from his eagerness. He almost wanted to jump he was so happy.

Everything is good but, it can be better. If you enjoy writing and keep writing then you will begin to learn and become better. You have a lot of potential.

Cog Edward
04-15-2009, 12:09 AM
Thanks. I'll try and do that but there was a small mistake on your corections. Jarnix was introduced to us by the Queen. The readers might not have known who jarnix is, but I get your point. ;)

EDIT @ M4RC5S: You're saying that sarcastecly or for real?

04-15-2009, 12:11 AM
Hey, great chapter Edward, sucks that I am commenting on the second page. :( But oh well....... I look forward for more.


Cog Edward
04-15-2009, 12:13 AM
I thought Skorge was a locust. :p And thanks man. Yeah, you usualy comment on first.

04-15-2009, 12:18 AM
I thought Skorge was a locust. :p And thanks man. Yeah, you usualy comment on first.

Well, he is considard Locust too right" Lambent are Locust. Yeah, I uselly do, but was off today.

Cog Edward
04-15-2009, 12:20 AM
Yeah. First page is a dousy. And I just got an idea, Gow3, RAAM and Skorge come back as lambent!

04-15-2009, 12:23 AM
Yeah. First page is a dousy. And I just got an idea, Gow3, RAAM and Skorge come back as lambent!

A better idea would be them throwing the queen into an inmulsion lake and making a Lambent Queen

Cog Edward
04-15-2009, 12:35 AM
That would be akward since the Queen would be executed in that very second.

Cog Edward
04-15-2009, 09:54 PM
Decisions Decisions.

Jarnix was being cheered as he walked to the training grounds. He felt so alive. Young lings would even step outside of their homes just to see their highly chanced future light of hope. Jarnix as always, kept walking like a normal soldier. He wanted this moment to last so he took his time. The devilish grin on his face made him cocky enough to think of how he could 'save' the hollow.

Jarnix would walk up to any nearby locust soldier to just chat. Normally he would continue on but this was his special day. The only day he could actually brag about. A drone walked up to him and asked him some questions.

"Do you think you will make good decisions? Will you lead us to victory? How shall you do it? Will you make history? "

Jarnix, annoyed with his stupidity, gently raised his hands.

"Another word, and you'll be my history. Got it?" Jarnix growled.


Jarnix then continued off smiling and talking to other locusts. He sometimes made some cheering noises for him self to get him pumped up, for the city of Nexus.

As he walked by, the crowd would cheer and yell compliments to him. Jarnix peered through the edge of his right eye, then his left. Everyone was celebrating their new colonel. He took a brief pause as he let out a chuckle and started waving as he walked.

"Congratulations!" Drones yelled.

"Thanks for saving my child!" Others yelled.

Some part of the crowd was going insane by thinking of the lambent. "Kill the lambent!" They yelled. "Don't let them reach Nexus!" Jarnix ignored the insane locust as he continued on.

As he walked by the end of the crowd, two Theron Guards awaited his presence.

"Colonel Jarnix?" One of them sneered. Showing his teeth.


"Right this way."

They lead Jarnix to what looked like a church for the Kantus monks to pray.

As they lead him through the rocky and rubbled path, Jarnix looked around to see all types of Guards holding back soldiers that wanted to go inside. Some of the Guards even had to melee them for their unreasonable actions. A locust drone tried to push back a Theron before being quickly kneed in the mouth. His blood pouring down like drool. A teeth was loose as the drone lost balance and fell still trying to push. The floor quickly filled up with red as the Theron just kicked away the body with ease.

"Why are they trying to get in?" Jarnix asked.

"Top secret. We're not supposed to speak." The second Theron Guard growled.

"Yeah well in case you didn't notice, I'm the colonel, now tell me!" Jarnix snapped.

The Therons sighed as they nodded at each other. "They want to get in because the Queen shall be there. And the more souls that don't know, the better it is."

"Why wasn't I informed about this?" Jarnix replied.

"Like we said, top, secret!" A Theron whispered.

They had finally arrived at the sacred doors. Two kantus monks stood perfectly still as the two Therons pushed open the doors. It creaked for a while until they opened it up to it's maximum. Kantus's where all over the church praying or reading holy scrolls.

They walked in as the metal floor reflected Jarnix's face. It looked crooked and miss shaped from all the air and whispering going on. The ceiling had a secret note that only Kantus could read. The walls were mostly burned or had dents in it since the church used to be a battle field. The Therons closed the doors with a 'SLAM' as they all walked to the end of the room. There was a normal sized door in the center of the wall as the unknown Palace Guard stood next to the door.

"State your names!" He demanded.

A Theron quickly stood up straight and stared the Palace Guard straight in the eye. "I'm sergeant Krytn with my partner Shiblem escorting Colonel Jarnix to you sir!"

"Mmmm.... Good. Leave us alone. I shall be escorting him now." The Guard growled.

Shiblem put his hand on his fore head and saluted him self away. "Yes sir!" He replied.

The Therons left the room and left them alone with the Kantus's.

The Guard walked up to Jarnix and gave him his instructions. "Very well Jarnix, behind this door will be your new squad. It's your decision who you want to choose. They will go through some exercises and show you what they can do. At the end you may choose only two soldiers from this academy. When your presence enters this room again, you shall choose one Kantus monk to lead you to the right path. After that you have the choice to choose a Boomer of your like. Next you shall choose your weapons wisely. But the good part is at the end, where you can choose your own reaver!" The Guard sounded very exited about the reaver part. T'Chart knows that Jarnix was very excited about the reaver part also.

As the Guard opened up the door, Jarnix opened up his eye as he saw the biggest training field he had ever saw in his life! It stretched up for about four miles and widened up with six. It was indoors and was filled with training equipment. Jarnix dropped his jaw as the Guard Chuckled.

"Always good to see a new leader excited!" He whispered.

"This place....it's...HUGE!" Jarnix excitedly said letting out a small laugh of happiness.

The two walked in slamming the door behind them. As they walked, the could actually feel the coldness in the room. Their boots booming throughout the training grounds as the drones and their trainer's turned to face us.

"I'm assuming you're Colonel Jarnix?" A trainer said with a devil like grin.

"Yes, and he's here to pick his squad!" The Guard announced loudly for the drones to get in shape.

The drones seemed pretty excited also to be in a squad rather than being depressed and out of shape.

The trainer then yelled out for them to get ready for the running exam.

Two drones were getting ready to run. Their names were Reluk and Zumn. Reluk was the more advanced one while Zumn was the rookie. When the trainer gave the signal, they were the two who out ran the others. Jarnix was impressed indeed and wanted to see more. Zumn and Reluk did not know each other but were trying to out run each other. One of them succeeded and it was the experienced one, Reluk. Zumn came in second place as they all lined for one to be eliminated. Jarnix eliminated one of the drones as he walked off the the other half of the field and started to train in anger.

Next, was the shooting range. The all time favorite for Jarnix. Anyone in the top five could easily impress him. Again, Reluk came on top with 5 head shots and 1 body hit with a boltok. Zumn came in second with the score of 4 head shots, 1 body hit, and 1 leg hit. Reluk and Zumn came to the final five with three others. Jarnix again eliminated someone who quickly went for training.

The last challenge was the training course. The last five remaining drones had to go through the course and out of the finish line. There were some explosions but they weren't so harmful. Some Grenadiers got on some Troika machine gun filled with paint bullets. They didn't kill but they hurt like ****. Seeing the guns brought memories back to Jarnix as he held his arm.

All the drones got ready to go as the mark was set! All drones lept, ducked, and even dived for the risk of being in a squad. Reluk as always was doing a great job. Dodging every bullet, getting to cover correctly and even throwing rocks to distract the gunners. Zumn on the other hand, got hit with bullets two times. His head kept perking up from cover, and was the main attraction.

Reluk passed the finish line in first. He jumped up and down from excitement. Zumn finished in third as the rest finally finished. Jarnix lined up the drones as he eliminated the two drones that finished last. They did way to horrible to be in a squad. Now was the hard part. Reluk was already in since he always got first. But the last two were all tied up! After a minute of thinking, Jarnix chose the other drone over Zumn. Zumn hung his head in disappointment as the other drone started to choke on something. Reluk and Jarnix looked at him while he threw up some blood and what seemed some kind of acid! He apeared to have gotten the famous "Rink" plant. It dose not affect you but it makes you invincible and un hurtable. He cheated just to get out of the training grounds!

Jarnix walked up to the choking drone as he then raised him up from neck.

"How dare you!" Jarnix livid said. "I could crush you!" But he didn't as he just threw him aside and gave Zumn a sign to join the group. Zumn lightened up with joy as he ran to Reluk and Jarnix as fast as he could.

---(Here's when the major edit begins)----
As the trio entered the room, Reluk seemed to be looking around the church. It apeared to them that Reluk had never seen holy ground before. The back door was the only way to get to the training grounds without disrupting the Kantus monks.

"This...this is amazing!" Reluk gasped in amazement.

"You've never seen holy ground before Reluk?" Zumn asked rather confused.

"No! I never got to go outside as a youngling." Reluk explained "My dad was in the army while my mother was burned by a hammer of dawn. My brother was the only one who took care of me and back then, there was nothing he could really do."

"Well take a good look." Jarnix added. "This might be the last time one of you might see it." Jarnix, with his devilish grin; looked back at the two who were shivering from the news.

They finally arrived to the Palace Guard as Kantus monks where all lined up behind him.

"Ahh! Good choice colonel" The Guard congratulated. "Reluk and Zumn are the most talented of drones!"

"If they continue they might be turning into Theron Guards." Jarnix whispered at the Guard so the others wouldn't find out.

The Guard nodded as he let a slight grin. "Mmmm... I see. Well, now is time for your second task! Each of these kantus have a special gift. The gift of knowledge!"

All the kantus's were meditating in the air as they all hummed and hissed out of horrible thoughts. The humming and hissing came to a welcoming end as they all did a simmer Sault in the air and landed on their naked feet. They thought that the naked feet was a sign of holy ness. The more they feel the floor, the more closer they are to T'Chark, the worm goddess! It was told that she would once be the Saviour of all locust in their time of need.

As the kantus's bowed to the colonel, Jarnix walked up the stairs and faced them one by one seeing if any of them would be a fraud and crack. Jarnix then nodded as the Palace Guard read yet another scroll to the kantus's.

"You are all gathered here to be examined and showed. At the end, one of you will have the honor to serve with the colonel. The lucky one will also be given special treatment in need. You shall begin when all of you are ready."

The kantus's nodded and waited to be dismissed. When they were, they walked to the back and into a dark room. After a while, kantus monks started to come out with different types of 'holy' equipment.

Later on, the monks were all ready to perform and show their knowledge. The four, Jarnix, Reluk, Zumn and the Palace Guard all went to a room where they would meet all the monks alone so they would not be interrupted. The kantus's all did special tricks but some monks were lying! Lying was one of the things that Jarnix could not accept. He eliminated any liers immediately and let the show go on.

A young monk by the name Kendron was talking to his friend outside of the room. Kendron knew lots of things and was a well known member of the church. Kendron's friend went by the name of Krawlkwash which meant 'torpedo' in the locust tung.

"You think they will elect me?" Kendron asked his old friend.

"It's not what they do Kendron, it's what you do. Remember that!"

Kendron let out a smile of confidence as the kantus inside the room came out with a hung head. The kantus then talked to Krawlkwash who then went inside the room.

Kendron sighed as he swallowed and gulped. "Good luck master, you'll need it."

Krawlkwash then came out calling Kendron by his name. Kendron quickly stood up from the cold floor and walked inside. Krawlkwash came out trying to smile, but then dropped it raising his arms as in to say " I tried!"

As Kendron walked inside, he saw the serious face on Jarnix's face. He knew not to mess around. The first exam had to do with kendron's knowing of the past.

Kendron with no surprise, aced it as they moved on. He also aced the next test as they came to the challenging part. The real questions. Jarnix stood up and asked Kendron questions about himself so he knew he wasn't lying.

"Who was my father?" Jarnix asked.

Kendron cleared him mind and looked around for the past. Something was coming up.

"Major Kratg sir!" Kendron answered.

"Oooo. Nice answer monk." Jarnix complimented. "OK then. Who was my mother?" Jarnix asked.

Kendron once again concentrated and came up with an answer. "Geesha! The special kind of berserker!"

"Great job kid!" Jarnix again complimented.

Jarnix kept asking and Kendron kept answering to the end.
The Palace Guard then looked at Jarnix who was thinking in letting Kendron join. He was neck and neck with another competitor. Finally, Jarnix stood up and looked at Kendron straight in the eye. He turned over to the Palace Guard and whispered him a question. The Palace Guard nodded as Jarnix turned back at Kendron.

"What's, his, name!" Jarnix asked pointing at the Palace Guard.

Kendron, who for the last time meditated, grinned and answered the question.

"General Zunker!" Kendron quickly answered.

"He's right!" Zunker, surprisingly smiled with an excited look.

"Welcome to our squad Kendron!" Jarnix huffed looking at him straight in the eye.

Kendron was speechless as he then nodded and smiled. Kendron was jumping inside. He then opened the door and walked behind the other four. The monks stared at Kendron with a congratulating look. Kantus's were always kind and generous to each other in this church. Kendron then stopped in front of Krawlkwash who then bowed infront of Kendron and saluted him good bye. Kendron showed his respects and also bowed before walking off with the others.
"Let's go to the Boomer dent." Jarnix announced.

"So you're gonna get a boomer huh?" Zunker asked.

"I need the muscle in the team." Jarnix answered.

The five walked miles until they got to the Boomer dent. Home of the Boomers. Boomers usually came to this place to rest and relax from the army. You could find any type of Boomer's inside. The five walked in front of it and looked around for any lambent forces. Since this was the farthest away place from Nexus that had great threats, the lambent were sure to attack. They did it before and they sure as hell would be doing it again.

Jarnix kept looking around before giving orders. "Reluk, Zumn, Zunker, you stay here and guard this spot while Kendron and I look for the toughest Boomer inside."

"Hey! I'm the General of this group, I'm going inside." Zunker snapped.

"Listen to me, Reluk and Zumn are just Drones, until they are Therons, they will not be able to pick up enemy scent! Do you understand?" Jarnix whispered.

"Alright alright. I'll do it." Zunker agreed as the trio stayed outside while Jarnix and Kendron walked inside.

The place was a mess. Butchers were serving food and drinks for the Boomers while Boomer laughs could be heard throughout the hollow. Boomers where just like the ground walker word for 'Bikers'. They would destroy everything, eat everything, and of course, smelled.

The two ignored the stench while Kendron looked around for the top three Boomers. Kendron came up with three grinders. Their names were, Geenx, Grewel, and Rouhk. The Boomers quickly recognized the colonel as everything grew silent.

"Don't worry, I'm just here for...." Jarnix then reached over to Kendron and asked for their names. "Geenx, Grewel and Rouhk." The three did not resist as they followed the other two outside. Jarnix gave them target practice but it seemed that the lambent where gonna be the targets as the other three, Zunker, Zumn, and Reluk came in giving the news. The Boomers went outside to face the lambent as so did the other eight. The eight took cover from the front of the dent and started shooting. Maulers were attacking from the second row as the first row held up their boom shields protecting others.

The eight of them joined the war as Jarnix gunned down a few of the lambent while Zunker attacked the lambent with his other 'holy' sword. Reluk and Zumn were fireing at will while Kendron threw ink grenades poisoning the incoming lambent. Blood from the Boomers and lambent where everywhere as flamers cam to the action burning any glowing thing they saw. The rocks started turning blood red as growls and screams filled the battle field.

Geenx Rouhk and Grewel all held up their mulchers and opened hell fire to the lambent destroying one quarter of the lambent horde. Geenx however, was sniped in the head by a lambent sniper. Geenx head popped up as blood and pieces of skull followed. The body fell into a emulsion pool below burning his body to ashes.The sniper was quickly killed by Reluks sniper. Blood poured out of his head like a volcano as the body fell over the tall rock and into the burning iron that welcomed him below. Blood flew up as sizzling sounds filled the hollow. Burnt meat was the new stench as the small war ended.

Grewel had been hit from bullets as reavers quickly came into action carrying kantus monks for aid. Grewel had to be taken away for a while until he was ready to go. Rouhk was the only choice now as he spoke.

"Looks like I'm only one left right boss?" Rouhk childishly asked.

"Looks like it big guy!" Jarnix replied.

"Your squad is ready, now it's time for my favorite part...weapons! I will go with you for ammo. And then to your choosing of the reavers." Zunker announced.

The six walked longer than usual with Rouhks big steps echoing through the hollow.
Finally, they arrived at the weapon depot where locust came for ammo and new guns.
The six entered as ammo and guns where scattered around the room. For Drones and a Grenadier watched the shop as they waxed and brought in new arrivals. Rouhk, Zunker, Reluk, Zumn, and Kendron all got ammo while Jarnix gave away his number one Hammer Burst and chose a number two Hammer Burst. He didn't had to purchase the merchandise since they knew the orders. Jarnix then wrote his name with his claw leaving it all messy writing 'JaRniX'. Jarnix then chose frag grenades, a boltok and a torque bow as they exit the shop and kept walking.
When they got to the Reaver pen, a Beast Rider awaited their arrival to take them for a tour. They walked to all sorts of pens showing crazy reavers, boring reavers, strong reavers, and even weak reavers. But only one got Jarnix's attention as a reaver stook out his octopus like claws out of the cell and reached for Jarnix. It started to make some whining noise as Jarnix grinned. The reaver was now poking him slightly in the arm as he let the reaver continue.

"What about this one?" Jarnix asked.

"That one has been here for a while. Still works though." The Rider said treating it like a piece of metal.

"I'll take him." Jarnix added making locust noises to attract the reavers attention.

The others already had reavers including Rouhk. His Reaver was extra sized to fit his weigh. Kendron had a Hydra to ride around instead of a reaver. For being a kantus monk, he was forced to have one. The Hydra was friendly to locusts but deadly to lambent. As Kendron and Rouhk called their rides with the locust noices to attract them, the Beast Rider let the Reaver out of the Pen who quickly stretched his arms and turned around ready to be ridden. Jarnix simply let out a chuckle helping Reluk up to Jarnix's reaver. Rouhk rode with Zumn while Kendron and Zunker tagged along together. We then took off and waited for missions.
Jarnix (Jar-Nicks)
Reluk (Rea-Luck)
Zumn (Zum)
Kendron (Ken-Dron)
Rouhk (Ro-u-k)
Zunker (Sunker)

04-15-2009, 10:15 PM
Hey nice chapter Edward. I can see improvment from the others. (The way you describe stuff, and the overall writing is diffrent) And great touch there with the Locust drugs, haha, Zumn seems to have my attention the rookie. :D

smurf plastic
04-15-2009, 11:02 PM
I liked it but once again felt as though you are trying to mirror human civilization in the locust. They're entirely different. Instead of drugs it could be some kind of leaf that is used to dull pain or something, original and would make sense. See?

04-15-2009, 11:10 PM
Instead of drugs, it could be some acid imulsion, or something, anyways, nice chapter, although I didn't have a lot time to read it.

04-15-2009, 11:30 PM
Agreed with Smurf, not to bad though, maybe a Micheal Jackson Locust? Please?

And what's with you and Imulsion acid Dietrevers?

04-16-2009, 12:12 AM
Agreed with Smurf, not to bad though, maybe a Micheal Jackson Locust? Please?

And what's with you and Imulsion acid Dietrevers?

I don't know, I just wrote an example...

Cog Edward
04-16-2009, 01:01 AM
I liked it but once again felt as though you are trying to mirror human civilization in the locust. They're entirely different. Instead of drugs it could be some kind of leaf that is used to dull pain or something, original and would make sense. See?

It was "LOCUST" drugs so yeah it could be anything.

04-16-2009, 01:31 AM
It was "LOCUST" drugs so yeah it could be anything.

Oh I see, maybe a green tea leaf with some honey cone cereal?:D

04-16-2009, 09:30 AM
Oh I see, maybe a green tea leaf with some honey cone cereal?:D

No that would be thir breakfast, the drug would be like a... waffle (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGu9yxdbFio)?

Cog Edward
04-16-2009, 07:12 PM
ATENCION EVERY BODY! I shall edit chapter two! The edeting part will start when Jarnix goes inside the training grounds! Thanks for your suport...

~Cog Edward

Jay the Arbiter
04-16-2009, 07:13 PM
Okay then. Roll with it.

Cog Edward
04-16-2009, 09:58 PM
I just posted man. I sent you a link to read it also!

04-16-2009, 10:13 PM
I read half of it and it seems like you took your time on it and described everything better. Much better than the first chapter.

smurf plastic
04-16-2009, 10:26 PM
The edit drastically increases the quality, very good. I liked how you went into such detail, it added depth.

Cog Edward
04-16-2009, 10:31 PM
Thanks guys! I hope I will continue on this level of writing. Or maybe even higher!

04-17-2009, 12:31 AM
Agreed, I liked the discription you added. It sort of ploished the chapter out. (I need to work on that.) But your's was great! Also liked the discription of the Boomer Den and whatnot! :D

04-17-2009, 12:33 AM
Thanks guys! I hope I will continue on this level of writing. Or maybe even higher!

Keep writing, we want to see more people making FF

04-17-2009, 12:34 AM
Keep writing, we want to see more people making FF

Agreed! And then maybe you can teach me.

04-17-2009, 04:52 PM
Can we still ask to be part of the story?

04-17-2009, 05:06 PM
lol The locust could be mistaken for friendly!

Jay the Arbiter
04-17-2009, 07:00 PM
The edited part was awesome! Great job!

Although quick question, if this is before E-Day, wouldn't it be impossible for Reluk's mother to be killed by a HOD? Unless the Lambent got it first?

04-17-2009, 07:12 PM
Pretty nice start! I think you just need to let us know when this is set. (Judging RAAM's apperance, it's before Gears 1 right?)

You also mentioned T'Chark, nice. :)

who is t'chark?

Jay the Arbiter
04-17-2009, 07:34 PM
T'Chark is a FanFic character i created. She's a Worm Goddess.

04-17-2009, 11:54 PM
T'Chark is a FanFic character i created. She's a Worm Goddess.

Yeah one hell of a character! :) Waiting for more Edward.

04-18-2009, 06:55 PM
Although this is a pretty good take on the Locust society, I think it would be better if tried not to image the Humans. I agree with smurf!

04-18-2009, 06:59 PM
Damn where is everyone today? I mean, really I have posted on every single topic and no one has replied. :(

04-18-2009, 07:11 PM
Nice Edward really nice just finished it.

04-18-2009, 07:49 PM
Hey Edward,I know this is to early to ask, but do you know how many chapters your doing? Or are you writing them along the way?

Cog Edward
04-21-2009, 06:49 PM
Dang! So many stuff to reply! Ok here we go.....

@ EXTREME NOOBHUNTER: I might let people in my ff but only for a little while since I want this to conclude over Jarnix and his life. I might do it later. For an example, if a guy asks me to put someone in my ff, I'll let the charecter be in it in maximum 5-6 chapters. You getting me?

@ Jay: Yes. Like you said, T'Chark goes through the hollow sometimes making upper holes so I thought that Reluk's mother would die like that.

@ idrinkheineken: T'Chark is from Jay The Arbiters ff. She's a worm goddess.

@ AlbertWesker1960: It may be because you are used to human ff.

@ CanOGears: Thanks man.

@ SKORGE: Like I said. I was on vacation and I might need a break for a while.

Jay the Arbiter
04-21-2009, 06:52 PM
Okay, next question.

When's the next chapter going to get here?

Cog Edward
04-21-2009, 07:07 PM
I'll do it as soon as possible. Maybe Today!

Jay the Arbiter
04-21-2009, 07:12 PM
Sounds cool, i'll look foward to it!

Cog Edward
04-21-2009, 07:15 PM
Me too! By the way. I'm starting NOW!

Jay the Arbiter
04-21-2009, 07:18 PM
Alright then!

Cog Edward
04-21-2009, 10:05 PM
Chapter 3: The Missing

As Zunker made his way through the Queen's throne room, RAAM and his men were ready to take full attack on the city of Rutem where the lambent had attacked the locust forces and victoriously, opened a blood bath over one hundred years ago.

RAAM, Zunker and Jarnix were supposed to go to different parts of the city to investigate the mystery of the missing locust. Locust have been missing since the last arrival at Rutem about one or two weeks ago.

Jarnix was loading his guns and shining his sword as his son Revix came up to him. Revix was the youngest of Jarnix's child's. He was a very young drone who liked to prove himself to others. Revix always thought that being loyal and over confident would win you the fight or war. His son always brought his 'lucky' rock. The rock glowed in a slight lime color that made the locust jump. Locust thought it was a lambent kind of rock since it had the imulsion color. Revix however always proved them wrong.

Revix approached his dad as he tugged on his robe. Jarnix slightly annoyed turned to his young one and looked at him with a "What?" kind of look.

"I'll be getting ready for my patrol duty for tomorrow. I might be at the river shooting and aiming my skills." Revix snarled.

"Just be back before the kryll arrive okay son?" Jarnix replied.

"Do not worry father, I have never let you down and this won't be my first time!" Revix proudly say in a soldier sort of way.

Jarnix only smiled in a proud sort of way knowing that his son had turned into a true loyal soldier. He knew that if he lost him one day, that he would have good memories of his son. Jarnix simply gave Revix his food before leaving the house with his squad waiting for his arrival.

"Everything alright boss?" Rouhk asked as he twisted his head in a childish sort of way. Every movement he made was a shake in the hollow as the rest were waiting on their Reavers.

"So far Rouhk we don't know until we arrive!" Jarnix announced mounting his Reaver and jumping on the seat.

RAAM slightly sighed as he was the only one there besides the Queen. Zunker went off to group up some Therons while Jarnix was still on his way. He pounded his foot on the floor every now and then to count every minute they have been gone. Suddenly, Jarnix bursted through the bronze doors as the Queen welcomed him.

"Always a pleasure Jarnix. Is your squad ready?" The Queen asked.

"They're outside, where is Zunker?" Jarnix added.

"Looking for his troops. That lousy Palace Guard is always late." RAAM Boomed through the room with his angry look. His teeth sharping out like a shark. His cheeks blowing with air from all the angry steam. Jarnix slowly approached the Queens side and watched as all the locust inside the building where running around getting set for their glorious attack. Drones and Boomers raised up their boxes filled with ammo carefully placing them on their rightful place.

Zunker then walked inside with his head low and looking around the room ashamed as he sighed and gulped. It appeared that Zunker had done a horrifying thing. And horrifying it was.

"I...I forgot to send reinforcements at the hollow bay. The...the lambent are getting closer by the second." Zunker announced.

"You fool!" The Queen boomed as she rose up and walked towards Zunker.

Zunker appeared to be melting himself off with nervous sweat. RAAM walked up to the Queen and ordered Jarnix to follow.

"My Queen, shall we leave the room?" RAAM asked with a devil like grin in his face. He never liked Zunker. He was always cocky and always missed orders. Zunker looked at RAAM's eyes with fear as he breathed heavily almost being heard throughout the room. The Queen gave signal for the two to leave and wait outside. RAAM slowly backed off to a place were the Queen wouldn't see him and put his thumb on his neck. He then slowly paced it through his neck telling him that he was dead in hand signals.

Jarnix followed RAAM out the door as the Queen gridded her teeth against each other leaving Zunker to back off.

"Bow down General!" The Queen shooked the room with her loud booming voice. The locust around stared at the two down on the room as some pointed and laughed.

"But my que...." Zunker was then interrupted by the noise of the Queens angry voice.

"I said, bow!" The Queen hated repeating herself as Zunker then layed his two knees on the ground and puffed heavily.

The Queen then took out his sword from his back and stared at it cold for a few moments.

"You have failed and let us all in danger general." The Queen whispered.

She then threw up her arms up in the sky and then threw her hands down catching Zunker in the gut with it. The Queen growled and stared at a former locust general who had failed her too much. The screams and shouts were heard out side as the Queen then pulled out the sword bringing bones and organs out with it. Zunker coughed and waited for his death in his pool of blood. The Queen then swung the sword to Zunkers head slashing it clean off.

Blood flew up to the Queen and any surroundings. Zunkers head also flew up by the pressure of the flowing blood that came out of his spine like an upside down water fall. The Queen then called a few drones to clean up the mess and to bring Zunkers head to her "Head Trophy" room. The drones commanded the orders hoping that they wouldn't be the next "Zunker". The other drones watching were suddenly shocked as the Queen vividly yelled at them to continue. The drones and boomers did exactly that as the Queen then made her way to the door.

RAAM and Jarnix were waiting for the Queen to arrive as she finally did. She had blood all over her clothes and had a livid look on her face.

"Looks like Zunker won't be joining you. Instead, Lieutenant Rirks will be joining you for your mission today." The Queen announced shaking off her anger.

The two agreed as they walked different paths to their squads as Jarnix turned around and saw the Queen safely returning inside.

"We go now?" Rouhk asked.

Jarnix nodded and ordered his men to get on their reavers or hydra.

"The place seems to be not so far from here Jarnix." Kendron announced getting on his hydra.

Reluk sat behind Jarnix's reaver loading the gun encase of use. Zumn how ever sat at the front of Rouhk's big reaver driving it and commanding it.

"We're good Jarnix!" Reluk shouted trying to over come the noise of gun fire from the hollows bay.

They wanted to help but the Queen had already ordered her other higher forces to operate on the mission so Jarnix and the squad were not so worried.

"Should we be there before the kryll?" Asked Zumn in his nervous voice.

"Let us hope so comrade!" Rouhk boomed throughout Zumn's ear.

"Name's Zumn." Zumn replied annoyed by Rouhk's childish actions.

"Rouhk know that!" Rouhk added. "That's Kendron, Reluk and the colonel!" Rouhk smiled thinking he was really smart. Zumn simply turned back around and lifted the Reaver along side the others.

The two reavers and the hydra then lifted up by force and flew off towards the cursed city.

RAAM had finally arrived at the west side of the city while the lieutenant took the back side. Jarnix and his squad took the east while the entrance was protected by a normal sized horde. The lambent should and could not escape. The horde carried Therons, Palace Guards, Kantus's, Wretches, Drones, Grenadiers, Boomers and even Tickers controlled by the Kantus's. They were all ready booming the city with their feet. They loaded up their weapons for any lambent force that tried to escape. Some sat down from the tiering hours of patrolling.

Jarnix, Kendron, Reluk, Rouhk and Zumn all landed their rides and then giving them signal to stay in a safe, close area. It was impressive how these creatures could work. They understood you but at the same time they were savage!

The gang walked towards the side of the city as they saw dead lambent and locust throughout a path way. The city was red from all the pools of blood thanks to the locust. Rubble and rocks were layed all over the floor caused by near by explosions. Ammo and grenades were also scattered around as Zumn picked some up and followed the rest into the city.

The roads were destroyed or holed as the buildings were falling apart. Church's were being blown to bits or being used to execute. It was all dark in the city except the population parts. There, the lambent would have used imulsion to light up a few candles and torches. Some gates were creaking from the air pushing them. Some had parts fallen off while some of them were falling off. They kept walking towards the light places until they kept seeing worse and worse things. Blood and guts were splattered around the roads while body pieces were splattered around.

"By the Queen." Reluk whispered.

Kendron was praying while Rouhk stood next to Jarnix. Zumn kept looking around while keeping up with the five. He didn't want to get lost in this city.

The farther they went, the more impressive and strong the things got. Locust bodies were eaten up with their guts and bones perking out. Some of the bodies were fresh and some were already rotting with bugs crawling on the bodies. and some of them even burning alive! Since the burning alive part had started, they knew that the lambent were taking prisoners.

"Stay close." Jarnix ordered as they suddenly spotted glowing locust walking down a damaged road. The five took cover as they saw the lambent suddenly shoot. They suddenly stopped shooting as they picked up a locust drone by the neck and threw him against the wall breaking their bones and organs. The wall was the last thing the drone felt as Jarnix couldn't hold it in.

"He was right next to us!" Jarnix whispered. "Rouhk, blast these traitors!"

Rouhk nodded then let out an evil child look before standing up and disturbing the lambent with his mulcher. "GRIND!" Rouhk yelled while he evil like laughed loving the kills. The lambent where soon blasted to bits while imulsion smashed against the wall. The body pieces crunching sound squishing against each other as the imulsion started to what appeared to be "running".

Jarnix confusedly stared at it as he gave orders to follow it.

RAAM and his men would already be whooping the lambents behind as they were in the middle of a battle. RAAM threw a frag grenade destroying half of the lambent invaders. Blood was scattering across the room as the body parts shot up like fire works. Some of RAAM'S men where gunned down as RAAM finished the last of the lambent. He then lead his last four men to a room where the lambents blood also known as imulsion was slithering away from RAAM's view. RAAM ordered his men to follow him while they followed the imulsion.

The Lieutenant had finished his pair of lambent forces as he also saw the imulsion moving right before his eyes. He grinned and followed it hoping that he would get a promotion. His men had no choice but to follow the eager lieutenant.

Jarnix followed the imulsion to what seemed to be a cave. He cut the growing plants with his sword while the imulsion kept crawling. It made a turn as Zumn went in first. Jarnix quickly pulled him back into the cave and into cover as they all peered through the cave. The five were shocked as they saw the lieutenant absorbing the imulsion from the back. His crew didn't knew as they soon did. Rirks soon withdrew his boltok and blew off the brains of his men. Brains and bone fragments of the skull where quickly shot up as Rirks laughed. Blood splashed on him as he bit one of his fellow partners and ripped their flesh off with his bear teeth. He then chewed it and actually swallowed it. The five were grossed out by the siege as Jarnix threw a smoke and an ink grenade towards Rirks.

"Go!" Jarnix ordered. "Get to the reavers, I'll finish this traitor!"

Rouhk, Kendron, Reluk and Zumn nodded as they all ran their way back disappearing in Jarnix's eyes.

Jarnix then entered the room and withdrew his sword to the now standing Rirks. He laughed devil like for a bit before falling to the floor and absorbing more imulsion. He then started to twist and cough as the transformation began. His blue skin was now turning yellow along side his eyes. He glowed and unglowed for a while before falling down behind some stairs. By the time he got back up, he was fully lambent. Rirks then took out a locust sword that belonged to Zunker. The two then stared cold at each other before running to their combat.
In Memory of Krall and Torgr.

04-21-2009, 11:40 PM
Hey that was an amazing chapter Edward. I liked how you let the Queen kill someone, I mean get her off her ass. Great work. :D

Jay the Arbiter
04-22-2009, 01:01 PM
Nicely done!

I see you wish to remember Krall and Torgr. R.I.P

smurf plastic
04-22-2009, 04:38 PM
Great ending, it was dramatic, but not like COME ON, that's so overused! The second to last sentence really stops it from being corny as it ties into the beginning.

04-22-2009, 07:39 PM
Another Good installment in a hideously Malformed Series of Doom!

04-22-2009, 10:16 PM
^^^ "LoLz"


(Mrs. Carmine)

Jay the Arbiter
04-23-2009, 12:53 PM
If you re-call me saying "Beginning of the End" reminded me of the Song of the same name by Spineshank.

This one reminds me of "Give it all" by Rise Against. :cool:

04-23-2009, 07:20 PM
If you re-call me saying "Beginning of the End" reminded me of the Song of the same name by Spineshank.

This one reminds me of "Give it all" by Rise Against. :cool:


Yeah, this reminds me of a game......don't know what it's called, ah, something like 'Grass war'..... :)

Cog Edward
04-24-2009, 03:08 PM
Ok. Thanks for your comments. Like 'em all. Maybe I'll do another chapter soon.

smurf plastic
04-26-2009, 05:19 PM
Name: Chres Otin
Race(If lambent he/she will only come out for a while, if human he/she will come later) : Human.
Type: As in personality? Once a prestigious scientist in school on his way to fame, when E-Day came he toned his body. A smart *ss, like Baird, except not always as rude. Is always calm and cool, even under fire acting like he is trying to impress a lady. Has no temper, but also doesn't empathize well, leading to conflicts with other people [Kind of emotionally dead].
Place(Private,coeperal, ect...) : Though s first class private, he has anointed himself 'KING' as a mock rank. All call him it, and it sometimes replaces his name.
Body Tone: Medium build. Though not too muscular he can hold his own. His strengths are in stealth, agility, and maneuverability, but he lacks the heavy lifting capabilities.
Description: Short black hair, such as a slicked back medieval look, clean shaven. Dark brown eyes.
Accessories(If none wanted just put none) : Keeps personal valuables in a Theron skull he wears around his chest like a side back pack. Is known for his use of smoke grenades of and the fact he always is smoking a cigarette.
Attitude:Previously mentioned in type. The only thing that scares him is running water, which he is deathly afraid of.
Fav gun: Boltok or Longshot.
Rookie or Senior: Though a senior nobody really knows.

04-28-2009, 11:42 AM
Nice, you're definitely improving. I wanna know who wins the fight! :)

Lots of blood and gore though, which I guess people like. But it kinda makes me wanna write my Gears love story for some reason. :o

Cog Edward
05-02-2009, 07:14 PM
Chapter 4: Loss Of A Lost

(Fairly short.)

Jarnix quickly slashed for Rirks who quickly ducked and leg sweeped Jarnix to the ground. Rirks, who was about to stab Jarnix while in ground position, was quickly surprised by a swift punch to the face greeted by Jarnix. Rirks backed off a few steps as he roared his lambent mouth shaking up the room. Jarnix chuckled at the sight as he grabbed a rock from the falling roof and quickly threw it at Rirks who catched it and crushed it like a skull.

"Come on! Hurry it up!" Reluk called at the huffing Rouhk.


As Zumn got on the reavers and set them up, Kendron looked around and tried to pick up the sense of Lambent that was bothering him.

"What is matter Kendron?" The now close Rouhk asked.

"Lambent!" Kendron whispered as Zumn and Reluk also came close.

They were awakened by a hail of gunfire that came from the left. They climbed up on the reavers and hydras with no harm and rose up from the muddy ground beneath them and fired away destroying and crumbling the buildings near them. Some of the falling pieces crushed the incoming Lambent as their imulsion shot out of their pressure parts. Imulsion covered their partners and close rocks as bone fragments where rolling along side their yellow blood. Pools of imulsion were everywhere the locust eye could see as some were shot up like a fountain.

They kept shooting at the lambent as rockets blasted them up like fireworks doing all sorts of spins and flips. The group managed to circle around the lambent and also put them in a minimum spot.

Rouhk shot his mulcher at the fleeing lambent as their body pieces were roasted from the burning and injured lambent; The rest were gunned down.

"Mmm! Lambent smell good while dead!" Rouhk laughed childishly.

"That's sick Rouhk." Zumn shook his head as the group flied towards Jarnix's spot.

But what they did not realize, is that the imulsion from the lambent, still crawled.

Rirks fell to the floor from the impact of Jarnix's boot.

"It's over traitor! Just give up!" Jarnix shouted.

The now bleeding and injured Rirks stood up trembling from his injuries. He had a broken arm and a dislocated hip. Jarnix smiled devil like as he ran towards Rirks and kicked his jaw out of place popping it like a fire cracker. Rirks flew towards an old statue of a Theron guard. The rocks and pieces of the statue fell on top of Rirks as the pieces misplaced his face and crushed his legs and body.

"Somebody! Help me!" Rirks groaned as Jarnix quickly walked towards him and shut him up with a bullet in his fore head. The bullet fit clean in as Rirks groaned less and less till he couldn't stand the pain. He layed there motion less. Jarnix walked away without a scratch as the crawling imulsion from the dead Lambent, made it's way into Rirks who quickly busted out of the rocks in anger.

Jarnix looked back in disbelief as he was surprised by a punch to the stomach. Jarnix held his gut and fell to the ground. Rirks laughed as he grabbed his sword and attempted to stab Jarnix who quickly rolled out the way.

RAAM and his squad ran throughout the running imulsion until he saw an opening. He shot the imulsion as it looked like it was twitching until it just layed there. RAAM peeked at the opening as he saw Rirks and Jarnix fighting. He saw that Rirks was glowing bright and was growing strength by the second.

"That traitor!" RAAM murmured as his men busted through the opening as RAAM tried to bring them back.

But it was too late. Rirks let Jarnix to the ground and pounded RAAM's men like an insane berserker. RAAM couldn't sit there and watch. After all he was the most respected General. He walked inside and saw Rirks grin devilishly. Rirks knew that if he killed RAAM, that he would become the ultimate ruler of the Lambent. Rirks walked towards RAAM as he chuckled. RAAM saw Jarnix standing up and grabbing his sword. RAAM then looked at the berserk Rirks who was about to squash RAAM with his cement like hands until he felt a cold rush running through his back.

He turned around as he saw the injured Jarnix grin. Rirks looked at his back as he saw the sword of Zunker in his back. It was trespassing Rirks as he screamed from the pain. Imulsion was dripping from the front and back as RAAM then took out his sword and stabbed Rirks from the front trespassing through the back. Again, drips of imulsion came out like an almost opened sink. Jarnix then walked injurley at the now Rirks who was at his knees. Jarnix then took out his sword and slashed it at Rirks head. The head flew up like a steam as imulsion shot up like a rocket. The body fell to the ground bouncing at least once from the force of the body. The body threw up a pool of imulsion as the spine stook out like a snake. RAAM took out his and Zunkers sword as he put them on his back. Jarnix did the same thing with his as he picked up Rirks head.

"A trophy for the Queen?" Jarnix asked.

"It would be an excellent gift colonel."

Jarnix nodded as his group blasted the ceiling from were the two stood. They lowered their rides as Jarnix looked at the team less RAAM.

"Need a lift?" Jarnix asked.

RAAM looked at Jarnix then he thought about it for a while. "My reavers are probably in their way towards The Nexus, the horde and their rides has already left, and my team is dead. It is an obvious question. But where shall I ride?"

"Kendron has a hydra that he rides by himself. You shall join him." Jarnix answered.

RAAM nodded as he was helped on the Hydra by Kendron. Zumn and Reluk helped the injured Colonel on top of his reaver as he took the passenger seat.

The small group left the building and the city and made their way back towards Nexus.

05-02-2009, 07:42 PM
lol Double ownage!

05-02-2009, 08:36 PM
Good chapter but for future chapters remember to re-read it to fix any grammar errors.

05-02-2009, 10:13 PM
It has always killed me how "Cernal" is spelled colonel.

Jay the Arbiter
05-03-2009, 02:22 PM
You mean like how "Samon" is actually "Salmon"?

Anyway, short but sweet stuff.

Cog Edward
05-03-2009, 02:56 PM
Thanks guys. And for LocustQueen, I read your comment and found some errors so thanks.

05-03-2009, 06:03 PM
Hey nice chapter Edward, keep it going!

05-05-2009, 09:59 AM
Lol, nice. RAAM kicks a*s! :)

Cog Edward
05-05-2009, 04:35 PM
Thanks guys. Won't be able to do a chapter soon because both of my wrists are sprained. Can do short chats but not a chpater.

05-05-2009, 11:58 PM
Thanks guys. Won't be able to do a chapter soon because both of my wrists are sprained. Can do short chats but not a chpater.

Holy f*ck, both of them!? How in the world did that happen? :eek::eek:

Cog Edward
05-23-2009, 10:13 PM
Fell off a rocky cliff.

Cog Edward
05-25-2009, 06:26 PM
Here it is! At last after 2 months! It is short put it is all a part to the next act. Say hello to.....

Chapter 5: Royal Attack

The winds blew in their faces. Jarnix felt confident enough to even laugh a bit. Raam and Jarnix both knew the Queen was off to make a solution with the so called humans and the "Upper World".

"Shall the Queen be missing for long?" Jarnix asked peeping to the hydra where Raam was.

"She should be back in a line between two or three hours." Raam replied folding his arms and wondering off to no where.

"So we should be there when the Queen arrives, yes?" Rouhk boomed.

"Appears so."

Back at the Nexus, Locust troops were nervous and excited to see the Queen's arrival. Decorations were set everywhere and torches were set around the Queen's landing spot. Priests, Prisoners, Hordes, and even traitors were awaiting the Queen.

The Kantus were humming and meditating to make sure the Queen would arrive back safely. The Queen was their leader and without her, the Hollow would stand alone against the glowing monsters.

T'Chark had said that the humans were friendly and easy to speak. But little did the creatures of the hollow know, that there was going to be an effect of a life time that will leave marks in locust history.

The three rides landed safely to the closest area around the circle. The six jumped out and let the flying creatures away.

Jarnix walked up to a Palace Guard standing still on one side of the circle. The guard sensed the Colonel walked towards him so he quickly faced him and greeted him with an old horde greeting.

"Hello Colonel, will you be staying for the Queen's arrival?" The guard quickly asked.

"Yes. But I first need to know if there has been any news of the Queen?" Jarnix asked back.

The guard fumbled with the words that he would choose before answering. "I am afraid not. We are all worried. We wonder if the humans would accept her and lead us to victory!"

"I hope so too." Raam quickly interrupted hopping into the scene.
One Hour Later 6:27

Jarnix stood perfectly still with his sons Revix, Cinchs, and Herex. Revix, the oldest one had just came back from his guarding duty to watch the Queen arrive.

At last the Queen arrived. But something was wrong, her reaver was going up and down and parts of it was flowing off. Creatures gasped as the reaver crashed landed. Guards had to hold off worried drones and any lower ranks and let the higher rates go first. The Queen slowly rose from her damaged, but live reaver. She had rubble and all sorts of dirt on her.

"My Queen!" Both Gasped Jarnix and Raam.

They both ran to her and helped her up as she was helped to her circle where she would talk.

"Fellow creatures of the hollow! The humans can not be trusted! We shall begin war with them in exactly two weeks. You shall be ready to destroy their world and conquer their space with force if we have too! Now go, go!" The Queen yelled. Every one left the area to prepare themselves for the day, that would change everyones life!

smurf plastic
05-25-2009, 06:46 PM
Nice, but the ending seemed slightly rushed.

05-25-2009, 07:17 PM
Hmmm...Short, but sweet.

Tom W
05-25-2009, 07:18 PM
Nice stuff. i dont know how you guys do this, but its damn amazing

05-25-2009, 07:20 PM
Cog, please continue.....

Jay the Arbiter
05-26-2009, 05:40 AM
It's short, but it makes me glad that your recovery came quickly. :)

05-26-2009, 06:47 AM
When do we read more Jay?

Jay the Arbiter
05-26-2009, 08:06 AM
When he's written more i guess.

Cog Edward
05-26-2009, 08:53 PM
@ smurf: I kinda rushed since my hands are still not 100%. But the important thing is that it was good and people liked it.

@ Others: Thanks. I'll be writing as soon as I get better.

05-26-2009, 08:56 PM
What is with your hands?

Cog Edward
05-26-2009, 09:31 PM
I fell off a cliff. Ask no more I don't like to remind myself of it.

05-26-2009, 09:32 PM

Cog Edward
05-26-2009, 09:34 PM
What my ff or the fall?

05-27-2009, 08:00 PM
^ Lol. I think he meant the story. ;)

Yeah, nice chapter. I dunno but, it seemed more gripping than the others, maybe because of the forthcoming war? And yeah, hate to admit it, but I kinda lol'ed at the Queens entrance... seems like the COG kicked her a*s! :p

smurf plastic
05-27-2009, 08:48 PM
And, I must say, COG kicking *ss is so lovable. Yeah, I can't wait to see how they respond and am awaiting a 'grand march'.

Desciple of Skorge
05-28-2009, 03:17 PM
It's been a real long time since I've been here, what with finals and the end of the school year, so I just got the time to read your fan fic and so far it's great. Keep up the good work!;)

Cog Edward
06-11-2009, 02:27 AM
Thanks guys Next chapter should be out 6-11.

Cog Edward
06-12-2009, 11:42 AM
Chapter 6: Welcome To Higher Hell

Boots pounded against the hard, cold, rocky texture like floor as Jarnix left his home alongside his son Revix.

"Now remember, once we get to my location, you will have to go and split. I will not allow you to risk your death at a young age!" Jarnix explained as he walked forward.

"But father, I will be at your side! I would love bringing these, monsters to their knees!" Revix tried to reason with as he followed the colonel.

"Nonsense!" Jarnix boomed throughout the hollow as he stopped. Some staring.

"Father...." Revix tried to continue.

"I've had enough! Return home and don't let me see you up there!" Jarnix snapped.

"Yes...yes father." Revix sighed as he turned around and walked home with his head low.

Jarnix turned and looked at his son from a distance. "Be in peace my son."

After a while, Jarnix's crew arrived.

"We have new member!" Rouhk announced as he let a figure walk by. He was a well built Theron commander with a bony like jaw sticking out just like Raam. He was tall, athletic and had chalky skin. He seemed to have a necklace made out of some old string and four lambent fingers. He seemed to be kind of a silent person as he carried his long shot hand in hand. He seemed to be a senior and knew what he was doing.

The Theron greeted the colonel the locust way as Jarnix looked at him in the eye.

"What is your name my fellow brethren?" Jarnix asked curiously.

The Theron looked at the colonel for a while before answering. "I am Commander Venju, I have been sent to help you and your crew throughout this new experience we shall have!"

"Welcome to hell Venju. Hope you will be a huge help." Jarnix sighed as he lead the way towards the rides.

Once they all got into their rides, they were off for a long voyage towards the beginning of the end.

They arrived to the field as there were huge lines and crowds of locust soldiers and locust traders. The closer they got the noisier it got. Starting with booming laughs and cries, and continuing with socializing and yelling. The creatures buyed, sold, traded and even tested weapons. They were all getting ready for their attack as there was a small circle where the high ranks would be so they would be the first to arrive to the surface. There seemed to be a tall, bronze building right next to the circle where the high ranks would enter. The whole building was about three hundred and three feet high, it had huge bronze doors about fourty five feet each with only two windows standing thirty four feet tall at the border of the building. The windows also had the famous locust future painted on it. Having a locust creature so far unknown, stabbing both a lambent and another creature. The curious locust were about to find out what that creature was.

"Looks like they are awaiting our arrival!" Kendron shouted over the noise as the reavers and hydra landed inside the circle. The six got out of the rides and approached the center.

"Colonel, Commander, and crew, right this way please." A Palace Guard hissed as he lead them inside the building.

The Guard walked through a hall and lead them into a wide room where all the others awaited Jarnix and his crew.

The room was all bronze with no windows but it did have lots of paintings.

"Jarnix! So good to have you aboard this ride!" Raam shouted approaching Jarnix.

"I can't just sit out and miss all this stuff! We have to stand up to these beasts!" Jarnix proudly shouted grinning right after.

The Queen suddenly came into the room as she went in front of the room and shouted a speech that would never be forgottened.

"My fellow locust, this is the time to act, to take the surface world! This is our only chance to escape the lambent and destroy the humans! We shall destroy one, and then destroy the other! If we accomplish this task, we shall be the superior species. No more suffering, no more war! A world would be perfect if we could just wipe those two species! For ages, these beasts have been living upon us, well no more, we shall extinguish them into bits and vanish them into dust! We need to take advantage of this opportunity and crush our competition for the surface! Shall this be the last meeting for some of you, and for others, there will be more than this! Now go, go and lead our biggest horde ever into the biggest war, this forsaking planet will ever see!"

The creatures inside shouted and yelled victory to early as they raised their hands, marched outside and climbed aboard their rides as the others and the low ranks did the same. The first ones in front was none other than General Raam, Colonel Jarnix, and Commander Swiks alongside their crew. The three leaders looked back as they heard and saw that it was all quiet. The soldiers were waiting for orders and the seeders waiting to be let go of. Raam nodded at both Jarnix and Swiks as the three of them let out a war cry booming throughout the entire hollow as the rest of the horde joined them. The three stopped yelling as the General gave orders for the seeders to be let go of and for the rest to follow them. The rest of the horde kept shouting as the seeders started to move their legs and scratch the dirk and rock out to a side making a huge tunnel. The ones in front which would be the higher ranks flew their rides through the tunnel as for the rest of the others ran or also used their rides to get across. Jarnix's crew followed his reaver with Reluk behind Jarnix manning the gun. Jarnix felt this weird feeling in his stomach. He held it as he ignored it and started to huff and puff. The locust colonel did not know what was happening, but what was happening, was that he was anxious and ready to start this war. The colonel looked back and saw all the locust soldiers climbing and some even riding reavers. The horde was huge as it covered the whole tunnel. All that could be seen was locust skin and flesh. The seeder finally ended his way as a huge hole opened up on the ground. A war that would never be forgotten, has just begun!

Jarnix's crew came out first as Jarnix held his arm up to his eyes letting out a small yelp of pain as a huge ball of light hit him straight in the eye. The rest did the same when they came out until they got used to it. Jarnix blinked once or twice to get rid of the burn as he flew across what the humans called, "streets". The humans had just finished their war which was called "The Pendulum Wars". But the locust only saw an upper hand at this as Jarnix then flew across human beasts. They looked up and pointed as some had cloth and their skin looked to be white, tan, or dark brown. Others had helmets and large metal armor. Jarnix knew that the metal beasts had to be the soldiers. So Jarnix ordered Reluk to pen fire on the metal beasts. Reluk opened fire as so did the rest of the crew. Raam and Swiks split up as so did Jarnix's crew. Reluk aimed the gun carefully as he shot down some of the beasts. Blood covered the streets as some humans also opened fire. It was hell until Rouhk decided to use his mulcher instead and ended up being a good idea. Humans were cut into bits from the impact of the large bullets as the dark color of the streets, became red. Jarnix could hear gunshots from the distance as he could also hear human females crying and yelling. Jarnix ordered for the reavers and hydra to land as they drove to the ground. Once they did, they all jumped off as they aimed their weapons around to see if there were any humans left. They put their weapons down as they all gathered together.

"Alright, there seems to be a road at the east of this direction. More humans could be that directions. And by the looks of it, there are gonna be more of them." Jarnix announced.

"So what do you suggest?" Asked Zumn.

"We go east and try to find more humans. Hopefully more locust troops will arrive quickly. We need to hurry and destroy most of this city. Hopefully a generator or satellites of some sort." Jarnix replied.

"What if there are more than one?" Reluk also asked.

"We could split up, or take them out one by one together." Jarnix warned.

"I say we split, if I am correct, the humans would be too busy fighting off the other troops that we could just slip in quietly and destroy what we can find!" Kendron suggested.

"I'm going with Kendron." Rouhk boomed as Jarnix looked at Zumn and Reluk. They nodded at Jarnix as the colonel turned to Venju.

"What about you Venju?" Jarnix asked wanting to know his opinion.

"I say we go for it. There shouldn't be so much trouble." Venju replied.

"Alright then, it's a plan." Jarnix announced as he ordered the rides to go to a safe spot in the hollow and come back when they needed them. The rides quickly responded as they went back into the hole about three miles away.

"Alright soldiers, were gonna go for a long walk." Jarnix warned as he started walking with the others following him.

Jay The Arbiter as Venju

06-12-2009, 12:54 PM
Nice, but they're in for trouble when they meet up with Delta squad... YEAH!!! :p

Cog Edward
06-12-2009, 12:56 PM
Eh....I got better plans....but for you to know at least a little of it, you might want to read my first story. Not all of it just a bit. I would give you a sneak peak but it would spoil for everyone else. Want me to PM it to you?

06-12-2009, 01:03 PM
^ You mean "Beginning Of The End"? ;)

Ohh and one thing about this that intrigued me... the window showing the Locust future, are you going use that in some way in future chapters?

Cog Edward
06-12-2009, 01:05 PM
Yeah, probably in diffrent ocasions too.

smurf plastic
06-12-2009, 02:46 PM
Could you make the COG seem a little more...competent. I know you're probably trying to get off the 'bad-*ss unstoppable vibe' but I feel as though the humans gave guns to toddlers...Make them seem like they're winning in some parts but overall fail.

06-12-2009, 02:55 PM
Short and Sweet:)

06-12-2009, 03:04 PM
Awesome story mate. Sorry I've been busy recently.

06-12-2009, 03:37 PM
Very Nice, The characters are very interesting and good perspective from the locust.

Jay the Arbiter
06-12-2009, 07:07 PM
I'd forgotten about Venju.

Anyway, twas good stuff!

06-12-2009, 09:32 PM
Definetly better from when you first started.

06-13-2009, 01:15 AM
Hey nice chapter Edward. But to bad this was like a blank to me. I really need to find the chapters I missed, so I'll catch up when I can. Until then keep it up mate!

Cog Edward
06-13-2009, 08:03 AM
Could you make the COG seem a little more...competent. I know you're probably trying to get off the 'bad-*ss unstoppable vibe' but I feel as though the humans gave guns to toddlers...Make them seem like they're winning in some parts but overall fail.

Smurf, remember, E-Day began right after the pendulum, the cog weren't expecting it. That's why they died off quickly. You get my point? Next chapter they should have more action. And thanks everyone for your comments.

06-13-2009, 08:09 AM
Edward, so I read though the chapter and there is a couple of things that you can try to work on as you progress with your story.

Pacing: You really need to break the sayings, like using replied, warned, said, etc. It takes a lot away from the characters that you are trying to build and create. Try to tie in the dialouge into what your characters are doing like so

Jessica put both her hands in the air, “Then we have a lot to cover, and not a lot of time to do so,” Jessica slowly stepped backwards, heading for a wall of computers, consoles, and some other monitors Charles couldn’t make out. She turned to a small video screen and began scrolling through it, “I have no idea where to start explaining this,”

Your characters need to have a life about them, they need to be doing stuff over saying the saying. Every once and a while is ok, but all the time really draw the attention away from the story. Another thing with pacing is the story needs to get intense and draw the reader in, you are trying to paint picture and have the reader feel like they are there watching it before their eyes. Try setting up your scenes with how the world around them is and go nuts with detail, I want to feel like I'm there.

Flow: This how your story works from paragraph to paragraph, chapter to chapter, beginning to end. It should all flow together smoothly, so that it doesn't feel like a stop and go roadtrip. It feels like that now, and it ties into the pacing, if you have ever heard a metronome it clicks in the same pattern over and over again. You want your flow and pacing to be a mixture of fast and slow parts, like a good song has a good mixture of both, because if it's all one way it will drive you nuts. Try to build anticipation in the reader and make them want more.

Other than that great job! But try to make a name for Jarnix's crew, it really just is like a killer for me, be creative and keep it up.

Cog Edward
06-13-2009, 08:21 AM
I am using replied, warned and said.....or are you saying not to use'em?

EDIT: Thanks for the advise. I'll try to use it for an advantage in my next chapter.

06-13-2009, 08:23 AM
I am using replied, warned and said.....or are you saying not to use'em?

Don't use them as much, they aren't needed all the time. Every once and a while is fine but all the time takes a lot away from the picture you are painting for the reader.

And look at my post again I posted it kind of quick so I could work it out clearer.

Cog Edward
06-13-2009, 08:32 AM
Ok, so you're saying something like this, (Just example, this ain't gonna happen)

"This is pretty strange." Dwight slowly sighed as he passed through the burned grass that had been left by a boomer. Dwight slowly turned his head as he saw about hundreds of bodies left in the floor. Dwight quickly rushed to the bodies as his heart started pounding, his legs carrying him as far as they could. He stopped in mid breath as he held his hands up to his head. "Oh...my...." Was the only thing that could come out of his mouth. Locust seemed to have a new weapon that could instantly chop any hard like texture into pieces. Seemed like the team that he had been looking for, was all over the place.
Like that?

06-13-2009, 08:49 AM
Kind of, try to work for it to flow more like this

"Oh my god,... what?" He slowly sighed, as he passed through the scorched field. Dwight stood still gazing upon bodies, hundreds laid still around him, all lifeless, all dead. His heart pounded, it felt as if it was beating out of his chest as he moved toward them, his legs felt weak and dreary as he trudged forward.

The bodies were mangled into thousands of pieces, he stood breathless and awestruck, "What have they done now..." His hands felt numb as placed his face within them. "What have they done..."

Give the reader detail but allow them to see it for themselves.

Cog Edward
06-13-2009, 09:15 AM
Dang...I'm gonna have to practice. How about this one. Almost the same thing just diffrent place and situation.

"What...is this?" Brian slowly gasped as he stood there, like a statue. Bodys were all over the dirt like floor that had been covered my blood. No grass, no flowers no life. Brian felt as if he was the only living creature left in this forsaking planet. Bodies layed still on the ground, lifeless, destroyed. He finally had the courege to walk forward as he closed his eyes trying to forget the scene he had just seen. But even with his eyes closed, his heart ponded like if it was ripping its way out of Brian's chest. His hands stuck holding the rusty gun. Sweat dropped from his fore head as Brian kept lipping out the words, "Oh my god, oh my god" over and over again like a robot. His legs burning trying to hold up his weigh.

Brian then stummbled on something smooth like. He touched it in a few places as he heard flys near. The maggots were eating and munching on the dead bodies. Brian then grabbed the object infront of him. He slowly opened his eyes letting light hit his eyes. His heart pounding faster and faster the closer his eyes came to being open. He could hear his beats through his brains. He chattered his teeth together and took a few seconds before opening his eyes completeley. He would have wished those seconds back as he threw himself back frightened and speechless of what he had fumbled on. A skined alive human was hanged in a scorched tree branch as the bodie seemed to have a puddle of blood right beneath it. It's eyeballs had been pulled right out as maggots layed their eggs inside the bodie. It had stopped bleeding so Brian knew that the bodie was old. But old or new, the poor kid ran back as fast as he could, legs infront of the other, his legs trying to move faster every second. But the weigh was too high, Brian stumbled off a hill not wanting to know what was next.
Anyways, I ain't gonna put so much stuff on that. A simple two or three line paragraph for words might do. But the details I'm only gonna use a little with help of what I'm doing now. I want my ff to be simple and easy for the writer and the reader to see. My chapters now take me about four to five hours. If I add all of this it will take me a whole sleeping time.(8 hours). But I'm still gonna add detail. Just not as much detail as you put. I will also use your advise. In other words to put this whole thing together, I'm not gonna use alot of details. If you don't want to read my ff because of the detail part, I won't blame, or get mad at you.

06-13-2009, 10:08 AM
When is there some more?

Jay the Arbiter
06-13-2009, 11:47 AM
Could you make the COG seem a little more...competent. I know you're probably trying to get off the 'bad-*ss unstoppable vibe' but I feel as though the humans gave guns to toddlers...Make them seem like they're winning in some parts but overall fail.

I take it my Fanfic wouldn't be your cup of tea then. :rolleyes:

Anyway, hope to see more soon Ed!

Cog Edward
06-13-2009, 12:02 PM
Should be some more around today afternoon or tomorow. Depends.

Cog Edward
06-18-2009, 11:26 AM
Chapter 7: Out Of Order

Jarnix ran through the rugged streets. Shooting every animal he could see. Blood gushing from the COG. Streets being covered in fresh scent of war. Rouhk smirked as he started to unleash hell on the humans. One of them tried to sneak up around Zumn. The cog tried to shoot at his head but Reluk quickly threw a stone that he had found on the floor directly at the humans head. The male could only groan in pain as he flew at a side. Blood gushed out a small crack on his skull as blood spat out like juice out of an apple. It stayed in the air and floated down slowly. The soldier quickly snapped out of consciousness as he tried to crawl on his back and shoot, but it was too late. Kendron shot his head as the human threw his head back and let the pool of his brain blood flush out.

Venju sniffed the air as he sighed. "Love the smell of war in the afternoon." He smirked as Jarnix grinned and lead the team towards a small road where they ran into a lone drone. The drone smiled in happiness as he ran towards them.

"Are you Jarnix? The leader of the 'Blood Seekers?'" He questioned as he pointed and had a "Hope" look on him.

"Um...I guess I am." Jarnix replied scratching the back of his head confused. "How did you come up with this clever name soldier?"

"My friends and I are always talking about you and how your team rescues us from the lambe..." The drone was cut off by a bullet straight to the head as his skull bounced off the concrete floor as bone fragments shot up like fire works. His body gushed up blood from it's spine and quickly fell to the floor on it's blood pool.

"Snipers!" Zumn quickly yelped as he took cover with the rest of the group.

"Right building! Third floor!" Reluk announced yelling through the still echoing ears of the "Blood Seekers".

"Take him down Kendron!" Jarnix commanded rubbing off the sound off his ears.

Kendron quickly nodded and took out his long shot. He held it up steady and looked through the scope. He quickly spotted the target and pulled the trigger hitting the soldier in the chest. Blood slipped out of him as he held his wound and started to loose balance. He crashed out of the window he was aiming out off and landed flat on the floor. The impact of the smash was too powerful for the body. It crushed into pieces with a squish and let the helmet roll down the street. Blood gushed into walls and gates as the pieces where sent off into the air like bullets.

"Clear shot!" Kendron announced as he reloaded perfectly and exchanged his long shot for his gorgon.

Jarnix walked slowly to the drone's body as he dropped a little and picked up his locust emblem.

"The Blood Seekers we were named, the Blood Seekers we shall be!" Jarnix announced holding the emblem up into the air.

The group howled and shouted as to agree and like the name.

"Now let's find those generators!" Jarnix mumbled looking at the emblem. He quickly put it on his bullet pocket as he continued down the road.

"Think we'll be lucky enough to end mankind in one day?" Zumn asked cheer fully towards Reluk.

"If, and only if, T'Chark allows it." Reluk replied turning to the young private as he grinned following Jarnix's step.

"By the looks of it, there's no way we'll end it in one day. To many scums!" Venju snarled as he jumped in.

"I would like to smash little humans!" Rouhk also jumped seeming to cock his head side to side.

"Enough! By the looks of it, it might take us four teen to six teen years!" Kendron hissed looking towards at Jarnix.

"I do not care how long this war takes. I'll take down each and one of these ugly humans." Jarnix growled at the sound of the word human coming out of his mouth.

Zumn made his mouth long and lips short as to say. "Messed with the wrong guy."
- Emergence Day, 6:28 PM -

The Kile walked for miles until they got to their destination. They were right. There were two generators inside a three story high building as they were both low guarded. A single drone could get inside and destroy it, so why couldn't the Blood Seekers?

"There it is!" Reluk murmured wiping off some sweat off his fore head.

"Alright, Rouhk, Reluk, you guys are with me. The rest of you take the one on the far end, oh and Venju, you're in charge." Jarnix ordered as he slided down a muddy hill and took cover behind some trees. The other team did the same but further down.

Two guards were guarding the entrance as they were walking side to side watching for any side ambush. But the trio of Jarnix, Rouhk and Reluk only saw this as an opportunity.

"On my signal, we shall creep inside slowly. That's directly for you Rouhk. Try not to boom the floor." Jarnix asked sarcastically at the nodding Rouhk.

The guards met each other at the entrance and then walked off in different directions as Jarnix moved his hand. Jarnix and Reluk ran fast towards the entrance as Rouhk walked slowly and carefully trying not to make any noise as the guards were about to turn. The two tryed to tell Rouhk to move quickly but it was too late. The guards turned to see a huge figure walking into the entrance. They were alerted by this as they tried to open fire without ringing the alarm. Care less mistake as Reluk stepped outside and threw two knifes at the COG. One of them was hit in the throat as he grabbed the knife and tryed to pull away but the losing blood pouring from the slash made him feel cold and fall to his death. The other killed the other one quickly from the force of the knife going into his head. No blood came out as the body fell down with a thump. The Blood Seekers shrugged and continued inside.

"Alright, two guards. We can quickly past through them!" Announced Venju at the listening Killer Beasts. He nodded as he saw the guards were walking into the opposite directions. The trio ran past the dirt and grass, through the guards and inside the building.

Zumn took the will to go inside quickly and snap the head of the only guard on the first floor. He nodded as he knew the second floor was gonna be more guarded. Kendron threw an ink grenade up from the stairs as Zumn and Venju aimed at the entrance just in case the two came in. They sure did as soon as they heard and smelled the ink grenade.

They quickly took cover from the Blood Seekers ammo. Three COG came down stairs coughing as Kendron gunned down one of them. The other two quickly took cover when they saw their comrade die. Venju took out his hammerbusrt and threw himself over cover into the two COG that came out of the stairs. He shot the first one straight in the head as he blew his skull clean off. The other one opened fire at Venju hitting him a few times. Venju quickly took cover and threw a frag grenade. The COG rolled out of the way safely, but unfortunately, in front of Venju. Venju grabbed the COG by it's neck and snapped it with ease. A quick "SNAP" and a man's life was over. Venju dropped the body as it thumped and let drops of blood come out of his ear section.

Venju re grouped with the other Blood Seekers as Zumn had executed one with a bloody boot to the face, while Kendron punched the life out of the other.

"Come on, we got more humans to kill." Venju announced as the others nodded and followed Venju.

Reluk saw that there was only one guard as he told the others. Jarnix nodded as he tagged the body with a frag and quickly sent it up the stairs they found. A quick explosion sounded and body pieces rained down from the stairs as well as some full bodies. Some were alive, some not. The three took cover as Rouhk opened fire slashing apart two of the five living soldiers with hot led. Blood squirted over the walls with a sickening splat as Rouhk laughed childishly. But for the real world, it sounded like an evil scientist's laugh.

The rest opened fire at the Blood Seekers as Reluk opened fire on a COG with his boltok pistol and let a bullet run through his head as he skull blew off clean. Jarnix gunned down the rest as they flipped out of cover and ran up the stairs. They did not care what was in that room so they just continued on up. They saw the generator unguarded as Reluk walked over to it and started planting mines and bombs on it. After a while when Reluk was done, they ran down the stairs and the entrance knowing they were safe and only five minutes until detonation. They saw the other team run out of their location too and running towards them. Kendron made a reaver noise to summon the Reavers and Hydra as they quickly came out of a fresh emergence hole. The Blood Seekers got on their rides and into the emergence hole for a safe ride home as the generators that powered a whole town blew up turning the town plain dark like ghost town.

Jay The Arbiter as Venju

06-18-2009, 12:13 PM
I lol'ed when that one drone got sniped. :D

The COG are still coming off as a bunch of pus*ies though. But I know what it's like, you don't want to kill off characters, and you don't want characters sidelined for the whole story just because they got injured in a firefight. But ya gotta make the COG a little more of a threat somehow, even imply that they're a threat by making your characters second guess themselves or show concern at some points. Right now, they're just rolling through the COG like me playing multiplayer. :p

Cog Edward
06-18-2009, 12:20 PM
Lol. But that's why I put the explanations in chapter 6! The COG were to busy fighting off the incoming locust! They only put around 20 men to guard it instead of 200! That's why it was easy. Espesially for a Locust Colonel.

Jay the Arbiter
06-18-2009, 01:07 PM
Locust clans seem to be rising up these days (See what i did there? ;))

Anyway, good stuff!

smurf plastic
06-18-2009, 02:39 PM
Make them seem more of a threat like Boss said. Maybe one of the squad members gets hit. One says, 'wait, humans' showing concern. That kind of stuff. 20 guys with automatic weaponry are still a force to be reckoned with.
Other than that a good read with nice, varying fighting parts.

06-18-2009, 03:54 PM
Nice work man, keep it coming. Make sure you add some Stranded death's leadter on... Never can hurt! :D

Cog Edward
06-19-2009, 08:46 AM
Locust clans seem to be rising up these days (See what i did there? ;))

Anyway, good stuff!

Heh, yeah. Anyways I hope to be making chapters even faster since I'm back to 100 %!

Cog Edward
06-19-2009, 08:47 AM
And thanks for the other comments. I hope next chapter will be better.

06-20-2009, 12:03 AM
Thats was awesome, can't wait for more Edward :D

06-20-2009, 12:19 AM
Flow was a little choppy at the beginning but you figured it out after that and it went great. Great Job with the details and everything!

06-20-2009, 12:51 AM
that was great keep it up.

Cog Edward
06-20-2009, 12:52 AM
@ WaldoRtk7: Thanks man. I hope it continues to go that way. except the beginning part.

@ CanOGears: Thanks. Should be more out by tomorrow.

@KILLER WARDOG: Thanks. Never seen you around, but nice to see new people are reading.

Maybe tomorrow will be something new guys.

Cog Edward
06-20-2009, 07:19 AM
A shock indeed in this chapter!

Chapter 8: Clash Of The Titans

Jarnix walked with Zumn and Reluk to the Theron Guard training spot. Zumn and Reluk couldn't wait. They've wanted to be Therons for ever. Now their leader was giving them their dreams. As they arrived, the two Therons guarding the door quickly moved aside and bowed their heads as the trio walked in.

"Thank you Jarnix for this wonderful occasion." Reluk thanked as he kept moving forward.

"Yeah, thanks I can not wait!" Zumn added.

Jarnix simply grinned and nodded and lead them to a Theron Sentinel.

"He shall be your leader in this training. Be good and don't give up!" Jarnix appointed with a growl. The two nodded fast scared of the beast. The two new members followed the Theron as Jarnix walked back out. Again the Therons nodded as Jarnix saw that the rest of the group was awaiting his arrival.

"Any news Kendron?" Jarnix shouted as he approached them.

"Yes, the ground walkers shall be in a march towards their city called 'Ilma'." Hissed Kendron as he quickly turned to see Jarnix.

"But the Lambent are supposed to attack today!" Venju added with a look of confusion.

"I want to smash glowing heads!" Rouhk boomed as he cackled.

"Alright, enough." Jarnix snapped as he smirked and looked at Venju and Rouhk. "You two go fight the Lambent. Kendron and I will deal with the Humans." Jarnix replied.

Rouhk and Venju quickly nodded as Venju lead the way towards the volunteers that would protect the hollow from the Lambent.

Jarnix started to stump away with Kendron quickly following him step by step.

"Status." Jarnix ordered while walking towards the reaver pen.

"Horde will leave in twenty minutes sir." Kendron worriedly hissed looking around.

"We'll make it don't worry." Jarnix sighed as he walked the stairs inside the pen.

The two got on Kendron's hydra as Kendron commanded it to move up. It quickly responded with a growl as it was sent flying up trying to find the location of Ilma and the perfect digging spot. Wind blew in the two Blood Seekers face as Jarnix closed his eyes and sighed. The Hydra quickly re grouped with the rest as Kendron warned that there were only five minutes left. The hole started to open as a bunch of drones and grenadiers started to climb up. The Blood Seekers quickly re joined them as the Hydra flew up and out of the already opened fresh emergence hole. Locust drones were all over the place with blood covering half of the streets.

"Vile beasts!" Kendron hissed as he quickly saw ammo shoot towards them. "Colonel, duck!" He warned as Jarnix and Kendron ducked their heads. The humans shot the hydra instead as it yelped in pain and took a quick landing in a near spot. Jarnix and Kendron got down as they took cover.

Drones were getting slaughtered as the COG shot their terrifying tanks at the horde. Locust and locust blood was sent to the air as Jarnix closed his eyes not wanting to see the horror. Rotten smell filled the air as maggots and flies ate the dead soldiers from Sera. Locust died, humans died. This wretched world was filled with war. The COG tenderized and cut the locust with their lancer chain saws cutting them into pieces. Every killed soldier was a lost soul. The Locust started to fight back even better just killing a few of the percent of the humans. The tank still shot blowing locust into chunks sending body pieces up like bullets and blood like a back wards rain.

The only thing everyone knew, was war. War started this wretched fight and war was gonna end it. The COG seemed to have the upper hand as Jarnix growled at this sight. Jarnix roared as he started to throw three of his grenades. It did damage sending humans to their deaths, but not enough. Jarnix knew the Tank was the main problem. He grabbed his last grenade and aimed it carefully. Trying not to waste it. He estimated the shot and the distance as he kept swinging the grenade in circles not ready to shoot it yet as he hoped his plan would work.

"With all due respect sir, a simple grenade won't destroy such a monster." Kendron growled as Jarnix simply grinned.

"Just watch."

Jarnix care fully threw his grenade as it landed perfectly inside the shooter of the tank. Jarnix pulled himself back into cover knowing the blast was gonna send pieces. Locust also took cover as Cog started to run into further cover and the COG in the tank tried to get off but the grenade exploded making the inside of the tank blow up which meant that the whole tank blew into smithereens as well as close COG. That event took a lot of damage as the COG kept fighting. Jarnix caught something in the edge of his right eye as he turned to see what it was. A COG soldier was running for his life with a child about thirteen years old.

"Stay here." Jarnix ordered Kendron as he got up and ran to their direction.

"C'mon, we got to get going," Called out the man. "Hurry!" The man had a standard COG armor with spiked down hair colored dark brown.

"I'm trying!" The kid replied. He was a soldier in the army as he had a youth normal standard Cog armor. He was about 4'12 as he had spiked down hair also and was colored light brown. The kid gasped in horror as he turned around in fright. Jarnix was charging for the grown man as the kid quickly shouted to the man to move out of the way.

The man moved as Jarnix's fist flew in the air hitting nothing. Jarnix made a loud Roar as he ran towards the human. The kid watched in horror as he knew the man had no chance.

The man shot wildly at the incoming Jarnix, but no luck. Jarnix quickly slapped the gun out of his hands and shot a fist straight into the man's gut. He coughed a bit and spat out blood as the Cog took a brave Punch at Jarnix's face. It made damage but Jarnix got angry with his decision as he grabbed him by the neck and was about to smash his face into pieces as the kid ran towards Jarnix and shot his foot.

"Let go of my dad you locust scum!" He yelled as Jarnix yelped and screamed from pain. He quickly snapped out of it and threw the kids dad aside walking towards the now backing away child.

"Puny human! Be gone!" Jarnix boomed as he picked up the young COG and aimed a boltok to his head. Suddenly the man that was down shot lancer bullets into Jarnix's arm. The man had found his gun as he grinned and growled.

Jarnix yelped as he let go of the child yanking something out first. He felt it was kind of metallic as he turned his attention to his wounded arm. The kid fell down and ran towards safety as the man reved up his chainsaw and tried to go for the kill. Jarnix had too much attention towards the kid running that by the time Jarnix realized the man was charging, it was too late. Jarnix was able to dodge but with a cost. The chainsaw cut deep into his mouth and threw pieces of Jarnix's skin on the floor. Jarnix yelped from the pain. He pushed his head back as blood gushed out of his open mouth. A terrible deep painful cut had been injected to Jarnix as he moved his head around with pain. The man decided not to take any more chances as he ran away with the still alive kid.

Jarnix ran towards Kendron who was cheering victory with the other remaining eight locust. Two Theron Guards, two drones, one grenadier, one cyclops and two grenadier elites. Their rides and Kendron's Hydra was also present. Kendron saw that Jarnix was running towards him. He also noticed that blood was gushing from his hand that was covering his mouth. Too much blood to be a simple wound.

"Colonel! Quick, we need to go to a hospital!" Kendron gasped in horror as Jarnix climbed on board with the trusty second in command Kendron.

The others also got on their rides. And if some did not have rides, other locust would let them join for the ride. The Hydra that the two Blood Seekers were on went down first rushing through the tunnel. The others followed safely into the hole as the last ones there quickly closed the open wound on the ground. On the way to the hospital, Jarnix held up the thing he had yanked from the child.It was a necklace. It was a COG tag! He could barley see from the darkness of the hollow but he could read good enough. The text clearly read, "Private Edward Cane". Jarnix growled still holding his mouth with one hand, and crushing the tag with the other hand into pieces.

Jay the Arbiter as Venju

06-20-2009, 05:37 PM
Yeah, much better interaction between the COG and the Locust. One question though, Edward was a Gear at age thirteen? I think you need to be at least sixteen years of age before you can sign up to be a Gear. ;)

smurf plastic
06-20-2009, 05:52 PM
I have to agree with Boss, I really got the feel that though the COG were slaughtering the Locust hordes upon hordes were swarming out. I liked the ending. A little nipping and chopping and you got yourself a perfect chapter.

Jay the Arbiter
06-20-2009, 06:35 PM
Still going strong!

Cog Edward
06-20-2009, 10:10 PM
Yeah, much better interaction between the COG and the Locust. One question though, Edward was a Gear at age thirteen? I think you need to be at least sixteen years of age before you can sign up to be a Gear. ;)

Well I got it from the big wars people have gone through. Most of them let people in if they are 13 or older.That's why I did that.

And thanks everyone else for your comments.

Cog Edward
06-30-2009, 06:07 AM
Chapter 9: Hospitalized

Jarnix layed on the hospital bed blinking slowly and staring at the blank light buzzing on top of his little room. He took slow and steady breaths from all the blood loss and the sleeping gas the locust had found in a human hospital.

Jarnix saw a Kantus figure walk in. The second in command Kendron walked in and sighed walking up to Jarnix.

"The Doctor will arrive in a few minutes. You're entire mouth has been deformed sir." Kendron slowly said thinking of the words coming out of his mouth. He slowly sat down a near by chair as he gulped and sighed before another Kantus monk came in. But he was different.

His tung was only single sided and he wore a helmet going down his face. The only visible area on his face was from his mouth and under. He had a wide black glass in front of his eyes making a V shape. He had armor like a Theron guard, as tall as a berserker, but the brains of a genius. His name was Rovy. He was a famous doctor and an excellent soldier, People also called him Rov for short.

Rov walked towards Jarnix and held a awkward shaped machine that was wrapped on Jarnix's head and put on his nose and mouth. Gas entered into his nose as Jarnix didn't even bother to fight it. The last words he heard before passing out was the deep voice of Rov.

"Sleep well colonel, you'll need it."

Kendron stepped out of the room meeting the rest of the Blood Seekers.

"Will the boss be joining?" Asked a confused Rouhk trying to peek through Kendron's shoulder and into Jarnix's room.

"No, We'll have to take this mission to our selfs. The lambent keep getting closer and they shall not spread our blood!" An angered Kendron snapped. He walked towards the new Reluk who was a Theron Guard, he then looked at Zumn who was a Theron Sentinel and nodded. "You two are also coming." He pointed towards Venju and looked at him with a snakeish grin. "We're all in. We're the only ones in." He shouted as he stormed off the scene and towards the Reaver pen as the others followed.

They had gotten a new Reaver that could hold the entire Blood Seekers letting the rest of their rides rest. The five entered as Reluk sighed seeing the empty seat beside him.

"Colonel..." Reluk sighed as he layed back and closed his eyes. He had been good friends with Jarnix earning his trust. They had always been friends and always had each others back Never turning on each other. They where like brothers.

Zumn redied his weapons as he chuckled a bit before looking at Venju. "You think we will be lucky?" He asked continuing packing his weapons.

"The Queen has so many tricks. We could sink in a hole and never come out. Or fly into heaven." Venju replied hopping onto his seat.

"Meaning?" Zumn asked back also climbing on board.

"One shall rise, one shall fall." Venju replied starring at Zumn.

"Let's hope we rise." Kendron murmured climbing on.

Kendron drove the reaver onto the air and swifted through the air charging for it's location.

Rov moved his needle up and down through Jarnix's lip. The silk running through holding the wound down. Rov changed materials now and then as he fixed up Jarnix's lip neatly. He whiped the blood off with his small towel and let the colonel rest until he was ready to fight.

"How's he doing doctor?" A Theron suddenly walked in. It was Revix. Revix crossed his arms and walked inside the room with his Theron Guard uniform.

"He should rest for at least three days. He has lost alot of blood. And even then he won't be able to fight. He has too much battle wounds. I had to do surgery on his knee for being cracked, I had to re attach his shoulder, and fix his rib cage. You have one tough father young soldire." Rov replied still whiping blood off his apron.

"How do you know he is my father?" Revix ordered booming through the hospital.

Rov simply tapped his own head. "Instinct". Rov left the room leaving Revix and his injured father alone.

The Reaver cut through the air as it flew down into a far away rock bridge. The five got off leaving the Reaver waiting.

"This is it, this is the base." Kendron announced hopping off leaving the rest to do the same.

"What we do now?" Rouhk asked?

"We wait." Kendron replied bowing his head down and began to meditate.

"Five lambent troops. Four easy to kill, the other has..." Kendron widened his eyes and gasped in a little bit of fear. "...Turk..." He whispered leaving the rest to gasp. Turk was a Legend in Lambent history. No one has ever defeated him, or even lay a scratch on him. He can take bullets and is as insane as a berserker. He was a Lambent Theron Sentinel Sargeant who had average muscle tone. He commands the lambent any where he goes standing at seven feet and three inches. He wore a long red Theron cape as his eyes glowed a crimson red due to the imulsion running through him. He wore locust tags with imulsion on them as he stored a huge machette on his back.

"Let's just kill the first four easily. They are just drones and grenadiers." Venju suggested.

"Good idea, let's take our snipers and take down the four patrols, I'll take the one on the left, Zumn and Reluk, you two take the middle ones and Venju take the left." Kendron ordered. The four took out their long shots as Kendron turned to see Rouhk with a disappointed face.

"I want to squash." Rouhk whined.

"OK, you take out..." Kendron sighed looking around. "There, that small horde of lambent. Only ten. You can take them right?"

"I can also enialate them!" Rouhk boomed taking out his mulcher and aiming it at the horde.

"Ready, aim, fire!" Kendron shouted as gunfire entered the space. The four snipers easily popped the heads off of the four patrols clean off while Rouhk crushed the lambent horde. Turk saw this as he got angered pointing his Torque bow at them. He fired hoping to get a shot but he only got covered. He reloaded perfectly as he shot again this time with a bounce letting the arrow join the Blood Seekers. They ran in different directions as the arrow blew them into the air. Zumn was blown off the bridge and onto the battle field as Reluk got up quickly. Seeing this he reloaded his long shot perfectly and shot a bullet straight into Turk's chest. Turk took a long breath before ignoring the pain and walk towards an injured Zumn.

Zumn started to get up and saw that Turk was coming his way. Zumn started to run up the hill towards the bridge the others were. Reluk shot again this time getting Turk on his foot. Turk roared through the air as he threw a near rock towards Reluk. Reluk was in caught on the long shot he failed to notice the stone going straight towards him. Luckily Venju tackled Reluk out of the way as the stone made a crack on the wall that Reluk's head was.

Reluk thanked Venju as he saw that Zumn was almost on top. The four on the bridge shot their weapons at the insane Turk but all it did was anger him. Zumn stretched his hand and caught Reluk's. Reluk pulled Zumn up as a charging arrow blocked their reunion sticking on a near by rock. The arrow blew up blowing one of Zumn's leg. Zumn yelped and shouted in pain as he fell on Rouhk. Rouhk quickly catched him as Turk flew off with the rest of the living lambent on their reavers.

"Please..... For the love of T'Chark please help me!" Zumn cried in pain as he moaned moving around like a worm. Rouhk put Zumn on the reaver as Kendron put some bandages and paper towels from his healing kit on the open leg. He also kept pressure on it trying to keep the blood still.

"Make it stop! I beg of you...Please!" Zumn cried as blood kept pouring making a puddle around him.

They layed Zumn on the two free spaces on the reavers while Kendron and the rest climbed on board and once again, Kendron had to take an ally to the hospital.

Jay the Arbiter as Venju
SKORGE as Turk

Jay the Arbiter
06-30-2009, 08:35 AM
What is it with the V? Why's Revix annoyed with Rov knowing Jarnix's is his dad?

Still, good stuff!

06-30-2009, 11:52 AM
Nice chapter, I kinda liked Turk. Thought it was weird when he bailed though, he seemed to be doing pretty well in that fight.

Cog Edward
07-01-2009, 01:51 AM
@ Boss: Well he had more dutys to do.

@ Jay: The V thing is like a visor so blood dosen't get in his eyes, Revix just dosen't want anyone to spy on him.

Jay the Arbiter
07-01-2009, 07:23 AM
Ah Okay, i just had Revix as being proud to have Jarnix for a father (Wouldn't you? ;))

07-03-2009, 02:03 AM
Hey Edward I'll be reading through this, so it might be awhile before I post. How many chapters did I miss? Just this one?

Cog Edward
07-04-2009, 11:16 AM
I don't know man. I'm moving on the 8th so I'm real busy and in a really bad mood some times. But I aint gonna take it out on any of you.

07-05-2009, 12:08 AM
I don't know man. I'm moving on the 8th so I'm real busy and in a really bad mood some times. But I aint gonna take it out on any of you.


Well I hope you get happier soon. ANd thank you for not taking it out on us.

Cog Edward
07-05-2009, 02:23 AM
Ya'll are my friends. Friends don't get mad at others.....most of the time....:).

07-05-2009, 04:32 PM
I love that Fan Fic. Its unique because it about the life of a Locust instead of the average COG ones. Nice job.

07-05-2009, 07:30 PM
Ya'll are my friends. Friends don't get mad at others.....most of the time....:).

I wish that were true, but sometimes your friend needs a slap across the head, since he won't stay out of your fridge!

07-05-2009, 08:06 PM
I wish that were true, but sometimes your friend needs a slap across the head, since he won't stay out of your fridge!

I didn't know Skorge owned a fridge. I mean, I found his purple toaster...but where's that fridge?

Wisdom Thumbs
07-05-2009, 08:20 PM
"Who wants TOAST!!"

"I like mine crispy!"

07-05-2009, 08:57 PM
"Who wants TOAST!!"

"I like mine crispy!"

Atleast someone got my joke. :D:rolleyes:

Cog Edward
07-06-2009, 01:30 AM
@ SKORGE: I just wanted Ice cream!
@ MarcusFenix: How else would he feed?
@ ChrisX: This is your first time reading a locust story? Wow. I got two. A human and this one.
@ Wisdom Toast: I do.

07-06-2009, 01:34 AM
Yeah. Both kinds I enjoy. But for some reason this one just stood out for me lol.

Cog Edward
07-06-2009, 01:37 AM
Sure....thanks. More coming up. Maybe tonight. I saty up all night alot since I'm in job vacation.

Cog Edward
07-06-2009, 01:49 AM
And I might do it every week!

Cog Edward
07-06-2009, 09:13 AM
Chapter 10: Remembering

Zumn yelped from the pain. Reluk quickly following the rolling bed he layed in. The blood was pouring fast and the doctors were losing supplies. Zumn grabbed the metallic sides of the bed as he yelled and tried to hold his pain. Jarnix slowly opened his eyes from hearing his scream. He closely analyzed the voice as he was in disbelief. Zumn usually was the most careful member in his squad as Jarnix slowly arose up like a mummy.

"Zumn!" He shouted as he struggled to move. There was some bandages and stitches on his lip as well as his right shoulder and left knee. They were held down with bandages as he had some wrap around bandages all over his ribs. He struggled to move as Revix quickly shot up and grabbed his dad from the back of his neck and left shoulder.

"Dad! You need to rest! You can't go off now!" Revix instead as he tried to push his dad towards the bed.

"Watch me!" Jarnix quickly pushed his son back into the chair he once sat on as another yell from Zumn entered into his ears. Zumn was like another son to him. Young, cocky, and some times annoying. Jarnix slowly got up as Revix shot back up again and grabbed his dad's left arm and put it on his neck. He walked with his dad around the hospital as people looked at the colonel with fear.

The stitches planted on him made his lip temporarily push up from one side making him look like he was frowning with a twisted face. Jarnix looked around and growled at who ever stared at him. They quickly re joined their business. Revix walked his father to the close room where Zumn was in as Jarnix stood in horror. His left leg was blown half way as the doctors struggled with the loss of blood. Bone fragments were popping out as the doctors wrapped bandages and tryed to heal the nervous Zumn. But it was beginning to be to late. Too much blood was lost as Zumn was turning pale. The doctors thankfully filled him up with sleeping gas as he passed out. Doctors where finally doing steady work as they began to fix the young soldiers leg.

Revix gulped as he walked with Jarnix towards Venju. "What happened?" Both Revix and Jarnix awaited an answer.

"The lambent legend Turk lives! He shot an arrow near Zumn's leg and made it into chunks!" Venju quickly answered still paying close attention to Zumn's injury.

"Impossible! Raam and I killed him ten years ago!" Jarnix quickly shouted out staring into Venju's worried eyes.

"I'm afraid the impossible has turned into the possible."

"But... I saw him die that night! It was all clear."
It was a dark night in the hollow. Lambent were attacking the Nexus all over the place. Most of them where dealt with. Except Turk's squad. He was mention spotted near the Duplex dock. Raam and I rushed over towards it. We stopped at the beginning of the dock where it was high. There was some steps that went to the lower levels but something caught our attention. All locust troops where vanquished and the lambent seemed to be hiding. I was a captain back then and Raam was a soul killer. A soul killer was one of the most power fullest ranks. It was just under Colonel and General. Raam sniffed the air for tracks. I remember exactly what he said. It was easy to remember after all. He whispered to me the terrifying word.


I nodded and walked with Raam around the dock. We found a young locust cyclops that day. He was begging for mercy. We where about to help until he was quickly shot in the head. The blood splattered all over the place. The skull passed over my head as chunks where shot into my armor. Raam quickly chuckled as the lambent yelled and tryed to attack us. We took quick cover. The bullets sounded like stones falling into a dark hole. Raam made hand signals to me to throw a grenade at a tall pillar next to them. They would never expect that I was aiming at the Pillar. It made a quick scream or two before it cracked. It landed on all the lambents shooting the affective imulsion into the walls. Raam and I layed our heads so the toxic wouldn't harm us. We rose up and saw heads, arms, and legs all over the place. Fragments and imulsion layed everywhere like wretches. They were all together like one huge pool. The imulsion was quickly sucked into a shadow. But not the shadow it self. Behind it was a fearsome leader named...Turk. We heard his quick cackle as my back shivered. Then it started...

Turk quickly opened a volley of fire at us as we did the exact same thing. Minutes past and none of us seemed to have the upper hand. We had little ammo left and my hands began to sweat. My lips where getting numb as my hand was stuck on my gun. My legs shivering as Raam panted and huffed from exhaustion. He nodded at me that night. I thought it would have been the last time I looked at him. We quickly turned to face Turk. He shot his gun towards the two of us taking turns. It then happened; We ran out of ammo as we threw our guns at him as hard as we could. It took little affect as I started to run towards him. Fear captured my eyes, pain took over my heart, and a yell filled my ears.

"Jarnix! Get back here!" Raam was worried I would die. We had been close friends since we were in the academy. I was the only friend he had. The others where all dead thank to the creature I was facing.

Turk only grinned at me like the demon he is before taking a quick swing. Luckily, I dodged it. We both took another swing at each other. It seemed as in slow motion as I captured his stomach while he took my chin. I left him out of breath as I took a hard hit and fell over. Raam took that time wisely and jumped out of cover. He ran towards Turk as he gasped for air. Both of them where stuck in a battle as I quickly recovered and jumped back up. Turk took a quick swift at Raam's leg. He fell down as Turk took out a grenade. He was about to tag Raam with it but I threw a rock straight at his hand. The grenade was knocked to the side still ready to be turned. I ran towards the beast with all the anger in my eyes. I took him down with a swift tackling spear and pumbled his face filled with punches. He pushed me to a side as Raam took both of his fists and slammed them into Turk's back. He turned around and hissed as he took a punch at Raam.

Raam lowered down at the wrong time as the fist captured his eye. He fell over the knocked down pillar and fell on the floor holding his eye. I threw a rock at his head as he turned around to face me. He ran at me hoping I was empty handed. I wasn't. I had the grenade he had dropped. While he was running towards me, Raam quickly got up holding his eye with one of the dead lambent's hammer burst. He opened fire at Turk's back while running towards myself and Turk. As Turk still charged towards me weakened, he took a wildly fist at me like an enraged berserker. I thankfully took a side step and tagged Turk with the grenade. Before it exploded in my face Raam came at the right time and kicked the body of Turk off of the thin rail between the beginning of the dock where it's high from below, and the water. He fell over and was quickly grouped with the water. We saw an explosion happen right after he fell. Water splashed up and rained down after a few seconds. Raam and I took a moment to look at the water that Turk had just 'died' on. Imulsion filled it up quickly as we left a while after.

A few days past and there was no word of Turk or the lambent. People thought of us as heroes for a long time.
"So, if you killed him, how come he's still alive?" Reluk asked sarcastically looking at the colonel.

"Why don't you ask Zumn that?" Jarnix answered back with a sarcastically smile.

"Well if it's dead or alive, we need to kill it once more." Kendron answered back with a hard nod.

The blood seekers and Revix all nodded back as Revix walked his father back towards his room. On the way there they started to chatter.

"Pretty nice story father." Revix began trying to lift Jarnix.

"Thank you son. And also, thank you for staying with me." Jarnix sighed.

"Why? You mad at Herex and Cinchs?" Revix hopefully asked arriving at the room.

"No, I know they're in duty." Jarnix replied laying on the bed.

"Oh, well, just rest father. You're gonna need it." Revix sighed sitting on the chair.

Jarnix fell asleep easily, as another day passed.

Jay the Arbiter as Venju
SKORGE as Turk

Wisdom Thumbs
07-06-2009, 10:18 AM
Just one big problem: you kept using malapropisms. Lots of the wrong words in the wrong situations. Or was that intentional?

A couple smaller ones. "Zumn quickly sat up very slowly," for example. And the shootout with Turk went on for hours? Minutes would be better, unless RAAM, Turk and Jarnix were dragging ammo trucks behind them.

Still, I liked it for its story, and the pacing was alright. So I give it a thumbs up.

Cog Edward
07-06-2009, 12:22 PM
Part of it was fixed. The hour part.

Wisdom Thumbs
07-06-2009, 12:23 PM
Alright, it reads better now.

Loved it btw. :D

Cog Edward
07-06-2009, 12:27 PM
Thanks man. I hope everyone thinks like you.

Wisdom Thumbs
07-06-2009, 12:30 PM
I wish they would. :D

Jay the Arbiter
07-06-2009, 12:33 PM
The battle between Turk and Jarnix was well done! Excellent!

You still need to fix "He quickly arose up slowly" but that's about it.

07-06-2009, 01:54 PM
Very good and nice. Thanks.

07-06-2009, 02:15 PM
YES! Turk returns! And RAAM of all people kicks his a*s, now that's cool. :cool:

Like Wis said, a thumbs up from me. :D

07-06-2009, 04:11 PM
I liked it. Double Thumbs Up

Wisdom Thumbs
07-06-2009, 04:17 PM
Hey, that's my line! :eek:

JK lmao, :p I liked it too.

Cog Edward
07-07-2009, 09:22 AM
Thanks guys. I'll try to fix the, he quckly stood up slowly part but yeah.

Cog Edward
08-04-2009, 05:51 PM
Sorry for the wait. I hope this delivers.
Chapter 11: Something's Better Then Nothing

Days had pasted by as Jarnix was one hundred and ten percent ready for battle. Zumn was still in serious need of surgery but that was it. The Queen walked past the wooden doors of the hospital and through the halls. A young drone followed her, he had regular armor except his right arm had a long metal glove on it. It was used for strength or sometimes quickness. The strength everyone saw but what was amazing was that when the drones took the glove off, they had an amazing ability of speed on their arm due of the weigh of the metal. The Queen saw Jarnix re grouping with the rest, or what was left of the squad as the Queen interrupted their grouping.

"My Queen!" They all gasped as they bowed before the Queen let them rise.

"I heard of your loss Jarnix. Your squad is one warrior down, and I got the solution until Zumn is back in action." The Queen smirked as she side stepped showing the young drone.

The drone stepped forward making the locust greeting to Jarnix. The colonel looked at him with a questioning expression on his face.

"My Queen, no disrespect, but he is just a young drone. Are you sure he is ready?"

The Queen simply chortled and started walking around the rookie. " This is Kuntent. He is the best of his class. He has finished all of his tests number one. He is not only one of the bests, but he started all this in his guard days colonel!"

"How long has he been in guarding position if he is so good?" Jarnix huffed as he folded his arms as the others perked up their ears trying not to look at the three.

"Three...." The Queen answerd back as she only smiled at the confused Colonel.

"Three weeks, months, years?" Asked Jarnix.

"Three hours." The Queen smirked before she continued. " He is a good fighter. He has the record for less time in guard positions. I'm sure he'll make you proud."

The Queen brushed off and walked away towards the exit leaving Kuntent on Jarnix's hands.

"Sir..." Kendron quickly walked over to the colonel who faced his trusty right hand man awaiting more.

"We have a report for help. A four drone squad with the leader Tumbeir is awaiting us."

Jarnix only sighed and turned back towards the rookie. "Ready for your first duty private?"

"Not only am I ready, but I am anxious for my first duty." Kuntent left a confident grin as Jarnix turned back towards the rest of his squad.

"Alright let's go. There are five locust soldiers in need and we shall bring that need to them." The team all turned their attention towards Jarnix who quickly started walking off directly towards the exit and towards their HQ to ready and to choose their weapons.
Meanwhile at the main Lambent city, infected drones and former locust walked around living their lives. Turk brushed off any who touched or accidentally pushed him as he was summoned by the three lambent overseers. Turk walked towards the holy palace of the creatures as he never got over the view. Bright, polished, clean golden walls. The reflection of movement around the city always made him smile. He was quickly cut off as a lambent Theron sentinel led him inside and towards their leaders. The lambent leaders where known all around. They usually wore cloaks to cover their faces. And their clawed hands always perked out of the sleeves.

"Turk! So good for you to join us." Shouted a first one.

"We have a little mission for you." Answered the second.

"And we expect you to succeed." Snapped the third.

Turk smirked as one of the overseers gave him a scroll.

"The blood seekers are in an another mission to rescue some remained locust from yesterdays battle." Sighed one of the leaders as he walked up to Turk leaving the other two to walk to their throne room. "We need you to annihilate the blood seekers and the remaining survivors."

"What of Long Sword, can't he do it? I am still in search for my sons Skaarge and Jeriko!" Boomed Turk hoping he could understand. But it failed.

"Nonsense! Long Sword is still on his mission. You are the only one here who is cut out for it. Besides, Skaarge and or Jeriko might be in one of the drones. You never know." The overseer tried to convince Turk on his idea, but the lambent assassin only walked off mumbling to himself about the mission they have gave him.
The wind was cut and scattered off as the blood seeker's reaver flew the six of them over the hollow. Another two, regular reavers flew behind them for the survivors to use on the way back. Due to it's massive size, the blood seekers reaver was big enough to make it lift tons and tons of weigh. It had the word "BlOOd sEeKeRS on the side of the metal armor in color red. Of course, it wasn't written that way. It was written on locust language, but it was pronounced, Blood Seekers.

The reaver flew over the beautiful sea of the hollow as the humidity made them all feel fresh. They would all feel like jumping in the clean water. Even Rouhk, the massive boomer grinder would like to have a dip. The sense was quickly cut off as they started to smell smoke. It was the survivors making smoke to let them know their spot. Reluk, the one managing the reaver, commanded the reaver to lower down making the other two creatures behind follow.

They all landed after a few seconds letting the blood seekers off as the three reavers took a break and drank the water a few feet away.

Tumbeir, the big and strong locust warrior walked towards the colonel before they began to socialize for a while. Tumbeir had Theron Guard armor except it was mainly black, and the lines around it were white. He was a special kind of soldier called "Soul Guard". Tumbeir never wore the helmet which was a mix between the sentinel and guard helmet. The helmet looked like the sentinel, but had the six holes in front.

"Thanks colonel. We appreciate what you done for us." Tumbeir started trying to hold a bit of a laughter in.

"Yeah yeah. I can recognize a Soul Guard when I see one, Tumbeir." Chuckled Jarnix reuniting with one of his longest friends.

"You and boss recognize?" Boomed the gigantic Rouhk as Tumbeir turned his attention towards the grinder.

"Yeah. Since our academy age. Raam, Jarnix and I were good friends back then." Replied Tumbeir.

"And we still are. Glad you ain't dead. Now let's get out of...." Jarnix was quickly cut off by the sound of lambent yells. Jarnix sniffed the air and growled as the lambent began to rush towards the locust from the other end of the little spot they where. The reavers quickly snapped and they all flew inside a cave nearby. The eleven locust warriors had no chance but to fight back.

They all took cover at first trying not to die as Kuntent, the new rookie took out his long shot. He took a blind shot and blew two lambent's head clean off. The explosion of the lambent went in a chain reaction blowing up a few more besides them, or taking serious injuries, and then exploding.

"Bring it on you glowing scums!" Yelled Kuntent in an exciting way as the lambent leader, Turk rushed over a rock and jumped off to re join the still charging lambent. Tumbeir threw a frag as so did Jarnix taking down a few lambent sending imulsion and dead pieces of lambent all over the place. Each piece flew up like fire works and popped like them too.

"Wretches!" Yelled one of the drones as lambent wretches began to pop up and charge at the locust. By now the lambent were in cover due to losing soldiers, but they sent their wretches to cover their dirty work.

"Die you imulsion freak!" Yelled Reluk destroying any wretches in his way with his stolen gnasher shot gun. After each shot, he had to kick the bodies away, duck, or the blast of the gun power blasted them far enough.

"They keep coming!" Warned Venju also destroying any wretches around.

It was true, from more open spaces, came more wretches as they outnumbered the locust and lambent forces in that little 'island' combined. Jarnix looked at Rouhk, then at the wretches and he quickly had an idea.

"Rouhk, wanna have some fun?" Asked Jarnix trying to rush the answer out of the boomer.

"Yes! I enjoy making these worms crawl back in hole!" Replied Rouhk hiding behind a huge rock that had fallen off covering Rouhk completely.

"Then take out those wretches with your mulcher!" Ordered Jarnix looking at the wretches getting closer. The others gunned a few down but it wasn't enough.

Rouhk slapped his head as an expression of stupidity. "Why didn't Rouhk think of that? I mean I could...." Rouhk tried to continue but was stopped by Jarnix's yell.

"NOW!" Roared Jarnix and Rouhk stepped out of cover.

"GRIND!" Yelled Rouhk as he opened fire and began to take down loads of wretches. The explosions were sometimes chain re actionable but most of the times they just died. The plan was working as chunks of wretches were cut by the hot led of Rouhk's mulcher. The lambent sometimes felt as if they were gonna lose due to Rouhk, but a look at Turk, and they changed their minds. Soon enough the battlefield was covered by chunks of lambent wretches and hot bullets. Rouhk was quickly sent back to cover as the lambent opened fire on him trying to take him down, but Jarnix wasn't gonna let him die. He began to shoot back making them stop.

"OK I've had enough of this." Growled Tumbeir "Jeriko, I'll need you to sneak over and flank them from behind. Go around this island and you'll know the rest."

Jeriko nodded as Jarnix turned to Kuntent. "He can't go alone. Kuntent, time to show us what your made of. Go with Jeriko and come back in one piece." Kuntent smirked and showed a sign of excitement on his face as he followed Jeriko around.

"Now all we do is keep them busy."Hissed Jarnix as him, and the rest that were present began to open fire gunning down a few lambent and sending their explosive bodies to the ground letting their chunks fly up like bullets.

After a few minutes, Jarnix and everyone else began to see that more lambent were dying, but not from their gun fire.

"They made it!" Shouted a drone.

The lambent were forced to fall back and get out of cover. Jeriko gunned a few down while Kuntent got clear head shots with his hammer burst. The lambent's head exploded from head shots and also sent their bodies and their imulsion all over the place splattering on the near by rocks.

The rest back at the other end, began to open fire at the moving lambent, gunning down the majority. All that was left, was Turk.

Turk looked around trying to find a way out. But something else caught his eyes. It was his son, Jeriko. Just as all lambents, Turk was a locust before, and he remembered his middle son, Jeriko.

"S....son." Even though he was a lambent, his memory had not been filled with imulsion. Turk hissed as his own child began to open fire on him. Turk was snapped back into reality as he was forced back into cover. He saw that his reaver was not far back as he got an idea.

He gathered all the smoke grenades he could find on him, and the dead bodies around him. Once he had enough, he took them all and threw them back at where Jarnix and the rest where. The smoke screwed their visions giving Turk an advantage, but he had to do it quick. He remembered some hand to hand combat at his young age and began to run like a cheetah towards Kuntent. Turk knocked out Kuntent with a hit to a nerve quickly sending him down. Turk wanted to kill him, but he had no time. He then ran over to Jeriko who had no chance and put him to sleep with another nerve move. He picked up his child and carried him towards his reaver as fast as he could. By the time the smoke cleared, Turk was already in the skies with Jeriko. Jarnix ran towards Kuntent's body and tried to find Jeriko as he soon realized, he had been taken away.

"Well?" Asked Tumbeir walking towards Jarnix.

"Kuntent is just knocked out. But Jeriko is missing." Jarnix replied sighing.

"You don't mean...." Interrupted a drone pointing at the direction where Turk had just went.

"Yes.... I'm sorry, Skaarge." Gulped Tumbeir putting his hand on Skaarge's shoulder trying to calm him.

"I'll kill him. I'll kill him with what ever I got, and have left." Growled Skaarge who walked towards the now visible reavers. The others did the same as Jarnix carried Kuntent back on their reaver.

Jay the Arbiter as Venju
SKORGE as Turk

08-04-2009, 06:59 PM
Sweet work Edward. The fact that you intertwined this with Jay's fiction using elements and what not was awesome. And great work including Skaarge and Jeriko. Nice cameo I must say. And Turk? I am lost, I'm sorry but I created someone named Turk?

I can't remember.....

Great job none the less. Glad to see you writing once again!

08-04-2009, 07:44 PM
Two thumbs up,This was excellent. Keep it up

08-04-2009, 08:05 PM
Nice work Edward! I enjoyed that chapter a lot, it was worth the wait ;).

It's weird, everybody uses 'chortled' instead of 'chuckled' for their Locust fictions, lol.

Nice work again man, keep it up.

Cog Edward
08-04-2009, 11:20 PM
@ SKORGE: Yeah, you were gonna use Skaarge but since he's from GoW 2 it would have made no sense. So you made Turk, the father of Skaarge. And since jeriko was Skaarge's brother, I decided to make Turk both their fathers.

@ KILLER WARDOG: Thanks man. Hope nothing comes up and I will continue my chapters.

@ ChrisX: Yeah. I've seen it alot in Locust FF, so I decided to join.

Jay the Arbiter
08-05-2009, 07:16 AM
Coming along nicely. :)

08-05-2009, 09:57 AM
Nice chapter and good to see you back writing again. :D

You and Jay are the preeminent Locust fiction writers on the board, and writing Locust fiction is tough, hell, I know, I'm still working on mine. :p

The thing about Turk and Jeriko is interesting, it's like zombie movies, do turned Lambent remember their old lives? Their old companions and friends? How do they feel about them? How do the Locust feel when they see brethren they once knew, turned to Lambent?

Another thing I wondered, do Lambent turn Locust themselves when they capture them? Bizarrely, I imagine it to look something like the scene in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", where Mola Raam forces Indy to drink the blood of Khali, except it's a form of imulsion the Locust are forced to drink. Anyways, I'm sure you'll cover that at some point. Looking forward to the next part. :)

Cog Edward
08-05-2009, 04:27 PM
Nice chapter and good to see you back writing again. :D

You and Jay are the preeminent Locust fiction writers on the board, and writing Locust fiction is tough, hell, I know, I'm still working on mine. :p

The thing about Turk and Jeriko is interesting, it's like zombie movies, do turned Lambent remember their old lives? Their old companions and friends? How do they feel about them? How do the Locust feel when they see brethren they once knew, turned to Lambent?

Another thing I wondered, do Lambent turn Locust themselves when they capture them? Bizarrely, I imagine it to look something like the scene in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", where Mola Raam forces Indy to drink the blood of Khali, except it's a form of imulsion the Locust are forced to drink. Anyways, I'm sure you'll cover that at some point. Looking forward to the next part. :)
I usually imagine it as a, holy imulsion pool that they made so they would 'Dip' the locust in and make them lambent, or maybe what you said. They have to drink something.

08-05-2009, 10:13 PM
@ SKORGE: Yeah, you were gonna use Skaarge but since he's from GoW 2 it would have made no sense. So you made Turk, the father of Skaarge. And since jeriko was Skaarge's brother, I decided to make Turk both their fathers.

Oh my god you remembered all that!? :eek:

I had forgotten..... thanks for jolting my memory Edward.


Cog Edward
08-06-2009, 12:14 AM
I remembered because it's in my FF. :p.

08-06-2009, 12:08 PM
I remembered because it's in my FF. :p.


Yeah, so when will we be seeing a new chapter?

Cog Edward
08-06-2009, 07:53 PM
Well, today I got bible study (Thursdays), So hopefully tomorrow. If I'm in the mood.

08-06-2009, 08:57 PM
Well, today I got bible study (Thursdays), So hopefully tomorrow. If I'm in the mood.

Well alright, as long as your in the mood man! I want to see your best work, and that can't happen if your not in the mood. Trust me, we have all felt it. :D

smurf plastic
08-09-2009, 09:19 AM
Good job, I like 'kuntent', though is seems like his name is a Locust like spelling of 'content', so maybe his name reflects his personality? Content with what to be exact?!

Cog Edward
08-09-2009, 10:02 AM
Actually, despite how it looks, it's pronounced, "Con(As in content)-Trent(As in the name). Just to say. If people like him more as Content, I'll change him back and give thought to your saying smurf.

smurf plastic
08-09-2009, 12:08 PM
Oh, mk. I like him, the idea of the metal weights is pretty cool.

Cog Edward
08-09-2009, 02:35 PM
Thanks. I wanted to do that long time but I thought Kuntent would have a good use.

08-09-2009, 02:56 PM
Yes Kuntent is perfect for this fiction. You know why? Because he is the one and only Kuntent Saviour of the Horde!

Cog Edward
08-10-2009, 04:31 AM
Spoooooky. Anyways. New art is up thanks to TheRealBigBoss. It looks ultimatly kick ass. Out of ten, I give it a 1,000. I will add it on the top of the first post. Hope fully I will get more art soon.

08-11-2009, 10:42 PM
That is some awesome artwork Boss! Nice look to it too!

Jay the Arbiter
08-12-2009, 06:12 AM
I'm going to spell it and say it Crontent, just to keep my childish humour at bay. :o

08-12-2009, 12:01 PM
Never! I shall continue to say 'Kuntent'! So there! Kuntent Lives!

Jay the Arbiter
08-12-2009, 01:09 PM
So you'll keep swearing?

(Seriously though, i'm one of those unfortunate people that can't take a Police officer seriously if his squad car number is 69)

08-12-2009, 03:28 PM
So you'll keep swearing?

(Seriously though, i'm one of those unfortunate people that can't take a Police officer seriously if his squad car number is 69)

I'm not swearing....

And I lolled at the police car reaction. I mean what do you think, that the cop is immature, and just close the door on him? :D

Jay the Arbiter
08-12-2009, 05:05 PM
Just say it out aloud, the bit before "Ent" is considered a nasty swear word.

Which is why Edward confirmed it's Contrent, although i'm going with Crontent

08-12-2009, 05:46 PM
Just say it out aloud, the bit before "Ent" is considered a nasty swear word.

Which is why Edward confirmed it's Contrent, although i'm going with Crontent

Doh....... I see it.......

I had always thought 'Kuntent' was 'Coon tent', well at lest the way I prenounced it. Not the other word you sly fox you! ;)

Cog Edward
08-22-2009, 10:17 AM
Back, hope to make some chapters soon.....

Cog Edward
10-19-2009, 05:25 AM
For all readers hoping for more: Serious issues in ral life came up. I may not make a chapter in a very long time. but when I do or if I do, I'll make sure to send it to you.

Cog Edward
12-13-2009, 06:11 PM
Sorry. But like my message sais. Took a long time. This is just a short chapter to continue with everything else. Enjoy! There might be some typos since my computer has been acting slow.
Chapter 12: Reunited

As soon as the locust warriors made it back, one in particular, Skaarge, ran towards the queen's palace. His brother's capture must be heard and it must be dealt with. His mind was clouded in the evil thoughts of what would become of his brother. His mind was suddenly past that as two Theron Guards stopped Skaarge in his tracks.

"No one enters the palace without being summoned, or guided." Called one of the vicious Therons as a hand was placed on Skaarge's shoulder.

"He's with me, let us through at once." It was Jarnix. The feirsoum colonel's voice made the Guards shiver opening the door for the colonel. They both walked inside the clean golden room. The reflection, the paintings, and even the old shandalier always made the soldires strong. Skaarge was surprised as the sight. As many other drones, this was his first time inside the royal embrace. He saw Jarnix walking forward. The dark armor of the colonel moving made Skaarge realise that he had to be close to the colonel, or he'd be thrown out.

"Thanks colonel." Murmured the drone. "But why did you come for my aid? I am just one of millions of drones!" Questioned Skaarge who was forced to keep moving through the long golden halls following the leader of the blood seekers.

The fearsum colonel took a quick huff and was forced to remember an incedent that happened many years ago. He then saw that Skaarge was awaiting for an answer and Jarnix quickly gave it to him. "Many years ago, my brother was lost in battle, just like yours. No one was there to help, I was forced to go by myself secretly and try to save him. But by the time I got there, I was too late. He was chopped by a lambent butcher and served as dinner. I was a young drone back then and I was too much of a coward to get revenge. I then returned that night and swore that I would kill the capturer of my brother." Ended Jarnix with his right fist clutched.

"Do you know who was this mysterious mastermind might be?" Skaarge gulped trying to get more answers out of the colonel. He was curious enough to get enough replies out of Jarnix.

Jarnix clutched his fists more as his nails drove into his flesh, driving a few drops of blood off his hand. "Rontivan..." Chortled Jarnix trying to atleast make light into his dark abbyss.

"Rontivan? Isn't he one of the three lambent leaders?" Asked Skaarge who was quickly introduced to the doors of the royal chamber. The tall, clean, giant doors touched to ensure the queens saftey. Two simbols shined in both of the doors, carved by a royal blade made by the first royal blood back when the hollow was just a rock. Jarnix showed his face to the Guards that were ensuring the Queens survival as they pushed both doors out of the colonel's way.

"Yes," replied Jarnix. "Now close your snout and show respect to the queen." Huffed Jarnix who led the drone into the chamber. Skaarge was amazed from the sight that he thought he was on cloud nine. All of the sparkling silver and gold shined upon the young one. Guards everywhere making it seem that the throne room was the real city. Skaarge took a close look at everything. Including the fameous window behind the throne that represented the locust, the lambent, and the new discovery, the humans.

"Bow down!" Murmmured Jarnix at Skaarge who was slapped back into reality. He took a bow for the queen as the royal blood made a sign to let them rise as the two quickly stood up.

"Jarnix! Always a plesure to know you're alive. Now, what dose my best colonel need?" Asked the queen who was tapping her fingers into her throne making a beat for her entertainment.

"My queen, the lambent enforcer known as Turk has struck again. He has taken one of ours prisoner!" Spoke Jarnix as he saw that Skaarge was about to make a big mistake. Speeking out of turn.

"My queen, it is my brother, Jeriko, please help hi..." Desperatly spke Skaarge who was quickly cut off by the queen.

"Silence drone! You will speak when told to speak." Angerly snapped the queen at Skaarge as she clamed back down.

Skaarge then bowed his head in form of emberasment. "Yes your royal highness." Whispered Skaarge looking at the floor.

"Now," The queen turned to the colonel to continue discussing the matter. "Jarnix, why go through so much trouble just to rescue a special drone? He hasn't been noted yet, and he has no special talent." Questioned the queen hoping to get a good enough answer to send him to the lambent. Not only did she think that the mission was a bit waste of time, but if he sent the colonel to get a quick drone, he might be killed and she would lose the best colonel she ever had.

"Because my queen," reasoned Jarnix towards his royal leader. "While we are there, we can get info and at the same time, weaken the lambent from a special point." Pointed out Jarnix who let the queen think about this mission from a special point of view.

"You are right colonel, this mission will happen!" Demanded the queen. "But one question Jarnix," Continued the queen taking a quick pause. " Why do you say we?" Questioned the queen as she stopped her tapping. She had a confused expression on her face as she saw that Jarnix was about to answer.

"While there, why not have the best of the best there? That way we can assure victory!" Jarnix responded.

"And who do you have in mind colonel?"

"Raam, Tumbeir and I. And while there, the anger of this young drone might come in handy." Chortled Jarnix who made the queen have aquestionable answer. If they were to fail, the locust might be crippled, but if they were to succeed, the locust would have all their info and the lambent would be crippled. It was a one in a lifetime opportunity. It was a chance she had to take.

"Tumbeir, Raam, yourself and the drone shall have my privoledge to go." Decided the queen. "But do be careful colonel, we don't want a bigger chance of losing."

The colonel nodded and left the throne room with the drone. As the queen sent messengers to Raam and Tumbeir. The old team was about to reunite and nothing would stand in their way.
Jay the Arbiter as Venju
SKORGE as Turk

Jay the Arbiter
12-13-2009, 07:05 PM
Funnily enough, i had taken a gander at this before you sent your message to me asking me to gander at it. (Psychic!)

Anyway, please don't take this the wrong way, but i feel the need to be a bit honest. Your doing fine and it's good to see another FF writer make a return.

However, you misspelled "Fearsome" on two occasions.

The feirsoum colonel's voice


The fearsum colonel


and even the old shandalier
This one isn't too much of a problem, it's one of those words you can miss out on, but for the record, it's Chandelier.

what dose my best
I think you meant Does.

Also, i have a slight problem with this

Rontivan? Isn't he one of the three lambent leaders?"

If this is refering to the "Overseers" then here's what i've got against it.
The Overseers are my Fan creations, i would've preferred it if you had asked permission do anything with them. Also, the Overseers are supposed to remain a mystery. (If they AREN'T The Overseers, then disregard this quip)

That's all from me, i'm not hating on it, but i just wanted to point those out.

12-13-2009, 07:05 PM
Haha I forgot about Skaarge! That son'ma'gun! I forgot about Skaarge, Jeriko, and Turk? I had made up Turk? Hehe, I only remembered Skaarge....

Anyway, great chapter man. And glad to have you back on board the reincarnation of the Story and Characters section. Nothing that bothered me in this chapter. Just glad to see you writing again.

Oh and yeah Jay needs to ninja' again!?

Edward Cane!

Cog Edward
12-13-2009, 07:10 PM
Funnily enough, i had taken a gander at this before you sent your message to me asking me to gander at it. (Psychic!)

Anyway, please don't take this the wrong way, but i feel the need to be a bit honest. Your doing fine and it's good to see another FF writer make a return.

However, you misspelled "Fearsome" on two occasions.



This one isn't too much of a problem, it's one of those words you can miss out on, but for the record, it's Chandelier.

I think you meant Does.

Also, i have a slight problem with this

If this is refering to the "Overseers" then here's what i've got against it.
The Overseers are my Fan creations, i would've preferred it if you had asked permission do anything with them. Also, the Overseers are supposed to remain a mystery. (If they AREN'T The Overseers, then disregard this quip)

That's all from me, i'm not hating on it, but i just wanted to point those out.

Nah dude. They ain't the overseers. They're like generals but stronger. I took a look at your stuff and I knew I couldn't do it without your permission. So don't worry they arn't the overseers. And thanks SKORGE. I still wanna see the end of your ff.

Jay the Arbiter
12-13-2009, 07:12 PM
Alright then. It's all cool bro. :D

Cog Edward
12-13-2009, 07:15 PM
Good to know. I don't like having good friends angry at me. :)

Jay the Arbiter
12-13-2009, 07:17 PM
To be honest, i was concerned about saying that because i was worried i might have offended you, and trust me, that is the last thing i want.

Next time i have a quip with something, it's not out of anger, it's just something i need pointed out.

12-13-2009, 07:18 PM
Great chapter Edward.

It was cool to see the colonel share his past with Skaarge. I thought that was neat.

Spelling mistakes were the only things that were errors within the chapter.

12-13-2009, 07:20 PM
Which fiction are we talking about here Eddie? Tribes of Sera or the Unknowns?

Anyway, more to come soon?

Cog Edward
12-13-2009, 08:30 PM
Um... are you talking about the message I sent you? Anyways. More to come. And Skorge the chapter follows The Unknowns.

12-13-2009, 08:38 PM
Ahh I see. The Unknowns - the long forgotten fiction I had started.

Cog Edward
12-13-2009, 09:10 PM
Yeah, it's unknown to how it ends. Kidding.

12-13-2009, 10:46 PM
Yeah, it's unknown to how it ends. Kidding.

Nicely done.
Anyway, I caught some spelling errors, but other than that. Pretty freaking-fantastic.
I like where the story is heading to, good to see your back also.

12-14-2009, 12:19 AM
Yeah, it's unknown to how it ends. Kidding.

Oh snap! Edward you sly dog you! :eek:

Cog Edward
01-04-2010, 10:11 PM
I'm trying to make my details better, you decide if I have improved... And it's not much but it keeps the FF going.

Chapter 13: Riding to Town

Jarnix grabbed his frightful hammer burst with revenge. His bony jaw, chewing on some dreadful, soulless rockworm that he crumbled for lunch. While Skaarge and his old academy partners RAAM, and Tumbeir suited up for their mission, the rest of the nightmarish blood seekers would crawl up the emergence holes and up into the ground walkers turf. Both of these risk taking missions, could weaken both opposing race, with one blast. The humans were securing an old factory up in the city of Ilima, but it wasn't the building the locust wanted, it was the arms inside the metalic tower.

Five crates of pure destructive fire power that could take down citys of the lambent withing seconds, and those who would survive the blast, would be most securly wounded and taken care of, but as more and more lambent fall, doctors and lambent volunteers would have to help the falling soldires, and once they were all in one city, 'Boom' would be the last thing the lambent would hear.

"Boss, you be ok with big mission?" Struggled the gigantic locust grinder Rouhk, who scratched his head in questianable distress. Rouhk had never felt worried about Jarnix before, but since only four men where going in for a huge mission in the center of the lambent city, the big log of life worried for his boss.

"My oldest allies and a brother filled with livid stress, how much safer could it get?" Chortled the colonel as the rest of the blood seekers walked into his home. The iron walls and roof shined like a star over a dark, kryll free night. It reflected the torches inside the house. The red flames burned away as it made light. Decorations of tables, chairs, paintings and weapons shined across the checkpoint of Jarnix's life.

"Sorry to bring this up, but you did get an injury from a oo-mon!" Pointed out Reluk who gulpped in a late, nerveous tone.

"I told you, that human is a demon from above! I have trained to take him down, and take him down I will!" Growled the now furious Jarnix, grippling his fist trying to hold on the pain and anger that would knock his team mate in two.

"Colonel, whatever you do, give the lambent a huge pain of war!" Chuckled Venju who gave a sickening smile that made him look insane.

"And remember the data you need!" Injected Kendron into the conversation. It was true, without that data, the whole mission was just a wild goose chase for a simple drone.

"Are you sure you don't also need me?" Said Kuntent annoyingly trying to convince the colonel into coming, but that still didn't work.

"No, now stop bothering me with that rookie, the rest of your team needs you, and that's where you will go and fight! Now, if you don't mind, I need to get ready for my mission." Announced Jarnix. A dark tone in his voice, trying to stay calm and not think about all the down falls on this mission. The rest of the blood seekers nodded with sorrow and left the house shutting the door behind them.

"Dad," echoed the Theron Guard known as Revix. "Take this, incase of emergency." Murmmured Revix as he handed his father some sort of granade as he exited the scene and off to his business.

Jarnix took a look at the device as he saw it had tubes on each side of the granade. Parts of nemecyst stuck to the invention as it wore a dark, crimson coloring, the chains below it hung low as a handle was armed at the end of it as the colonel turned his attention to the top of the granade. A rusty, old hook was alined to the granade for attatching and planting. Revix called it a Duix granade. He had only made a few and no one knew what it did. The colonel placed it next to his other granades in the placing holes in his utility belt.

After all four members for this mission were armed and ready, they all headed to the reaver pens for renting two beasts to fly them there. The pens smelt like reaver ****, and even the reavers themselves were smelly. But they didn't care, they were soldires in the horde, they had to stand up to any occasion, especially a stinky one. The metalic bars that held the reavers in their cages, rust and cranked everytime the reaver's deadly claws scratched them. The beasts moaned and yelped for them to be free. Some of them were born, and died in their cages due to sickness, or poor food supplies. The four walked all of the stairs and into the pens as torches lid up their path. The ceiling had rocky texture and derbis crunching off it.

"Which reaver would you like to rent sir, and sir, and sir?" Questioned a beast rider who took job handeling the flying animals. Three big bads of the horde were rarely seen together, and since the mission was not spoken of, the rider was seen with a huge question mark on his brain.

"Two of the finest one's you have." Demmanded RAAM as the rider walked them along the broken tiled floor and to a door. Inside the door was seven bronse cages that held the best reavers around. The rider opened two cages and let the reavers out.

"Thanks, have a shilling or two, ok?" Joked Tumbeir as he, and his partners rode on the reavers. Tumbeir and Jarnix rode in one with Tumbeir handeling the weapons, and RAAM rode with Skaarge who also opperated the guns. Jarnix and RAAM hit their reavers with the back of their ankles as the reavers flew up a hole that was made to fly through, and off to the lambent city.

"The queen these days," Said the rider shaking his head. "Don't even tell us minors what's going on!"

The four flew over rivers and rocky cliffs with wind bursting in their faces, the reavers moving left to right, up and down felt like a thriller roller coaster, but they all kept their game face on. They were going on to enemy terretory, and that was not gonna be easy.

They all landed near the back entrance of the lambent strong hold ready to wage hell.

01-04-2010, 10:57 PM
doctors and lambent volunteers would have to help the falling soldires,

Struggled the gigantic locust grinder Rouhk, who scratched his head in questianable distress

Pointed out Reluk who gulpped in a late, nerveous tone

A rusty, old hook was alined to the granade for attatching and planting.

The metalic bars that held the reavers in their cages, rust and cranked everytime the reaver's deadly claws scratched them

Demmanded RAAM as the rider walked them along the broken tiled floor and to a door

They were going on to enemy terretory, and that was not gonna be easy

Just some spelling errors...I may have missed some but these where the one's that caught my eye.

I haven't read this in awhile so I can't really tell you if you've improved or not without going back and re-reading it...

01-05-2010, 01:51 AM
I didn't catch much other then what Jonesy has, but one thing that did seem obvious was the length. It seems a lot shorter then your other chapters.

I like it though, just beef it up some more, but yeah. Keep it coming. :)

01-05-2010, 06:39 AM
Spelling errors, thats pretty much it.
Shorter than usual but it does make up for it in beef and plot.
Very Nice.

Jay the Arbiter
01-05-2010, 07:08 AM
I think everyone else has pointed everything out. Although what does "Pain of War" Mean? Also, i think Stronghold is one word.

Anyway, i thought it was alright. Pretty cool.

01-07-2010, 01:37 AM
I think everyone else has pointed everything out. Although what does "Pain of War" Mean? Also, i think Stronghold is one word.

Anyway, s'aight, s'all cool.

Don't tell me you've turned into a E-thug, because I'll have to cut your Internet access for awhile....

01-07-2010, 07:30 AM
I think everyone else has pointed everything out. Although what does "Pain of War" Mean? Also, i think Stronghold is one word.

Anyway, s'aight, s'all cool.

And send you to rehab.
I will have none of the E-Thugyness. none.

Jay the Arbiter
01-07-2010, 10:04 AM
I can assure you i have no Malicious intent and i'm NOT trying to be an E-Thug. I just say "S'aight" when i mean "It's alright"

01-08-2010, 03:00 AM
I can assure you i have no Malicious intent and i'm NOT trying to be an E-Thug. I just say "S'aight" when i mean "It's alright"

Aight = Thug/ghetto-fabulous talk

When used on the Internet, it becomes E-thug talk.... Wash your moth out, only I can be the E-thug for I have seen them in action. :eek:

Jay the Arbiter
01-08-2010, 01:20 PM
I had no idea that was the kind of language E-Thugs use, if i knew, i wouldn't of said it.

That's kind of my problem, i need to be warned if i'm doing something wrong, otherwise, i oblivously keep doing it.

01-08-2010, 09:12 PM
Ok, I read through it. I didn't take the time to read the other feedback so please pardon me if something sounds repetitive...

Anyhoot, the overall idea is plausible, but I feel the flow of the story loses pace when you go back and forth between the Lambent and the Humans... is the story supposed to be centered around the Locust/Lambent conflict, or is it going to focus on the war with the humans?

Otherwise, it's a interesting POV. The running issue through the FF is the spelling...you may want to go back and fix those errors...or when you re-edit.

smurf plastic
01-17-2010, 01:28 PM
It was good. The only advice I have is concerning the use of comas; whenever a coma is in place it designates a pause. So read over your work and pause when you see a coma. If it sounds right, keep the coma. If not, take the coma out. An example is this-

Both of these risk taking missions, could weaken both opposing race, with one blast.

None of those comas need to be in there. (On a side note risk taking could be turned into risky).

Cog Edward
01-18-2010, 04:15 PM
Alright then, and Jonsey, the locust are fighting both humans and lambent, even though it seems it's puzzeling, if I go all lambent people will ask "Where are the humans?" If I go all humans people will ask "Where are the lambent?" See what I mean, it dosn't show both fights but it dose show information on the other side.

Cog Edward
01-18-2010, 04:30 PM
Plus, about the spelling errors, MY computer has a virus, so I have to use my sisters and this one don't have any fixing letters and words type of things. So even though I triple check it,(Yes I do triple check it) there are still gonna be typing errors. Just a heads up.

01-18-2010, 06:25 PM
Plus, about the spelling errors, MY computer has a virus, so I have to use my sisters and this one don't have any fixing letters and words type of things. So even though I triple check it,(Yes I do triple check it) there are still gonna be typing errors. Just a heads up.

No problem, we all have spelling mistakes. In the end we can just read around it or you an go back and fix it by editing the post.

01-29-2010, 08:25 PM
1337 work, edward.

Cog Edward
03-18-2010, 07:24 PM
Thanks. Another heads up, I won't be able to post for a while since the virus. When it's gone I'll continue.

03-18-2010, 11:17 PM
You have a virus in your computer too? Chris has one as well...... and I seem to have contracted one in real life.

03-18-2010, 11:22 PM
You have a virus in your computer too? Chris has one as well...... and I seem to have contracted one in real life.

Watch it, you could get someone elses computer sick!

03-18-2010, 11:23 PM
^I don't think computers can get human viruses..... :P

03-18-2010, 11:25 PM
^I don't think computers can get human viruses..... :P

We didn't think people could get pig viruses either!

I kid though. Nice fic thus far in my reading BTW Edwards

03-18-2010, 11:27 PM
Yeah, too bad eh? Same with bird viruses...

Anyway, Edward, get it fixed man, get it fixed. You always disappear and then come back, and I miss out, and then you leave again.

Cog Edward
04-21-2010, 11:29 PM
Lol I'm back, but I won't be able to paste til' I download some stuff to check my posting errors.

04-21-2010, 11:40 PM
^You mean the spell check?

Welcome back, I guess your one of those that is back due to the Gears three news eh?

Cog Edward
04-21-2010, 11:57 PM
Nah. Just came back like a week ago. If you didn't see the online marker, well, you missed it.

04-22-2010, 12:35 AM
Online marker? The red dot - a week ago no, today, yes.

Cog Edward
06-24-2010, 10:18 AM
Lol same old SKORGE. Can't wait to come back and finish this. (Presure is on my head! Finally was stolen. :( )

06-24-2010, 08:25 PM
Great story. I hope to read more.

06-24-2010, 08:50 PM
Lol same old SKORGE. Can't wait to come back and finish this. (Presure is on my head! Finally was stolen. :( )

Who stole it? Jonesy, Boss, Chris? :p

06-24-2010, 08:52 PM
Stole what? Huh?

Confuzzled, 'brah'.

06-24-2010, 08:55 PM
Stole what? Huh?

Confuzzled, 'brah'.

.... that's right, play innocent!

06-24-2010, 08:57 PM
I had a virus, yes, two.

Hacktool trojans randomly attack me, only two have broken through my Norton Antivirus.

Cog Edward
06-25-2010, 10:18 AM
When I mean steal I don't mean as in robbed. Someone deleted the file AHEM (Sister) and now I'm pissed. :smashes computer: I guess I have another virus now.... Not really, I'll get started right away!

Cog Edward
06-25-2010, 12:36 PM
Chapter 14: The Mist
Sorry if there are errors. But I think this made a huge come back for Rising Up!

Jarnix, RAAM, Tumbeir and Skaarge all hopped off the beasts as RAAM gave signals to tie them up incase they would fly away afraid of something. Reavers were frightened really easily. From an explosion miles away to a simple sound in the water, they would crumble themselves together and fly away into the unforgiven wastelands known as the hollow.

"All done RAAM." murmured Skaarge who walked up to the general holding up his gun for combat.

"Good, now everybody get in position." Answered RAAM in a nerveous tone.
They all got in their most suitable combat pose as they sneaked around the destroyed walls of the lambent turf. They called that an entrance as they saw two guards walking around and looking for troubles like voltures in the night.

"Tumbeir," Whispered the dark and tall colonel. "You take down the one in the left, I'll take the one on the right." Commanded Jarnix as he kneeled down and ran from wall to wall with Tumbeir to make their approach as sneaky as possible.

Jarnix held his fingers up as to make a countdown. One... two... three Jarnix signaled. The two ran ahead as if running from an explosion as Tumbeir came up behind the left guard. He put his hand on the infected locust's mouth as he held it steady. He put his other hand on the lambent's neck and twisted. 'Crack' went the neck of the yellow beast. The body fell with a thud as Tumbeir heard another. Jarnix had dropped his opponent too with the same tactic.

The colonel held his hand up as RAAM and the drone came out of their hiding spot. Walking up to the two leaders, Skaarge held his arm up pointing to a lambent beast barge.

"There!" He shouted with a worried tone. The others looked as a few noises were heard from up in the cages. "Jeriko must be there! It's the only one that's up in the entire day!"

"Come on, we must get up there some how." Pointed out Tumbeir as he started jogging up a hill that would lead them to another beast barge which would let them achive access or atleast that's what they called it, to the other beast barge.

"Wait!" Called out RAAM who was looking directly at a metalic building with one story and lights coming from it. But it had a robotic sound coming from it. Like a technology sound.

"That's it! That must be where the information is at!" Injected Jarnix to the conversation.

"Tumbeir, you and Skaarge will go in there. Do whatever is possible to find the most info as possible. Jarnix and I will locate Jeriko and get him back. But please, try to do it with the most percaution as possible." Demanded the all mighty general RAAM.

"Will do sir." Answered Tumbeir as he lead Skaarge into the building. Skaarge, looked back though at Jarnix and RAAM with a look of hope. He had hope that the two of them would find his brother, and then they could continue living their lives.

Jarnix and RAAM both nodded once and turned around, jogging to what would be a suicide mission for them. They jogged, walked, crawled and even layed in the grounds of the lambent to try and find a beast barge. dodging the presence of a lambent they both acted like ninjas in the mist. Finally, after a few miles of travel, they found a parked beast barge, but it was infected with lambent. The two sighed as Jarnix looked down. He saw a rock, a big enough rock with enough speed to kill a living being. Jarnix laughed silently as he picked up the stone with ease. He turned to the beast and threw it with all his might. The lambent turned too late as the rock was dug into his skull. Falling into his death, he tumbled around and tripped as he launched himself into the pool of imulsion burning whatever was put into it.

The colonel turned to RAAM who chuckled a bit as they both ran silently into the barge. What they didn't notice was that below the barge was more story's than a regular beast barge due to the infection of imulsion. The two reached the pilots deck as RAAM pushed the lousy lambent into the pool of imulsion. Jarnix took care of the other two lambent easily with his hand to hand combat knowledge.

Jarnix and RAAM both walked to the small elevator which was still active. It took them down as they both couldn't belive what they were seeing. Thousands of cages were heald up some empty and some occupied with locusts.

"By the queen..." Murmmured RAAM in disbelief.

"Come on, let's free the locusts to see if they can help.


"Skaarge have you found anything yet?" Questiond the confused Tumbeir.

"Not yet, wait, what's that noise?" Asked the drone. They both turned at the noise as it was coming from the door.

"Hide!" Whispered Tumbeir as he grabbed Skaarge and ran to cover behind some turned tables.

Two lambent cyclopses walked in with files and a chip in their hands.

"Ahhh a good day hasn't it been Menstun?" Asked one of the lambents as he stuck the computer chip into the machine making it click and screech.

"It sure has been Yerik." Answered Menstun slapping the files into a desk.

As the two cyclopses talked and yapped a conversation, Tumbeir was discussing a plan with Skaarge as he turned his head every five seconds to check if they were coming their way. They both agreed on the plan as Skaarge grabbed something from the floor and threw it nearby making rattling sounds.

"What was that?" Questiond Yerik as he turned imidiatly at the sound.

"Don't know. Let's check it out." Said Menstun as they walked over to it. Meanwhile they failed to notice Tumbeir sneaking around past them.

"Ehh. Might have been just a criter." Chuckled Yerik with Menstun.

"Not really!" Growled Tumbeir who was now behind them. He stuck his blade into Yerik's skull killing him instantly and punched Menstun in the face as hard as he could. The blast was too strong as it messed his skull up and fell to the ground with imulsuin falling from his helmet.

Skaarge jumped out from cover as he sprinted towards the files. "Info!" He yelled happily. Tumbeir walked over towards him and turned to the computer which had writing all over it now.

"Attack in the city... armor repaired... weapon changes. This is also info!" Shouted Tumbeir as he wrote everything down in the computer onto a piece of human skin they used as paper.


"Done..." Said Jarnix to RAAM who was also finishing his part in opening all the cages.

"How many did you find?" Questioned RAAM as he counted all of his locust bretherin who where enslaved.

"I got 23, you?"

"Only 31."

"Dammit!" Yelled Jarnix as he kicked a door clean shut with a metal blast following it.

"We were too late anyways to save them all." Pointed out RAAM trying to cool down the colonel.

At that time their intercome came on as RAAM picked his up imidiatly. "What is it?"

"We found infro general!" Messaged the drone over the radio.

"Good. Now go towards the reavers and meet us up there." Commanded RAAM as he shut off his intercome and went up the elevator.

"Where are you going?" Jarnix questioned.

"I'm going to drive this thing into the other barge." Pointed out RAAM. "You stay here and tell them what we're doing." Added the frightful general.

On top he walked towards the driver's wheel and started to move the gigantic lambent beast. It looked as if the barge did not want to move knowing that the locust where on it but it had no choice.

At the bottom Jarnix was explaining their mission. Most of them agreed and were pleased to follow locust orders again. But two of them were afraid to die.

"You were made to fight soldires!" Shouted some drones trying to convince them. But nothing.

"How about this." Said Jarnix "If you don't agree, you jump from the barge. And if you don't, RAAM and I will gladly push you off." tried to convince the two drones as they both quickly nodded as to say they will fight. "Good then. We will wait until we get to the other barge."

Atleast 20 good minutes passed as RAAM still flew the barge and Jarnix controled the drones. Atlast, they reached the other barge as RAAM tapped his foot hard on the floor signaling that they were ready. They all went up as the locust would draw their weapons. The lambent on the other side didn't know that locust had been in their turf and thought it was a normal routine. Until the locust's barge crashed into their barge. The locust jumped aboard and started shooting their weapons that Jarnix and RAAM had suplied them with during their journy.

"Attack!" Yelled the locust as the lambent fell to their power. All lambent layed dead on the floor with pools of imuslion laying there alongside it. Some bodies sizzled due to the imulsion trying to get out. Some body pieces where layed all over the place with bone fragments and organs. The locust stood tall with no creature dead due to the element of surprise as they roared and laughed to their victory.

"All of you, stay here and defend this barge no matter what!" Ordored Jarnix as he and RAAM went down and opened all the doors. A few regular locusts came out as the went all the way underneath. A golden door was still locked. RAAM destroyed the lock as the general and the colonel both pushed the door open.

Jeriko was summoned as he walked out shaking his head. Everything was blurry as he was startled when he saw RAAM and Jarnix side to side helping him towards the top. Was he dreaming? He asked himself. Could both Jarnix and RAAM be there just to rescue him? But he wasn't dreaming. It was all reality.

"Welcome back to the war private." Announced Jarnix to Jeriko who was finally woken up. All three walked towards the top as a drone meeted with Jarnix.

"Another beast barge is closing in from our far south sir." Stated the drone as RAAM ran towards the wheel and chuckled. "Then away we go."

All of the members aboard held still as this beast barge was lighter due to less cages. They flew back as they would have to shoot incoming lambent reavers and lambents to save their asses. explosions where in the air giving away their positions due the lambents ability to blow up after death.

"Sir?" Asked a young drone towards Jarnix. The colonel looked at him waiting a response. "Are we gonna make it?" Continued the drone. All Jarnix did was chuckle.

"Of course we---" Jarnix was going to continue before blood was splatered all over his armor. He looked at the drone as his head was popped off with blood gushing out like fire works.

"Snipers!" Yelled Jarnix as all of the locusts took double cover as RAAM tried to take doublr cover over some walls covering the front of the barge.

The locust randomly shot around trying to get the snipers but nothing. Jarnix then looked at his utility belt and saw the grenade that Revix gave him. He grinned as he threw it up as far as he could. One... Two... Three... 'BOOM!' Answered the grenade to the snipers as a huge sonic blast came out of the grenade. Rocks tumbled off the walls and snipers began raining down towards the imulsion pool. Jarnix then laughed as he saw an imitation of an earthquake happening. "Thank you son!" Shouted the colonel as the earthquake kept going. It was as if the city was falling down. or atleast the part that they where in.

Finaly, they arived at the closest docking place to the reavers.

"Move move move!" Yelled Jarnix with as all of the locust came pouring out of the barge.

All of them running at once like a wild stampied. The lambent hot in their tail shooting random bullets trying to hit their targets. Jarnix and RAAM at the front of the horde as they saw the blast in the wall that they came from. All of them jumped out as Tumbeir and Skaarge looked confused. They looked back and opened their eyes with fright as all four of them got on their reavers and Jeriko jumped on Tumbeir's and Jarnix's reaver. The other drones looked at Jarnix and the others.

"You saved our lifes, now it's time to return the favor." One of them yelled as they all shouted in agreement running back and fighting the incoming lambent horde.

"You will be honored with your bravory." Tumbeir whispered as he and RAAM cut the straps off with their swords and the reavers were off. Flying into the distance with the sound of war disapearing. Then the colapsing part of the city finally took it's toll. Giant stones fell on the small part of the city like rain as it silenced the war crys. They all looked back and bowed their heads as the blast seemed to take place outside too as a rock landed on one of the legs of the Jarnix's reaver as Jeriko flew right off.

Jarnix looked at the falling drone and quickly stretched his hand.

"Gotcha!" Said Jarnix happily as he grabbed Jeriko by the wrist and pulled him up.

"Th-thanks." Said the shaking drone as Jarnix nodded and they flew back into the hollow completing their mission successfully.

Jay the Arbiter
06-25-2010, 01:03 PM
This might sound a little bit harsh (I have no intention to) but here's a few things you may need to note: (A la Skorge style of correction)

Reavers where frightened really easily

Should be were (Of course, SK Reaver is much braver!)

"Come on, we gotta get up there some how."

This is just me, but I think this should be "Come on, we must get up there some how"

The lambent turned to late as

too late

the barge was mor story's

I think you meant More

the two reached the pilotes dec


"How much do you got?" Questioned RAAM

I think "How many do you have?" or "How many have you found?" might be more appropriate.

"Of course we---" Jarnix was ganna

I think you meant Going to.

Also, this is just my opinion, but I'm not a great fan of the whole "Lambent - Insert Locust here" ordeal, but again, that's just me.

Lastly, the dialogue between the two Lambent soldiers didn't really feel necessary. As far as we are concerned, they were just red-shirts, they didn't really need naming or a moment to banter.

That's just my thoughts, though don't let me stop you from continuing!

Cog Edward
06-25-2010, 01:18 PM
Ok thanks for the point out. But you forgot to mention if you liked it or not. :o

EDIT: All fixed.

06-25-2010, 01:30 PM
I loved it tbh, it was very engaging and I really like the main character (Jarnix) good job! :D
I wrote a poem you can check it out and tell me what you think. :o
(link in sig)

Cog Edward
06-25-2010, 01:33 PM
Alright I'll check it out.

06-25-2010, 01:57 PM
Here's my review, I really enjoyed the chapter. It had nice action, which really intrigued me and kept me reading.

This may sound like a sh*t load of nit picking, but here's all of the errors I picked up. This is to improve your writing, not to offend you.

Oh, and most were just common errors, we all have them! :p


walking around and looking for troubles like voltures in the night.

I think you mean vultures.

achive access or atleast that's what they called it, to the other beast barge.

Achieve and just put a little space between at and least.

metalic building with one story and lights coming from it.

Metallic, missing an L.

as they both couldn'tbelive what they were seeing. Thousands of cages were heald up some empty and some occupied with locusts.

Believe and held, add a letter and get rid of one.

"Come on, let's free the locusts to see if they can help."

I feel like it should be 'free our comrades' or something of that nature, because for example: if I was in such a situation, I wouldn't say "Let's free the humans."

Questiondthe confused Tumbeir.

Add an e between the n and d.

"Ehh. Might have been just a criter.

Two t's, not one.

with imulsuin falling from his helmet.

Imulsion, a simple miss-type.


At that time their intercomecame on as RAAM picked his up imidiatly.

Drop the e on intercom and it's immediately.

"You were made to fight soldires!"

Soldiers, switch your R and E.

Atleast 20 good minutes passed as RAAM still flew the barge and Jarnix controled the drones.

Add a space between at and least, and add another L onto controlled.

Jarnix and RAAM had suplied them with during their journy.

Add another P and an E after N.

Ordored Jarnix as he and

Ordered, common mistake.

Finaly, they arived at the closest docking place to the reavers.

Arrived, add a second R.

"You saved our lifes, now it's time to return the favor."

Lives, also a common mistake.

"You will be honored with your bravory." Tumbeir whispered as he and RAAM cut the straps off with their swords and the reavers were off. Flying into the distance with the sound of war disapearing. Then the colapsing part of the city finally took it's toll. Giant stones fell on the small part of the city like rain as it silenced the war crys.

Bravery, disappearing, collapsing, and cries. Common mistakes as well.

As Jay said, the speech was a little, err, 'un-locusty' I guess. It sounded mostly like they were Gears rather than Locust. Locust use 'have' instead of 'got'. Get my drift?

06-25-2010, 02:11 PM
Yeah, I thought it was good. :)

Couple of errors like Jay and Chris pointed out, but everyone gets those. A Lambent beast barge ehh? I wonder what that would look like? :eek:

Lol, Ninja RAAM, reminds me of hiding in the shadows as RAAM on Bullet Marsh sniping the COG team! :p

Just one thing, the Lambent didn't present much of a threat. I mean, RAAM and the others were basically just pushing them off the barge into the imulsion. True, the Lambent bagged a drone here and there, but I never felt like RAAM and the others were in any real danger. But that's a minor quibble I guess. :o

So is this complete now? Are congrats in order? :)

Cog Edward
06-25-2010, 02:20 PM
The the ff, I am gonna continue but first i gotta download that Iespell thing. Then my Ff will have less errors. Maybe even none.

06-25-2010, 03:06 PM
I liked it but I saw a lot of stuff that needs improving. Not counting grammatical or spelling there were a few things that can greatly help you present an awesome story.

First off try to split the dialogue out. When someone new is talking always start a new paragraph. You don't need to clump things together. Spreading it out will make it a lot easier to read.

Also you should probably try to write more descriptively. Perhaps this is your style but a lot of the action parts seemed to quick and not engaging. Also as Boss said the lambent appeared to offer no threat. While you can do that I encourage you to describe battles and particularly deaths better to increase the sense of difficulty. If you read all my stories, people do not die unceremoniously. Even if they die normal deaths you need to make it a big deal, someone died and it seems like it is of no consequence. So I would think of expanding the details on battles.

Here's an example. At one point a guy gets his head shot off in your story. You simply state it plainly. Instead say something like this.

As the colonel began talking he suddenly in a flash felt a spray of mist hit his face followed closely by tissue and brain matter as the young locusts head got blown up by a sniper.

That sounds way better than simply getting his head sniped. Describe small details that give a very clear sense of what is going on. You don't need a lot but the more you do the better. If you need example you can look at my fanfic called Hoffman's Hell. That should help you out a lot in future writing projects. Trust me, detail will go along way in making your stories amazing.

06-25-2010, 03:32 PM
Damn, Jay, Boss, Chris, John - they jumped the gun so quick, I have nothing to add but repeats of what they said. So I guess correction wise it's been taken care of eh? The story is great though, if a little fuzzy from where we last left off. So yeah, fix those corrections up and get to it brah.

06-25-2010, 03:39 PM
SKORGE, were you grammarninja'd?? :O

06-25-2010, 03:42 PM
SKORGE, were you grammarninja'd?? :O

You can say that, yes, yes I was!