UT jokes

[Sly.]

I like UT jokes. That's why I think we need a thread where we collect them
Here is a nice joke:

Have you been asking yourself if you play too much UT?
Here you have a checklist:

1. You play too much UT if you know stock maps better than your own home.
2. You play too much UT if in your opinion boots in the shoe store look like jump boots.
3. You play too much UT if you always look up while in the elevator.
4. You play too much UT if you try to lift-jump.
5. You play too much UT if you always hear rockets loading while walking down an empty corridor.
6. You play too much UT if you try to dodge in physical education.
7. You play too much UT if you jump out of the window to take a shortcut while in the 3rd floor.
8. You play too much UT if you've read a sign but can't remember it and suddenly you notice that you have no F2 where you can look up the whole chat to read it again.
9. You play too much UT if you type T in front of every chat message.
10. You play too much UT if you steal your neighbours flag.
11. You play too much UT if you steal a car and you're surprised not to hear the "Hijacked" announcement but the alarm instead of it.
12. You play too much UT if you miss announcements in general!
13. You play too much UT if you go camping with a sniper rifle.
14. You play too much UT if you try to hammer-jump to bed (literally hammer-jump).
15. You play too much UT if you sign a contract (with clantag and) ingame nick.
16. You play too much UT if you think you will respawn when you died.
17. You play too much UT if you are asking yourself what "real life" is.
18. You play too much UT if you make UT jokes.

Btw, this checklist was actually longer but I saw it on a website and can't remember which one it was. Also, Google search didn't help. This joke was actually a German one and it might be wrong translated and I added some headwords to it which were not there in the original because it was from a UT99 fan site. I just updated it.

However, I guess now you know if you play too much UT.

I also had some pics, like "campers" on LavaGiant in UT99, but I can't find the website anymore There was also a pic of the "Church of the Redeemer"

But I found this one (although the other camper pic was funnier because the whole team has been grilling marshmallows )


Post your jokes

[Crusha K. Rool]

Hmm, finding jokes might be hard, but funny screenshots are easy:

[Deadly Lycrish]

One time, years ago, I was playing WAY to much of UT99, and I swear that as I was outside going for Slurpees that I heard the sound of someone spawning. I freaked out! And I was like "DID YOU HEAR THAT!?"
But of course, I'm just crazy, so whatevs eue

[Sly.]

LOL Looks like the checklist is not really a joke!

[GreatEmerald]

I did try dodging during physical education In fact, it was quite useful when being chased since nobody expects such a quick turn.

[Skred]

MY CAR KEYS!

(stolen from Obsol33t)

[Sly.]

LMAO! WOW this one's nice! But use the SHOT-tag for this one, it's pretty big

BTW does the original Levi really have this lettering? LOL Can't remember it.

[Crusha K. Rool]

Probably not. The Kraken has also the nice writing on it's back "honk if you ♥ squid".

[Skred]

LMAO! WOW this one's nice! But use the SHOT-tag for this one, it's pretty big

I did

[Sly.]

Yea but in an edit later, right? When I saw it first it was even bigger than my highest resolution (1280x1024)
But now back 2 topic. Anybody else got some jokes?

EDIT: YAY! POST #1,000 and checklist updated

[Infernus.]

If you take a close look at the toiletcar you can see there 'BABY IN TANK' I was like LMFAO when I saw this.

[100GPing100]

I actally hear some sounds, like I am seeing a webpage and then I hear like the rocket launcher, and I freak out.

Yesterday this happened, but I don't remmember wich sound it was, no wait it was the menu mouse over sound xD

I haven't tryed to dodge, but when I was little, I walked on the wall (this is true, not a jocke) (if it isn't a jocke why did I puted it here?!? o0 ho because of the matrix monkey movements mutator xD)
_______________
"any shot you hear is nothing to be owrried about."

[Sly.]

@Troy: I know this one I was like WT* when I saw this the first time. And I laughed a lot as well!

Now to my checklist related post
I actually had a phase where I played that much UT99 that I wrote T in front of every chat message LOL That's not a joke! It's true!

[Skred]

tI still do that on IRC chats..lol

[100GPing100]

why to writte T when chating, what does that has to do witht the game? o0 I am confused now
_______________
"any shot you hear is nothing to be worried about."

[Crusha K. Rool]

T is the default keybind to write a chat message ingame.

I always map it to dot and comma, though.

[Darkemule]

OUCH! xD

[Skred]

hehe
+++++

[Sly.]

Autotaunt:

That had to hurt.

[Deadly Lycrish]

No one fights like Axon
Douses lights like Axon
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Axon!

XD Just came to me. :3

[Skred]

Had one happen tonight at school. Someone said something to the effect of "Your'e pretty smart". My automatic response (AKA auto-taunt), was "faster, stronger, better." I was like "oh sorry, just something I heard on a video game..."

I thought lol to myself and of Sly...LMAO

[Sly.]

Campers:


You may never know what they will do next

[LobsterTipper]

A basketball hit my face today after I failed to catch it SO I BLAMED IT ON THE LAG.

[Skred]

Campers:


You may never know what they will do next

You walk over to get a ask for a 'nanna and they headshot you.

[Baryonyx]

Nice parking, right?

Happened to me in ONS-Dryice with a UT3 Scorpion jumping from the ramp in the base with speed booster

[Sly.]

Tss tss tss... Barionyx, how many times did I already say that trees are not flagpoles and Scorpions are not flags

[GreatEmerald]

Must be a UT3 scorpion XD

[Sly.]

Yeah That reminds me of the last Community Tournament. I didn't know that you can fly almost as high as a building in Downtown by using the boost and crashing against another object

[9ades]

I physically dodged off a wall once or twice. Not really to the same velocity as an unreal pawn though. I've also tried actual dodge moves, even mimicking the jump sound as I do it, I can't dodge very fast, or more then 2 feet though.

Also, I look at real buildings and try to figure out, can an unreal player survive a fall from that height?

[Sly.]

*checks checklist*

You play too much UT if you jump out of the window to take a shortcut while in the 3rd floor.

Yeah, they'd survive a jump out of the third floor... but you wouldn't.

[Drudgie]

You played too much UT if you jump out of the window to take a shortcut while in the 3rd floor.

Fixed it

You play too much UT if you try to dodge in physical education.

I used to do this in dodgeball..

[Sly.]

Thanks for the fix. Now it doesn't have a flaw in logic anymore

This does not have a lot to do with jokes but it is still funny:
This one's from Axeman's "Epic Boy remake" release thread concerning a (right now) pretty cool looking Zeto remake:

100% BSP... I don't think you can do that without getting BSP holes -as long as they don't kill you I don't see them as annoying It's always fun to walk through the map and then you notice one and you're like "EFF, YEAH! I love that HoM effect! " ... but that might be just me (because I'm a mapper) - but of course I wish you good luck!
[...]

"EFF, YEAH! I love that HoM effect!"

^^ Should be on a T-Shirt

[...]
Here you go

[...]

I think it's funny. ^^

[Baryonyx]

Nice Photoshopping there I think I would actually buy such a shirt

Something funny happened to me in Chaos-melee games:
The first thing happened on DM-PueblinCanino (a DM-Dogtown remake). I killed (actually halved, with the legs remaining ) an enemy with the doubleaxe and she was launched up into the air and landed on a street name sign in a way that it looked like her body was nailed to it. I thought to myself: "Look! This is what happens if you are messing with me!" I wanted to take a screenshot but it seems like Chaos has no screenshot directory and they are not in the main screenshot folder.
The other thing that happened was on the map DM-December24th[FuT] when I was near the bottom of the stairs and saw an enemy jumping towards me from the treads above. I jumped up into his direction and landed my doubleaxe right in his crotch. The first thing I thought almost automatically was what my character was saying aswell: "That HAD to hurt!"

[Sly.]

From the Community Tournament from yesterday:

"What if UT physics and such stuff would exist in real life? How'd life be like?"

Well, you'd leave your home to go to school/work and would arrive too late.

Then they'd ask you: "Why are you too late?"
and you'd probably say one of the following things:

"I was roadkilled by the bus and had to respawn at my base (aka home). Then I had to walk all the way by foot again..."
"An id10t took the Manta and instead of using it as a taxi he just hovered away!"
"I left home during Invasion time. Monster spawned in the whole town..."
"I have been killed by the bullies again. They're real team killers! They've no skill!"
"I went by Manta and met a guy with a Shock Rifle..."
"Someone spammed the way with Spider Mines..."
"I met a group of campers..."
"Someone activated the Redeemer arena mutator..."
"There were Ion Tanks everywhere... O_O"
"The server had lags..."
"EFF, YEAH!"

Then there would be BSP holes. You could see a cool HoM effect on some complex objects because of the holes. (that's something we need in real life )

You could make a person explode by jumping 100 times on the person's head.

Another thing which would be different would be the measuring unit.
Everything would be measured in UnrealUnits (UU).

Or let's take another situation as an example: "How was your day?"
You'll most likely answer something like this:

"I woke up, jumped out of the window in the third floor to take a shortcut, lost 5hp because of the height, found and picked up a health vial, hijacked a vehicle, roadkilled 4-5 people, got out of the vehicle, had a multi kill with my Assault Rifle, died and respawned with 98 Adrenaline. I think that was all. I had a very productive day today."

So you see: Life would be way cooler!

[Unreal4Eva]

From the Community Tournament from yesterday:

"What if UT physics and such stuff would exist in real life? How'd life be like?"

Well, you'd leave your base/home to go to school/work and would come to late.

Then they'd ask you: "Why are you too late?" and you'd probably say one of the following things:

"I was roadkilled by the bus and had to respawn at my base (aka home). Then I had to walk all the way by foot again..."
"I left home during Invasion time. Monster spawned in the whole town..."
"I have been killed by the bullies again. They're real team killers! They've no skill!"
"I went by Manta and met a guy with a Shock Rifle..."
"Someone activated the Redeemer arena mutator..."
"There were Ion Tanks everywhere... O_O"
"The server had lags..."
"EFF, YEAH!"

Or let's take another situation as an example: "How was your day?"

You'll most likely answer something like this:

"I woke up, jumped out of the window in the third floor to take a shortcut, lost 5hp, found and picked up a health vial, hijacked a vehicle, roadkilled 4-5 people, got out of the vehicle, had a multi kill with my Assault Rifle, died and respawned with 98 Adrenaline. I think that was all. I had a very productive day today."

So you see: Life would be way cooler!

Lol that's funny!

[Infernus.]

From the Community Tournament from yesterday:

"What if UT physics and such stuff would exist in real life? How'd life be like?"

Well, you'd leave your home to go to school/work and would arrive too late.

Then they'd ask you: "Why are you too late?"
and you'd probably say one of the following things:

"I was roadkilled by the bus and had to respawn at my base (aka home). Then I had to walk all the way by foot again..."
"An id10t took the Manta and instead of using it as a taxi he just hovered away!"
"I left home during Invasion time. Monster spawned in the whole town..."
"I have been killed by the bullies again. They're real team killers! They've no skill!"
"I went by Manta and met a guy with a Shock Rifle..."
"Someone spammed the way with Spider Mines..."
"I met a group of campers..."
"Someone activated the Redeemer arena mutator..."
"There were Ion Tanks everywhere... O_O"
"The server had lags..."
"EFF, YEAH!"

Then there would be BSP holes. You could see a cool HoM effect on some complex objects because of the holes. (that's something we need in real life )

You could make a person explode by jumping 100 times on the person's head.

Another thing which would be different would be the measuring unit.
Everything would be measured in UnrealUnits (UU).

Or let's take another situation as an example: "How was your day?"
You'll most likely answer something like this:

"I woke up, jumped out of the window in the third floor to take a shortcut, lost 5hp because of the height, found and picked up a health vial, hijacked a vehicle, roadkilled 4-5 people, got out of the vehicle, had a multi kill with my Assault Rifle, died and respawned with 98 Adrenaline. I think that was all. I had a very productive day today."

So you see: Life would be way cooler!

LOL

EDIT: YAY! POST #1,000 and checklist updated

Don't get this too literally but you post like a wild motherf***er!

[Sly.]

Yeah, I know. I'm a spammy member :>

[Sly.]

Ever wondered how the BSP-Goblin looks like?
Here you go:

Now you know what the troublemaker looks like. Chase him! >:O


I hope you like this little caricature. I've never seen a picture of this "mapping legend" so I made one. I think it's quite amusing

[Infernus.]

Dun dun dun, BSP-Goblin

[GreatEmerald]

IIRC it's actually called UnrealEd goblin. Appears when you click '...' in Unreal II UnrealEd, for example.