The Slumber (RAAM fan fic, wasn't sure what to call it)

[N1ssassa]

The war was going poorly for General RAAM. For what seemed like a lifetime, the Hollow had been besieged from beneath by these grotesque glowing abominations from beneath, spawned from the core of Sera by the Immulsion below. Whatever foul essence had brought about the creation of these monstrosities was now beginning to take over and infect his own troops. What soldiers were not killed by the Lambent menace in his skirmishes against them were absorbed into their ranks by means of this infectious disease. His queen was outraged.

"How can these monsters be defeating you? They are weak! They are inferior! We are the supreme rulers of the Hollow!"

RAAM had nothing to say that would quell her rage, so he maintained his trademark silence and listened to her rant.

"This is intolerable! I cannot, I WILL NOT, have us driven from our home like some vermin found nesting in the corner! We must destroy these invaders before they spell doom for us all!"

Still he held his tongue.

"That damned Fenix still hasn't come up with a cure, a means of stopping this vile infestation. We might soon have no choice but to invade the surface of Sera. We will crush the humans for their failure to aid us in our time of need. Then we will turn, fortify, and face the Lambent onslaught with renewed vigor. Yes... yes, we will take the surface and flood the Lambent out once the Hollow has been evacuated."

This was the moment he had been waiting for. His queen had shifted her focus from the failing war effort against the lambent, to the opportunity of crushing a much weaker, more easily dominated enemy. This was his time to prove that he was truly deserving of his position as Supreme General of the Locust Horde. He approached her throne, in his hand the battle plans he had drawn up the previous night, hoping that Myrrah would present him an opportunity to bring up this topic. He unrolled the parchment, holding it before her so that she could see the glorious plan he had formulated to take Sera's surface.
"Yes, this is perfect! WONDROUS! We will come from beneath them, simultaneously take all their major cities and deliver a crushing finishing blow at the very beginning of the fight! They will never recover!"

He basked in her praise as a lizard would in the warm rays of sun that would soon be shining down on his rough, gray hide. His dark obsidian eyes practically gleamed with anticipation at the chance for glory, for battle, for blood. This new struggle would be swift and decisive; his plan was undeniably flawless.

"You will, of course, lead the soldiers into battle against the weak groundwalkers, won't you?"

An affirmative sound arose from his throat, part hiss, part growl, but unmistakably pleased. He placed a hand on the hilt of his enormous knife, stroking the pommel of the grip, reminiscing of all the enemy bodies it had impaled and mutilated. He would never miss an opportunity such as this, his knife thirsted for human blood, for battle, for death. Through all his battles, he could never quench his thirst for blood. He was a fearsome and respected warrior. Gifted with unnatural large size and incredible strength, even the Kryll, who happily feasted upon many of his lesser troops, obeyed his every command.

"Prepare our forces, my General. Rest well and ready your armaments, for tomorrow, we shall take the surface in a wave of blood and glory. Locust forever."

He kneeled down on one knee, hand over his heart, and bowed in reverence to his queen. Rest he would. Tonight would be his soundest sleep in weeks. His day of triumph would be ready and waiting when he arose.

[Croswynd]

Not bad for someone untested in the rigors of the S&C forums. In fact, you show more promise than half the people who've shown up in the past year, so good work. Strong dialogue and equally effective prose around it make it pleasant reading. You repeated 'beneath' twice in the second sentence and you're missing a comma in between 'dark' and 'obsidian' in regards to his eyes, but I otherwise found no mistakes (aside from the formatting error, but I'm sure you see that).

I hope there's more coming?

[N1ssassa]

I'm kinda just testing the waters for now, but probably so. I have long hours at work with nothing to do and I love writing and Gears, so we shall see. I noticed when I was reading through it that I used "for __, for __, for __" twice. Does that work, or is it too repetitious?

[DragonzZilla]

Not bad for someone untested in the rigors of the S&C forums. In fact, you show more promise than half the people who've shown up in the past year, so good work. Strong dialogue and equally effective prose around it make it pleasant reading. You repeated 'beneath' twice in the second sentence and you're missing a comma in between 'dark' and 'obsidian' in regards to his eyes, but I otherwise found no mistakes (aside from the formatting error, but I'm sure you see that).

I hope there's more coming?

I resent that...

[Croswynd]

I'm kinda just testing the waters for now, but probably so. I have long hours at work with nothing to do and I love writing and Gears, so we shall see. I noticed when I was reading through it that I used "for __, for __, for __" twice. Does that work, or is it too repetitious?

Nope, that works perfectly. It's alliteration, I believe, but I'm tired so I may be getting the name of the literary device wrong. Regardless, it's good for tension building and reinforcing points, so you're okay. As for you testing the waters, feel free to. There's also a Monthly Assignment in my signature you could take part in. Chance to win a signed Gears of War novel just for writing a short story. You can find more information about it in the actual thread.

I resent that...

He's better than you, I'll make no bones about that. But that doesn't mean you can't get better or even that you're terrible. Still, let's not discuss this anymore here in the guy's thread. 'Tis rude, my friend.

[N1ssassa]

Awesome, thanks man. I'll check the assignment out and see if I'm up to the task.

[Jay the Arbiter]

Looks pretty good!

I hope you can make a RAAM a badass once again!

[HyperOnyx]

Nice read.

[N1ssassa]

Jay, go check out my new one. More intense RAAM slaughter

[DragonzZilla]

Jay, go check out my new one. More intense RAAM slaughter

No matter what you do or where you go, RAAM will always be in the spotlight of the show!

[N1ssassa]

I love RAAM. He's my favorite character in the whole series. He's the epitome of a total badass. Chainsaw proof armor, commands kryll, wields a troika like a boltok and doesn't afraid of anything. And he's such a tough physically dominating and strong character that he can do just about anything. I really wish they would release a RAAM 12 inch figurine or large resin statue, I'd snap it up in a heartbeat.

[DragonzZilla]

I love RAAM. He's my favorite character in the whole series. He's the epitome of a total badass. Chainsaw proof armor, commands kryll, wields a troika like a boltok and doesn't afraid of anything. And he's such a tough physically dominating and strong character that he can do just about anything. I really wish they would release a RAAM 12 inch figurine or large resin statue, I'd snap it up in a heartbeat.

You're a hardcore fan, I take it?

[Jay the Arbiter]

Jay, go check out my new one. More intense RAAM slaughter

Alright!

It's just me that thinks this, but RAAM seems to have been downsized as of lately. :/ - I'd kill for a Comic that's just ten pages of RAAM butchering everyone.

[N1ssassa]

Indeed I am sir. I love any video game with a strong story to tell that's done in an artistic fashion. I really don't like Halo multiplayer, but it used to be my favorite campaign of any video game by far, that is, until I discovered Gears. Gears 3 was slightly lacking when it comes to intensity, but Gears 2 had one of the most moving moments of any video game I've ever played, when Dom found Maria. I love that. I'm really just a sucker for a good story in general.