Tale of Ilima (Fan Fiction) - Read, Critique, Comment!

[KILL3R II UK]

Chapter 2 is up, hope you guys like it, I'm not too confident on my action sequences :P

CHAPTERS
I
II

[SKORGE]

I saw this on the Gears three section. I've taken the liberty to copy and paste it here. You might want to copy and paste your chapters in this thread and quote-tag them. Its much easier on people, because a lot of people dislike having to go to another website to read.

This short story is set in the city of Ilima and its surrounding areas. It is set sometime before the events of Gears of War 2 where the city is sank, but it is still occupied by Locust forces and is a hotspot of much warfare and bloodshed. The date is approximately 10AE (after emergence day).

Chapter One – On Patrol

The once picturesque skyline of the city of Ilima had been transformed into a clutter of twisted skyscraper skeletons, a graveyard of buckled monuments and fallen highways. Despite this it was still one of the most intact human settlements on Sera, and the humans fought as fiercely as any Locust to hold on to it. But the city had changed, fields of broken glass and rubble covered the boulevards and parks of the fallen city, the unusual geography was as alien to the humans as it was to their enemies.

Many of the Gears teams deployed to repel the Locust were as much explorers as they were guardians. Even to those who grew up in the city it was now unrecognisable. The city was being remapped constantly, fallen skyscrapers and twisted metal supports were the roads and corridors of the new Ilima.

It was mid summer, the sky was a glorious blue and the suns heat and light flooded the city. But clad in the heavy, full body armour and helmet of the CoG army, Lance Corporal Richard Dunn couldn't enjoy the warm weather. The heat was entirely absorbed by the dark grey armour, and the heavy helmet ensured none of the heat escaped, along with the sweat, which pooled uncomfortably in the uniform worn underneath. Only his forearms were bare, which were burnt red raw from the strong sun. Sun cream wasn't the priority for the limited production lines hastily rebuilt since Emergence day. A few feet behind Dunn there came an angry shout from another Gear, the least experienced of the group, Private Danny Moore.

"Screw this ****, I'm taking this off!" The Gears stopped and turned to look at the grunt, who had dropped his Lancer and was fruitlessly fumbling with his helmet.

"Cut that out, we're under orders to stay fully armoured at all times when in the city!" Sergeant Vose shouted. He was the commander of the small squad, and had more years in combat than the other 3 combined. A decorated war hero from the Pendulum wars, Vose had been fighting a constant war his entire life. Born into a socialist family of long serving loyalty to the CoG, he enlisted at the age of 16 and fought in multiple tours until the end of the Pendulum wars. A few weeks later his short lived peace was shattered on Emergence day, and along with the whole world he was threw into another fight, but not a fight for resources or politics, for Survival. It was rumoured he had killed thousands of Locusts with the same Retro lancer he had been issued almost a generation ago, and had participated in many major raids leading to the CoG capture of Hammer of Dawn technology that won the Pendulum wars. Now here he was arguing with some kid to keep his helmet on.

"With all due respect Sergeant, this heats gonna' kill me before the Locust." Moore griped as he continued tugging on the top of his helmet. Vose placed his archaic rifle down carefully on the floor and stepped slowly towards the grunt.

"Listen carefully now, I'm ordering you to leave that helmet on." Vose growled, his voice was now dangerously quiet. Dunn began pacing nervously, he'd seen someone disobey the Sergeant before. It didn't end well. Moore muttered words a few words of complaint, but his hands left his helmet, and he picked up his rifle and continued on dejectedly.
Vose returned to his rifle and picked it up, dusting it off almost lovingly before continuing on with the rest of the squad.

The Gears walked on for hours, Moore had stopped complaining about his helmet, and in fact had stopped communicating completely, simply walking forward, his head down. As they passed over many smashed roads full of cars leaking imulsion and other unhealthy looking chemicals, destroyed pipelines carrying fuel, sewage and various leftovers from viscous firefights, it became clear to Dunn why they had to wear masks. Disease was rife in the jungle of broken and abandoned leftovers of war, human technology and industry. Dunn could swear he saw Moore even pull the helmet tighter onto his head as they passed over a shallow radioactive lake of a leaking imulsion factory.

The sun had began to reach unbearable levels when Vose finally spoke again,
"Ok it must be the 13th hour, so you've all got 20 minutes to rest and take a drink. We'll use that old garage over there," he pointed a gloved hand towards a dilapidated but still standing vehicle service station across the road from the gears. They advanced into the building, weapons raised and in silence, carrying out a well rehearsed search of the building. Stranded still lived in the city in their hundreds, if not thousands. They had a hatred for the CoG soldiers, and some fired on their fellow humans as readily as they would the Locust. Settlements like that though would usually be destroyed by a king raven assault if any Gears were harmed, so most of the Stranded settlements treated Gears with indifference, or avoided them completely. Nowhere was safe for sure.

The building was pronounced clear by Vose, and the Gears relaxed, took off their helmets and slumped down in the main service room of the building. Vose remained standing however, and began walking around the garage inspecting the machinery and supplies with an unhealthy curiosity for a man who had just walked for hours in intense heat wearing full combat armour.
"Can we take our helmets off yet?" Moore asked. The Sergeant didn't turn away from the chassis he was gazing at and let out an indifferent grunt sound, which roughly translated to 'do what you want'. The other three gears gratefully pulled off their helmets and enjoyed the feeling of cool air on their faces, despite coughing slightly at the dank and oily smell no longer filtered out by their oxygen filters.

Dunn sat between Moore and the last member of the squad, his fellow soldier and childhood friend, Corporal Miles Villagomez. They had both grown up during the late stages of the Pendulum wars, both raised in a war loving society, yet still were both barely adults fighting for the survival of their race. Miles was short and stocky, standing at 5'11 and weighing just shy of 200lbs. He was shorter than Dunn but both were well built as a result of intensive Gears training and dieting. They were both 19 years old. Dunn looked over at Moore, who was now sleeping. Moore was 17 years old and had only seen combat a few times. He was taller than everyone else in the squad, but wasn't as wide or heavy as the average Gear, he had to retake the Gears weapons exam twice for dropping the Mortar on (and breaking) his C.O's foot. If it wasn't for a shortage of troops he would have probably been kicked out. The kid had a lot to learn but was a loyal soldier.

There was a loud screeching noise from the corner of the garage and Dunn jumped to his feet, his rifle already pointed out instinctively. The Sergeant looked over from the corner where he had pulled open a heavy metal door.
"At ease men, just taking a look in here," he growled, as reassuringly as he could, although it still sounded like a threat. Dunn breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down, Miles who also stood up did the same, but Moore was still asleep in the corner. Vose vanished into the unexplored room and was gone for a few minutes until he shouted through.

"I've found a **** load of supplies! Cans of Imulsion and some weapons, looks like someone was going to hole up here!" he called, sounding excited. "Breaks over, get in here and help me haul this crap." Dunn sighed and stood up; he woke up Moore with a light kick before going over to the doorway.

Dunn stepped through the doorway into a small room which was stocked high with cans of imulsion and a small mountain of weaponry and ammunition. Caches of useful stuff like this one showed up all the time, from Stranded storing emergency stockpiles and then likely forgetting about them or getting killed, but this was definitely the biggest haul Dunn had ever seen. Even Vose, who had now removed his own helmet, looked excited.
"This is too much for us to carry, I'm going to radio in see if we can get a 'Dil or even a rig pick up." The Sergeant laughed. Dunn tried to look enthusiastic, but he knew this would mean waiting for a pickup which would take hours, and then there was a chance they'd even have to walk back at night if the vehicle was filled up with the new supplies. The sergeant seemed to pick up on his concerns,

"Don't worry Lance Corporal, I'll get a convoy or at least a couple of vehicles, this stash is worth risking the army for!" he exclaimed. He then grabbed his radio and left the room, heading outside of the garage for a clear signal. Dunn was left in the room with the other two gears, who began sorting through the piles of weapons. Moore picked up a large dangerous looking weapon sporting two razor sharp blades resembling an axe.
"What the hell is this? I got to get me one of these!" he said as he ran his finger along one of the blades and peered at the unusual barrel of the weapon.

"That's a torque bow, be careful with that, it'll blow up the room if you press the wrong thing. And with the imulsion in here, you'll probably sink Ilima for good." Miles warned. Moore snorted and carried on inspecting the weapon,
"Whatever, Ilima's never going to sink, it's too big," he laughed. Miles shrugged and began grouping together all the ammunition which he recognised into small piles. Moore, obviously bored, tossed the torque bow to one side and turned back to the pile. The weapon landed with a loud crash and the blades slowly began to retract, the weapons end began to glow and hummed loudly.
"Oh ****." Moore swore.

Dunn leapt onto the weapon and ran out of the storeroom with it. He aimed it towards the open doorway a split second before the weapon snapped forwards and sent a glowing arrow sailing out of the garage and into a wrecked vehicle on the kerb opposite from the garage. It detonated. The first explosion split the vehicle in half. The Imulsion from the cars gas tank had yet to be scavenged, and ignited. The second explosion took out the rest of the street.

The loud thuds of a retro Lancer shook the street and Vose screamed into his radio, letting off rounds in every direction.
"Enemy contact, possible Theron Guards! Send reinforcements to grid square Zulu-Kilo-10-89!" He ran into the garage, staring in disbelief and anger at the gears.

"Didn't you morons hear me! Enemy contact, where are your weapons!" he roared. Moore stepped forward, shaking slightly.
"Er- sorry, Sergeant," he muttered. Vose stood still for a moment, his eyes darting between the grunt and the spent Torque bow on the floor. He opened his mouth to shout but was interrupted as the ground beneath them began to tremble violently, the room began to shake violently, tools and equipment crashed to the floor and the very ground they stood on rumbled loudly.
To anyone it would sound like a normal earthquake, gigantic plates moving beneath the earth, the planet stirring. But to a gear the sound was unmistakable. It brought fear to the hearts of the bravest soldiers, and those 'lucky' enough to hear it a second time knew it was not an earthquake.

The Locust were coming.

Anyway, I like what you have thus far. I'm hoping that you continue this and don't drop it like so many other people do. I think you've got a great starting chapter that can bring people in and make them read. The description is good and you paint a picture by adding details, something a lot of people tend to forget. I'm going to keep my comments short and await a bit more before I settle in, although I do have some suggestions.

- Don't be afraid to get gritty with what you have. We're all mature enough to handle it here.
- Don't be afraid to experiment with ideas, we won't go on a witch-hunt.
- Length wise I think this chapter was great, however, feel free to go even longer if you wish.

On a side note, I'd like to point out the the grid reference.

Send reinforcements to grid square Zulu-Kilo-10-89!"

Change those two numbers to letters. Something like this can work here:

a) "Zulu-Kilo-One-Zero-Eight-Nine".
b) "Zulu-Kilo-Ten-Eighty-Nine".

I prefer the the first method as that one makes the most sense and in the heat of battle-rattle, the person on the other end can clearly hear what you're saying. So they don't get mixed up with things like "eighty-nine". Its short and simple and to the point. "Eight-nine" etc.


Anyway, good luck with the rest of your fiction and I'll be around to read. This place is a little slow, but don't worry, its not dead. I can make sure of that.

[KILL3R II UK]

Hey thanks for the great feedback, I'll make the changes you suggested.

I have another 2 chapters planned but I might even go cliche and do a flashback sequence as well :P

[SKORGE]

No problem, and cliché is no biggie here. In fact, I know RaKais loves to use it in order to give a little back-story to his characters. By the way, take your time and write at your own pace, no matter how much I annoy you for an update. If you feel like a chapter isn't ready, don't post it until you know its what you want. Some writers in the past have thrown something out for the sake of being consistent, even though it wasn't how they wanted it.

[KILL3R II UK]

Ok, will do!

[Vandy]

A few weeks later his short lived peace was shattered on Emergence day, and along with the whole world he was thrown into another fight, but not a fight for resources or politics, for Survival.

Threw needs to be thrown. Another thing is when you cuss in your story try only taking out the vowel so we know what you mean.

As they passed over many smashed roads full of cars (comma) leaking imulsion (comma) and other unhealthy looking chemicals, destroyed pipelines....

CoG capture of the Hammer of Dawn technology

Caches of useful stuff like this one showed up all the time

Take that out. That and the rest of that sentence just feels like a run-on to me.

it'll blow up the room if you press the wrong thing (instead of thing, try button, just a suggestion, this is not a mandatory change.)

Very, very, very good. Dude I think you jus cured my writer's block, and if you did, God bless you. That was a very good first chapter. In other words, I liked it. Don't worry about the mistakes, everyone makes them. You now have a fan, my friend.

[KILL3R II UK]

Threw needs to be thrown. Another thing is when you cuss in your story try only taking out the vowel so we know what you mean.







Take that out. That and the rest of that sentence just feels like a run-on to me.




Very, very, very good. Dude I think you jus cured my writer's block, and if you did, God bless you. That was a very good first chapter. In other words, I liked it. Don't worry about the mistakes, everyone makes them. You now have a fan, my friend.

Wow! Thanks a lot, glad I helped you out

And thanks for the fixes I will get to them right away, also I actually had the swear words unfiltered but SKORGE changed them into **** when he copied it over for me.

[Vandy]

Oh, well if SKORGE says so I gues he's right.

[SKORGE]

Wow! Thanks a lot, glad I helped you out

And thanks for the fixes I will get to them right away, also I actually had the swear words unfiltered but SKORGE changed them into **** when he copied it over for me.

No, this site does that automatically. I would have mentioned it, but I thought it was clean for the time being. Only reason I ever ask someone to change it to something like this "sh*t" is because "****" can be many things when reading. Uncensor if you wish, keep it censored if you want. All up to you at the end of the day.

[TehDrunkKitty]

Where is part 2....

[KILL3R II UK]

Where is part 2....

I didn't write it yet....

[Vandy]

Yea, it takes a little while to write something.

[TehDrunkKitty]

I didn't write it yet....

Take your time.

[KILL3R II UK]

Take your time.

I've wrote bits, I just should have planned it earlier because I have no clue what to do with the story so I am deciding as I go lol

[Croswynd]

Good opener. Much better than I honestly expected out of someone I haven't seen around here. You're definitely more skillful than most at weaving a setting. I'm glad you take the time to detail the surroundings as much as you do. Writers too often deign not to include the details that can make the story bright and vibrant, myself included. Kudos there.

A few grammatical mistakes Vandy already picked up on, though there was a redundancy with the "no longer -filtered- by the oxygen -filters-." I'd suggest changing that somehow.

Otherwise, I haven't seen enough of the story to make a judgement, but like I said, it is a great start. Continue as you may and if you ever get bored, take a look at Haunted Echoes (in my sig). It's always nice to have reviews and I dare say you'd have a great deal to share with me regarding my scenes, based on this opener.

Good luck, mate.

[SKORGE]

I've wrote bits, I just should have planned it earlier because I have no clue what to do with the story so I am deciding as I go lol

Take your time and plan the story up ahead. It doesn't have to be something major, but even a little know-how of where you're planning on taking the story and each chapter can help you cut a path through all the fog of writing. Go one chapter ahead. Some writers tend to have an outline of what happens, I tried it, it wasn't for me. I on the other hand tend to go one chapter ahead, plan out how the chapter I'm working on and the one after are going to connect with one another. It has its benefits. Remember, you can always go back and change something if you feel like you have a better idea. So no worries on experimenting.

[KILL3R II UK]

Take your time and plan the story up ahead. It doesn't have to be something major, but even a little know-how of where you're planning on taking the story and each chapter can help you cut a path through all the fog of writing. Go one chapter ahead. Some writers tend to have an outline of what happens, I tried it, it wasn't for me. I on the other hand tend to go one chapter ahead, plan out how the chapter I'm working on and the one after are going to connect with one another. It has its benefits. Remember, you can always go back and change something if you feel like you have a better idea. So no worries on experimenting.

Yeah I've been trying to imagine at least one chapter ahead. I do want to continue the story but with Gears 3 out tomorrow I'm not sure if I'll have time :P I'm not done with it though, Chapter 2 is in progress!

Good opener. Much better than I honestly expected out of someone I haven't seen around here. You're definitely more skillful than most at weaving a setting. I'm glad you take the time to detail the surroundings as much as you do. Writers too often deign not to include the details that can make the story bright and vibrant, myself included. Kudos there.

A few grammatical mistakes Vandy already picked up on, though there was a redundancy with the "no longer -filtered- by the oxygen -filters-." I'd suggest changing that somehow.

Otherwise, I haven't seen enough of the story to make a judgement, but like I said, it is a great start. Continue as you may and if you ever get bored, take a look at Haunted Echoes (in my sig). It's always nice to have reviews and I dare say you'd have a great deal to share with me regarding my scenes, based on this opener.

Good luck, mate.

Thanks a lot for the kind words.

And I will check your story out now.

[KILL3R II UK]

This short story is set in the city of Ilima and its surrounding areas. It is set sometime before the events of Gears of War 2 where the city is sank, but it is still occupied by Locust forces and is a hotspot of much warfare and bloodshed. The date is approximately 10AE (after emergence day).

Chapter One – On Patrol

The once picturesque skyline of the city of Ilima had been transformed into a clutter of twisted skyscraper skeletons, a graveyard of buckled monuments and fallen highways. Despite this it was still one of the most intact human settlements on Sera, and the humans fought as fiercely as any Locust to hold on to it. But the city had changed, fields of broken glass and rubble covered the boulevards and parks of the fallen city, the unusual geography was as alien to the humans as it was to their enemies.

Many of the Gears teams deployed to repel the Locust were as much explorers as they were guardians. Even to those who grew up in the city it was now unrecognisable. The city was being remapped constantly, fallen skyscrapers and twisted metal supports were the roads and corridors of the new Ilima.

It was mid-summer, the sky was a glorious blue and the suns heat and light flooded the city. But clad in the heavy, full body armour and helmet of the CoG army, Lance Corporal Richard Dunn couldn't enjoy the warm weather. The heat was entirely absorbed by the dark grey armour, and the heavy helmet ensured none of the heat escaped, along with the sweat, which pooled uncomfortably in the uniform worn underneath. Only his forearms were bare, which were burnt red raw from the strong sun. Sun cream wasn't the priority for the limited production lines hastily rebuilt since Emergence day.

A few feet behind Dunn there came an angry shout from another Gear, the least experienced of the group, Private Danny Moore.
"Screw this sh*t, I'm taking this off!" The Gears stopped and turned to look at the grunt, who had dropped his Lancer and was fruitlessly fumbling with his helmet.
"Cut that out, we're under orders to stay fully armoured at all times when in the city!" Sergeant Vose shouted.
He was the commander of the small squad, and had more years in combat than the other 3 combined. A decorated war hero from the Pendulum wars, Vose had been fighting a constant war his entire life. Born into a socialist family of long serving loyalty to the CoG, he enlisted at the age of 16 and fought in multiple tours until the end of the Pendulum wars. A few weeks later his short lived peace was shattered on Emergence day, and along with the whole world he was thrown into another fight, but not a fight for resources or politics, for Survival. It was rumoured he had killed thousands of Locusts with the same Retro lancer he had been issued almost a generation ago, and had participated in many major raids leading to the CoG capture of the Hammer of Dawn technology that won the Pendulum wars. Now here he was arguing with some kid to keep his helmet on.

"With all due respect Sergeant, this heats gonna' kill me before the Locust." Moore griped as he continued tugging on the top of his helmet. Vose placed his archaic rifle down carefully on the floor and stepped slowly towards the grunt.
"Listen carefully now, I'm ordering you to leave that helmet on." Vose growled, his voice was now dangerously quiet. Dunn began pacing nervously, he'd seen someone disobey the Sergeant before. It didn't end well. Moore muttered words a few words of complaint, but his hands left his helmet, and he picked up his rifle and continued on dejectedly.
Vose returned to his rifle and picked it up, dusting it off almost lovingly before continuing on with the rest of the squad.

The Gears walked on for hours, Moore had stopped complaining about his helmet, and in fact had stopped communicating completely, simply walking forward, his head down. As they passed over many smashed roads full of cars, leaking imulsion, and other unhealthy looking chemicals, destroyed pipelines carrying fuel, sewage and various leftovers from viscous firefights, it became clear to Dunn why they had to wear masks. Disease was rife in the jungle of broken and abandoned leftovers of war, human technology and industry. Dunn could swear he saw Moore even pull the helmet tighter onto his head as they passed over a shallow radioactive lake of a leaking imulsion factory.

The sun had began to reach unbearable levels when Vose finally spoke again,
"Ok it must be the 13th hour, so you've all got 20 minutes to rest and take a drink. We'll use that old garage over there," he pointed a gloved hand towards a dilapidated but still standing vehicle service station across the road from the gears. They advanced into the building, weapons raised and in silence, carrying out a well rehearsed search of the building. Stranded still lived in the city in their hundreds, if not thousands. They had a hatred for the CoG soldiers, and some fired on their fellow humans as readily as they would the Locust. Settlements like that though would usually be destroyed by a king raven assault if any Gears were harmed, so most of the Stranded settlements treated Gears with indifference, or avoided them completely.
Nowhere was safe for sure.

The building was pronounced clear by Vose, and the Gears relaxed, took off their helmets and slumped down in the main service room of the building. Vose remained standing however, and began walking around the garage inspecting the machinery and supplies with an unhealthy vigour for a man who had just walked for hours in intense heat wearing full combat armour.
"Can we take our helmets off yet?" Moore asked. The Sergeant didn't turn away from the chassis he was gazing at and let out an indifferent grunt sound, which roughly translated to 'do what you want'. The other three gears gratefully pulled off their helmets and enjoyed the feeling of cool air on their faces, despite coughing slightly at the dank and oily smell no longer filtered out by their masks.

Dunn sat between Moore and the last member of the squad, his fellow soldier and childhood friend, Corporal Miles Villagomez. They had both grown up during the late stages of the Pendulum wars, both raised in a war loving society, yet still were both barely adults fighting for the survival of their race. Miles was short and stocky, standing at 5'11 and weighing just shy of 200lbs. He was shorter than Dunn but both were well built as a result of intensive Gears training and dieting. They were both 19 years old. Dunn looked over at Moore, who was now sleeping. Moore was 17 years old and had only seen combat a few times. He was taller than everyone else in the squad, but wasn't as wide or heavy as the average Gear, he had to retake the Gears weapons exam twice for dropping the Mortar on (and breaking) his C.O's foot. If it wasn't for a shortage of troops he would have probably been kicked out. The kid had a lot to learn but was a loyal soldier.

There was a loud screeching noise from the corner of the garage and Dunn jumped to his feet, his rifle already pointed out instinctively. The Sergeant looked over from the corner where he had pulled open a heavy metal door.
"At ease men, just taking a look in here," he growled, as reassuringly as he could, although it still sounded like a threat. Dunn breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down, Miles who also stood up did the same, but Moore was still asleep in the corner. Vose vanished into the unexplored room and was gone for a few minutes until he shouted through.
"I've found a sh*t load of supplies! Cans of Imulsion and some weapons, looks like someone was going to hole up here!" he called, sounding excited. "Breaks over, get in here and help me haul this crap." Dunn sighed and stood up; he woke up Moore with a light kick before going over to the doorway.

Dunn stepped through the doorway into a small room which was stocked high with cans of imulsion and a small mountain of weaponry and ammunition. Caches of useful stuff like this showed up all the time, from Stranded storing emergency stockpiles and then likely forgetting about them or getting killed, but this was definitely the biggest haul Dunn had ever seen. Even Vose, who had now removed his own helmet, looked excited.
"This is too much for us to carry, I'm going to radio in see if we can get a 'Dil or even a rig pick up." The Sergeant laughed. Dunn tried to look enthusiastic, but he knew this would mean waiting for a pickup which would take hours, and then there was a chance they'd even have to walk back at night if the vehicle was filled up with the new supplies. The sergeant seemed to pick up on his concerns,
"Don't worry Lance Corporal, I'll get a convoy or at least a couple of vehicles, this stash is worth risking the army for!" he exclaimed. He then grabbed his radio and left the room, heading outside of the garage for a clear signal. Dunn was left in the room with the other two gears, who began sorting through the piles of weapons. Moore picked up a large dangerous looking weapon sporting two razor sharp blades resembling an axe.
"What the hell is this? I got to get me one of these!" he said as he ran his finger along one of the blades and peered at the unusual barrel of the weapon.
"That's a torque bow, be careful with that, it'll blow up the room if you press the wrong button. And with the imulsion in here, you'll probably sink Ilima for good." Miles warned. Moore snorted and carried on inspecting the weapon,
"Whatever, Ilima's never going to sink, it's too big," he laughed. Miles shrugged and began grouping together all the ammunition which he recognised into small piles. Moore, obviously bored, tossed the torque bow to one side and turned back to the pile. The weapon landed with a loud crash and the blades slowly began to retract, the weapons end began to glow and hummed loudly.
"Oh sh*t." Moore swore.

Dunn leapt onto the weapon and ran out of the storeroom with it. He aimed it towards the open doorway a split second before the weapon snapped forwards and sent a glowing arrow sailing out of the garage and into a wrecked vehicle on the kerb opposite from the garage. It detonated. The first explosion split the vehicle in half. The Imulsion from the cars gas tank had yet to be scavenged, and ignited. The second explosion took out the rest of the street.
The loud thuds of a retro Lancer shook the street and Vose screamed into his radio, letting off rounds in every direction.
"Enemy contact, possible Theron Guards! Send reinforcements to grid square Zulu-Kilo-one-zero-eight-nine!" He ran into the garage, staring in disbelief and anger at the gears.
"Didn't you morons hear me! Enemy contact, where are your weapons!" he roared. Moore stepped forward, shaking slightly.
"Er- sorry, Sergeant," he muttered. Vose stood still for a moment, his eyes darting between the grunt and the spent Torque bow on the floor. He opened his mouth to shout but was interrupted as the ground beneath them began to tremble violently, the room began to shake, tools and equipment crashed to the floor and the very ground they stood on rumbled loudly.
To anyone it would sound like a normal earthquake, gigantic plates moving beneath the earth, the planet stirring. But to a gear the sound was unmistakable. It brought fear to the hearts of the bravest soldiers, and those 'lucky' enough to hear it a second time knew it was not an earthquake.

The Locust were coming.

Next Chapter >

[KILL3R II UK]

< Previous Chapter

Chapter Two – Into the Fire

“Take cover! Weapons free!” Vose roared as he sprinted back to the rest of the squad, jets of imulsion, dust and flame spurting out from the ground around him as he ran. Dunn checked his Lancer was loaded and ready before swinging it onto his back and grabbing a sniper from the discovered stockpile. Miles hurried to the other side of the room and took cover at one of the smaller windows looking out onto the street; he checked the breach of his rifle and gave the chainsaw a quick rev before resting the barrel on the windowsill and acquiring sightlines over the street. Moore was slumped against a car beside Dunn, shaking violently as he tried to pull his helmet onto his head. Vose came over and helped him, before handing him his Lancer.

“I’m scared, Sergeant,” Moore said. Dunn looked at Vose, expecting him to bark an order, but his stern face was dangerously close to a sympathetic expression,
“Keep it together, Danny. We’ve all been here before, just watch our backs and don’t stop shooting.” The sergeant turned back to the others, the moment of softness apparently over as quickly as it began, “Okay Gears! Feels like three or four holes, we might be here a while, but ravens are on the way. Hold the position at all costs!”

As soon as he finished shouting, the vibrations suddenly stopped, there was silence for a moment before a great crack pierced the air, and four small explosions went off in the street. Four giant holes were punched upwards from the ground, sending chunks of concrete into the air accompanied by heavy showers of black dust. Immediately the first Locust appeared and pulled itself slowly up from the ground before looking around. It was late in the day and the sky was darkening, but the creature still threw up its hands to shield its eyes and growled as sunlight hit it for the first time. Danny had seen Locust before but still swore out loud at the sight of one. The beast was almost 7 foot tall, it wore only armour on its legs, as it’s thick upper body was reinforced with rock hard muscle and tough skin. It was humanoid in shape, but its head was large with tiny, fierce black eyes and a wide mouth filled with razor sharp teeth. At least it was before a heavy sniper round from Dunn’s rifle hit its mark, exploding the aliens head with a sickening crunch.

Reloading, Dunn turned to Danny,
“That was a runt, one of the small ones, they just used him to guess our position.”
Before Moore could debate how small the creature was, more Locust began hoisting themselves from the ground. These ones were taller and heavier than the first, and armed with an assortment of rifles, shotguns and heavy revolvers. The gears opened fire onto the grubs, many fell back into their holes as rifle bullets thudded into their chests and heads, but more managed to sprint away to cover, and even more climbed up to replace their fallen brethren. Unlike the first Locust these were fast and experienced, not to mention fearless. In seconds a considerable force had established itself on the street, taking cover behind ruined cars and chunks of fallen buildings, laying down covering fire as even more clambered through the emergence holes. Dunn swore when he realised the Locust numbers were growing too fast and threw the longshot rifle aside, before pulling his Lancer from his back and opening up a stream of continuous fire onto the largest crowd.

Sergeant Vose crouched at a wide window at the front of the station and picked off any of the Locust which dared to leave cover and make a break across the street.
His retro lancer was a blur as he snapped between targets and took them down with perfectly aimed bursts. After a few minutes the road was almost covered in grub guts and corpses, but more kept coming.

Eventually he cursed as his last clip clicked empty, and he tossed the heavy weapon aside and pulled out his snub pistol.
“Moore! Check the store for more pendulum rounds! Or bring me another weapon!” he shouted as he casually placed multiple pistol rounds in the chest of a drone which sprinted towards them. Moore nodded and retreated into the weapons cache. He emerged half a minute later with a few ammo clips and a cumbersome looking grenade launcher,
“Sergeant I found a Boomsh-“ he was cut short as a round ricocheted of the wall and hit him in the neck. Vose cursed.
“Sh*t. Dunn, hand me the Boomshot and see to Moore!” Dunn did as he was told and threw the weapon as delicately as he could to Vose, before turning back to Moore who was slumped on the floor.

“Moore! Is it bad!?” Dunn shouted. Danny’s reply was drowned out by a giant explosion from the street as the sergeant tested out his new toy. Dunn gently removed Moore’s helmet and scanned his neck,
“Don’t worry, the bullet just grazed you, but it’s bleeding bad, just keep pressure on it, we’ll be out of here soon.”
Moore nodded as Dunn turned back to the carnage. The street was now totally destroyed, the few untouched metres remaining after the car explosion had been turned to ash and rubble, and chunks of Locust were scattered everywhere. The emergence holes were now blocked by a collapsed building, and the majority of the Locust had been obliterated. A few had survived the blast, but most of them were crawling on the ground or limping towards new cover.

“Aw sh*t, the cluster bombs on this thing do good work, anymore ammo drums?” Vose shouted back. Moore shook his head,
“No Sergeant.”
“That’s unfortunate, but it looks like these f*ckers are done anyway,” the Sergeant laughed. He stood up and retrieved his pendulum lancer, before confidently striding out into the street towards the Locust remnant. One nearest to him caught sight of the human and snarled with anger. It pulled itself from the ground, now oblivious to its massive burns and scarring cause by the explosion, and advanced towards him. The creature leaped at Vose, its arms outstretched as if it meant to throttle him. He raised his lancer and forced the bayonet into the creatures face, the blade sunk into its nose and kept going. The Locust let out a strange guttural choke and fell to the ground, completely still. Vose kicked it onto it’s back and placed a heavy boot on its neck, holding the body to the ground as he wrenched the blade from the creatures skull. Dunn turned away in disgust, almost throwing up at the sight of the pulverised features. The Sergeant pulled the knife from the end of his rifle and calmly wiped it down, before going to finish off the next survivor.

Miles left the station to help Vose finish up as Dunn sighed and unceremoniously threw his rifle aside, and slid down into a sitting position besides Moore who still sat clutching a soaked rag to his neck and shivering.
“So, how many did you get?” Dunn asked light heartedly.
Moore snorted, “Don’t even know if I got one. I put whole clips into some of those bastards and they just ran through it.”
“Yeah, they do that,” Dunn replied.
Moore jumped as several pistol shots were fired outside.
“You kept it together though, good job.”
Moore snorted again, “Not like I was much help.” Dunn shrugged and stood again, rests were brief for Gears. He held out his hand and helped Moore climb to his feet.
“Let’s start bringing this crap out to the front, the sooner we get this loaded the sooner we can get back to base.”
Moore sighed and nodded glumly. He went into the storeroom and started collecting weapons into a manageable heap.
“Oh yeah, and try not to blow us up this time you stupid f*ck.” Dunn joked. Moore laughed and the pair set to work on moving the stockpile together.

[KILL3R II UK]

So I made two new posts, chapter one with a few changes and chapter two, which I hope isn't too bad.

[Vandy]

Another good job, however today I just felt like reading. I didn't go looking for errors, thats SKORGES job anyway, ha ha. But yep, loved this one too, good job bro.

[KILL3R II UK]

Another good job, however today I just felt like reading. I didn't go looking for errors, thats SKORGES job anyway, ha ha. But yep, loved this one too, good job bro.

Cheers man.

Sorry for the late reply, I haven't been to this site in a while but I've started posting again on the other forums so dropped in here. Might have a go at writing a third part for the story. I'll post it up if I can come up with anything good!