Snowfall's Dexterity - A Fan fiction

[ChrisX]

Hello, readers. I have decided to start writing another Gears of War fan fiction. I've recently practiced writing snow-based fiction/events, and I'm going to take another try at it, with Gears. It feels good to write about Gears again, and I'm happy to put out another piece after such a long break.

Snowfall's Dexterity

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 "Wake Up" - Forum Page 1
Chapter 2 "Know Your Foes" - Forum Page 2
Chapter 3 "Haunted by Memories" - Forum Page 4
Chapter 4 "Discovery" - Forum Page 6
Chapter 5 "Venturing Further" - Forum Page 7

Enjoy.



--

Chapter 1: Wake Up

A cold sun began to set on the light cobalt horizon, turning a faint white day into a black snowy night. The city of Landown was quiet, the only noise which echoed throughout the city was the crisp sound of snow being crunched underfoot. Gears were about the city, doing their nightly patrol for locusts. The city fell silent shortly after the patrol was finished, and not only was the city devoured by silence, it was devoured by darkness.

Next morning…

Julius Warrdall, a practically forgotten Gear of Landown dropped himself onto his couch and picked up his remote, pointing it at his television to watch the Landown News for today. He held the small black remote in his rough hand tightly, but he didn’t turn it on yet. He looked at the time on his clock, 6:38 AM. He knew there were commercials on at this time, since he watched the news every day. The gear dropped the remote onto his smooth, worn down table in front of him.

A smell of maple syrup, fresh toasted toast and bacon was lurking throughout his home due to his breakfast he had eaten minutes before. The plate sat in front of him, only containing a few light-brown crumbs of toast, the glass dish had so many memories in it. It reminded him of his daughter, and wife who had both been killed by Locust around the happening of Emergence Day. They bought it for him for his thirty-first birthday. He still couldn’t believe that he survived such a gruesome experience.

After a few brief minutes, he lightly placed the plate onto the table. Letting out a sigh of sorrow, he rubbed his fuzzy head for a moment, they picked up the remote again and clicked on his television. Looking at his clock quickly, he realized the news had already started three minutes earlier. Not really minding it, he tuned in to the news.

“Now to a recent erupting story, two teenagers have been missing since late last night.”

The screen went to a snowy background with trees in the distance, where there was a heavily coated reporter who began speaking.

“In this area, the two teens, two males, were last seen playing with snow, late last night. We’ve tracked footsteps to the forest about thirteen yards from here. At the entrance to the woods, the boot tracks stopped. We are still unaware of what has happened to the two teenagers, but we are assuming it was some sort of abduction, or maybe the Locust have taken them. There are still myths about Locust taking humans as prisoners, maybe this is the event that proves it true.”

Locust. The word had seared a memory into his mind. His family and so many others died that day, he would not let those two innocent teenagers die. He abruptly stood up and stretched, letting out a gigantic yawn. Walking out of his room door, he grabbed his telephone and called the Landown Command Center, seconds went by, suddenly, a firm voice busted through the speaker.

“What the hell do you want?! Huh?! I cut you three weeks’a work, corporal. Today’s the day you start goin’ on patrol again,” yelled his sergeant, Sergeant Donald Clarence.

“Mind giving me a day or two off? I have some business to attend to,” replied Julius smoothly, he didn’t say sir any more, since he had lost all respect for his sergeant.

“What kind of business?!” Donald abruptly replied, lowering his tone a bit but still sounding angered.

“Those teens that got kidnapped, I wanna go see if the Locust got them, and I wanna find them,” The disrespected Gear said, pausing for an instant, “You have anybody on that yet?” he riposted crisply.
“I’ll give you one day, got that? No more, then you’re on patrol with new squad mates.”

“Alright.”

A beep ended the call, indicating their conversation was over. Julius put the phone down and walked back into his room to dress for such a task. He put on his ordinary COG Gear, it took him awhile longer than when he did put on his armor during patrol hours.

After he finished putting his armor on, he looked out of his room window. A light orange, sun let its beams loose as they glittered through the glass like an explosive fire, but peaceful. The suited up gear stretched for the final time and blinked, grabbing his plate of breakfast and putting it into his sink. Without further ado, he turned the dirty gold knob and opened the smooth and creaky door, shutting it behind him.

The first noise he heard was the crunch of fresh snow underfoot, like the noise of chewing. He shut his eyes as he moved forward, blocking the ever so light ball of ember that occupied the cool blue sky that morning.

Checking the time, about thirty minutes had passed since he turned on his television. Gears and citizens were out and about, making Landown noisier than usual. Julius could hear people talking about the ‘abduction’ but it didn’t sound like any significant information for him.

He trotted for another ten minutes, by buildings and other people. Eventually he arrived at the Landown Command Center, where he would encounter his Sergeant. He needed to be armed for anything.

The Gear entered the building, and the usual unwelcoming feeling entered his mind. Not caring, he walked into the armory, unspoken to, although he was looked at by staff members and workers, even a few other gears. The smell of coffee was an onrush of good smell, Julius loved it.

The door opened, presenting so many different COG weapons and choices. A large rack of Lancers took up about half of the left wall, and many other weapons were stocked in the room. He grabbed a snub pistol and put it in his holster, then grabbed a lancer and combat knife. The lancer’s blade shined of a newness Julius had barely ever seen. He put the combat dagger into it’s carrier and kept his lancer out. Not needing anything else from the armory, he left.

He began to walk for the exit, as he was stopped by his sergeant.

“Hey, I also lost a squad out there ‘round the same time those teens went missing. Keep a look out for them, actually was gonna ask you to go look for ‘em with a squad. I got a squad to go with ya, I’ll get ‘em in a sec, may’ve already seen them.”

“Alright, go get them for me,” Julius replied with a firm attitude.

Ugh, I don’t even need help.

In a matter of minutes, the sergeant came back with two Gears, helmets on.

“You the guy who never does patrol?” One of them asked, staring at the only Gear with his helmet off in the room.

Without responding, Julius put on a dirty look, staring at the two Gears.

“Oh, and by the way, Private John Landrod, call me Sneaks,” the Gear added, looking around.

“I’m Private First Class Rob Bryant, you can call me Rob, sir,” the other Gear said, shutting up immediately after he finished speaking.

“You’re gonna be workin’ with these two. I’m sure you’ll be fine, we gotta find that squad, not like there’ll be Locust, they haven’t attacked for awhile,” stated Donald, practically shooing them out.

Nobody else spoke. Instead, the three gears proceeded outside, and Donald went back to sipping coffee in his office.

Outside…

“When are we gonna head out there?” asked Sneaks, sending a questioning look towards Julius.

“We’ll head over now, rather get an early start, besides. We have a whole day to look for them.”

“Alright, let’s go then.”

All three of them walked in the direction towards the forest, snow crunching underfoot.

Shortly into the woods…

A landscape full of cars, trucks, buildings and barricades turned into a pale forest, even with the conifer trees that overtook it. The green wasn’t an enriched green, more like a dead green.

Julius approached the forest entrance, slowly stepping forward as he gazed into the distance. Not a threat in sight. The three Gears entered the forestry. In almost seconds, a light, sunny but cold day turned into a dark, snow-filled area of desolation. It smelled of trees and wood. The sun was not visible any more, and the city was miles back.

Although the forest wasn’t very dark, it seemed a lot darker. Visibility wasn’t too limited, making it easy to see anything in the distance.

The three Gears progressed through the forest easily, hopping over downed trees, burnt fire wood and other various things. There was no sign of evidence of anybody, or anything passing by.

Then, an atrocious smell practically ambushed the three Gears as they approached a carcass. It looked like a human’s carcass, and reeked of death. Parasites were crawling throughout the corpse, decomposing what was left of the flesh.

“Dude, what is that?” asked Sneaks, looking away in disgust.

As Julius approached, he coughed a bit, due to the fact he wasn’t wearing a helmet. He identified the corpse quickly. It belonged to a human, and it looked like a teenager. He cursed under his breath, staring at the decaying body.

Suddenly, a grunt of fury came from behind the three Gears.

[Jay the Arbiter]

Oh wow! This is a great start!

I don't think I saw anything wrong, so good going!

Just a point of interest, but why are soldiers always portrayed as having daughters? Just something I've always noticed.

[ChrisX]

I'm not sure, maybe because their death can be more 'effective' or something on soldiers? I dunno.

Thanks for the review though Jay, I thought I did well. I will begin the second chapter later tonight.

[TheRealBigBoss]

Yeah, good start, into the woods we go...

As for Jays question, I considered this with Sgt. Anthony Marrs, I thought... ohh wow... his dead daughter, what a dull cliche... BORING!

But when I thought about it some more, well Tony's an older man, a family man, he's gotta have a least one kid right? And it's gotta be either a son, or a daughter. I already had Simon's son, Robbie in the story, so basically I didn't want to repeat myself, and so yeah, Tony gets a daughter, Amy. And it's really that simple.

Anyways, I gotta go make snow...

[ChrisX]

Thanks for the review. Yes, into the woods we go! Anything can happen there! *wink*

Good luck making snow, Boss.

[Jonesybites]

A cold sun began to set on the light cobalt horizon, turning a faint white day into a black snowy night. The city of Landown was quiet, the only noise which echoed throughout the city was the crisp sound of snow being crunched underfoot. Gears were about the city, doing their nightly patrol for locust.

Just a correction...Locusts.

They bought it for him for his 31st birthday. He still couldn’t believe that he survived suck a gruesome experience.

Such

Also, for being a stickler for detail, I don't know if parasites would be on a corpse in the freezing weather...

...otherwise, it's a good start...especially when he reiterates while sitting at home.

[ChrisX]

Thank you for the corrections Jonesy, I missed them.

Hmm, yeah now that I think of it, I don't think parasites would be decomposing a corpse in the winter. But, what decomposes bodies in the winter then?

[Jonesybites]

They go into rigor faster, that's for sure...and depending on the way they died, they may have an odor, but I doubt it. The only reason why the crew in the crashed Raven (in Snowblind) had an odor was because of the heat coming from the fire in the fallen KR...although that could probably be questionable too.

You could have it to where the bodies have been picked at by the local wildlife, such as Ravens/Crows, pack of dogs, especially since food is scarce. In JR, it mentioned several times about dogs that went feral, would scavenge for food.

[ChrisX]

Well, I guess animals scavenging from it works. Besides, a growl of fury behind them. Predict what it is.

[SKORGE]

The chapter looks great. Nothing that has not been corrected. Though the vibe I got was too chill, if you know what I mean. It seemed to have no sense of panic, no hardship. For example, it started off with the mention of Television. Now I'm sure they have electricity, although Television will cease to exist beyond Military requirements. That means, there won't be a news broadcast every night.

You see, times have changed. The world has changed. Television will have nothing on it, not even news, simply because no one thinks like that anymore. And the only news to go by now would be that of one or two small, small newspaper distributions. And even those would be rare, or that of the mouth.

Try and change that broadcast from television to a conversation, because rumors spread faster then news. Other then that, there was the sense of Julius using a toaster, among other tools to cook his food. I'm not sure I got the gist of the time-line right, but it seems as if most comforts are available to him. How so?

Yeah, besides that, the chapter was nice. Keep going, and let's see you finish this one, eh? Keep it coming, it's roused some questions. Disrespecting that Sergeant eh? Wounder why.

[ChrisX]

Thanks for the review SKORGE, was waiting to see what you thought.

I could try to change it to hearing rumors, not sure yet.

It's only the introduction, so I wanted to set a chill vibe. Don't worry, it'll be gone ASAP. Possible as in next chapter.

He wasn't supplied with any technologically advanced supplies, and he was pretty much "retired" from the COG for awhile, sucks for him, eh? Pretty much a broke gear, only allowed in the city since he has nowhere else to go, and he took a long break from patrol.

It's based around the time of the attack on Landown, earlier, though.

The reason for the disrespect between the two of them will be revealed later on.

And, the news would be on since it's "Landown Local News" pretty much, and it announces the military conditions, battles and etcetera, and since it's a 'chill' period in Landown, what's wrong with having the news? Sure, it'll probably be off the second Landown is invaded, but I think it's fine. What do you think?

Thanks for the review SKORGE, I appreciate it a lot. Working on Chapter 2 as I type this.

P.S I will try my hardest to finish this one.

[SKORGE]

Oh so this is right before the Winter of Sorrow eh? I see, well the electricity seems to work out after all. Still not too sure about the television. Anyway, no problem, and you better finish this one.

[ChrisX]

Yeah, I'm aiming to end it around the time of the Winter of Sorrow.

Meh, television won't really be around in any other parts of the fiction for all I know.

[SKORGE]

Ah I see. I just thought it was strange to see him is such relaxation while most of the world was in hell and eating rats, while he ate toast. xD

[ChrisX]

Haha, yeah.

Chapter 2 is a work in progress, it's a unique attacker.

[SKORGE]

Alright, will wait for it.

'Unique attacker' eh?

[Jay the Arbiter]

A Bear in a Fez!

Eh, guess I always went for "Like Father, Like Son"

[rusticangelic]

oooh a sound behind them.... waiting eagerly for the next part -drumming my fingers impatiently against the laptop- take your time

[ChrisX]

Just got home from a trick session with friends (biking) so I'm free to write.

[ChrisX]

Chapter 2: Know Your Foes

An agonizing pain jolted through Julius’ back as he was thrown onto the ground before he could even realize what had just attacked him.

“What the?!” screamed one of the Gears, Julius was unable to identify him at the time.

Julius rolled over as fast as possible, and he had then seen something he had never seen in his entire life. Not during Emergence Day, never.

Standing on its two hind legs, bearing its claws was a glowing beast… a bear.

Bestowed upon it was yellow lava, seeping out of slices in the gigantic beast’s back. Its eyes also glowed a bright yellow, burning Julius’ soul as he stared at it.

The radiating bear immediately shifted focus, mauling Sneaks with absolute power. The confused Gear went flying into a conifer tree, letting out a cry of pain as he slammed into it.

Mere seconds after Sneaks had been mangled, Rob began to spray lancer bullets into the savage animal to no avail. Instead, it charged in Rob’s direction. The rook dodged the fearsome attack, dropping his lancer, then stumbling onto the ground. The immobilized gear tried to crawl over to his weapon and unleash hell with his chainsaw, but it was impossible unless the animal didn‘t charge. Julius quickly drew his snub pistol with expertise, firing an entire clip into the beast’s behind.

The bear turned around, focusing on Julius. This gave Rob enough time to grab his lancer, and get ready to move in for the kill. A warm crimson blood seeped out of the maul wound on Julius’ back, making him wince in pain. The blood melted some snow under it, as if it were fire, consuming ice.

Letting out another groan of ferocity, the bear turned around when it heard the revving of Rob’s chainsaw. It bared its bloody, dirty teeth. There was no way Rob had any chance of dodging this angered charge.

Julius moved as fast as he could, trying to ignore his fatal wound on his back, as he grabbed his combat knife. Trying to get a perfect aim, he threw the knife in the bear’s direction. It hit the lower back of the beast, creating a fatal injury. Where the dagger had sliced through, was imulsion, seeping out of the large gash. It dripped onto the snow, melting it in not even a second.

The animal was now enraged. It let our a roar and slammed into Rob, sending him ten feet away. Savagely, the beast went over to Sneaks, getting ready to kill him as he was knocked out. Getting closer, there was nothing Julius could do, but watch. Watch another Gear die.

Without warning, Sneaks shifted, picked up the lancer that was inches away from him and revved it with vengeance. He immediately shoved it through the bear’s chest, spewing immulsion everywhere in sight. The gear let out a battle cry as he sawed practically clean through the bear. The pieces of the bear’s corpse were scattered around the area, glowing yellow. The blades of the chainsaw began to glow, and all around Sneaks was burning yellow immulsion. He quickly jumped up and darted over to Julius.

“Sh*t man, why the hell did that thing have immulsion in it? How?” blurted Sneaks as he stopped in front of his fellow injured gear. He helped him up.

“Take a look at this wound for me? Hurts.” spoke Julius, not paying attention to what Sneaks had asked.

“Will do, brah.”

“I’m not your ‘brah’,” Julius sighed and then spoke once more, “How’s the gash?”

“Pretty bad man, might wanna see a-” Sneaks was unable to finish his sentence, he was interrupted.

“We don’t have time for that! Patch me up, so we can see how the rook is and get going!” yelled the injured gear promptly. The in-experienced Gear in medical inspected and poked at the cut, but as he did, more balmy vermillion blood leaked out. It looked like there was a bit of immulsion in the blood, but it didn’t matter or appose any danger in Sneaks’ eyes. Covering the wound first, he tried to stop as much from as possible from leaking out.

He could feel the heat of the gory liquid as it collided into the other side of the cloth he was now pressing onto the wound. Quickly closing the cut, he put a bandage over it and called out “Done.”

Without speaking another word, Julius covered the wound-dressing with his armor and he began to walk over to Rob. What was left of the snow in the vicinity was weak, melting into the frozen ground that was located under the snowfall that had probably been there for ages. It was a change to see for the two gears, they were so used to snow that they had forgotten what regular earth and soil looked like.

The two soldiers arrived at Rob’s sleeping body. He was still knocked out, and his head was turned sideways.

“Alright, let’s set up camp for the night in an open area, need to stay away from Kryll,” stated Julius, picking Rob up.

“A hundred yards ahead looks perfect, you think?” Sneaks replied, gazing into the distance.

“Yeah, let’s get over there quickly, then go look for some food for the night. Before we know it, that sun overhead will be gone.”

Nightfall…

With a quick grunt, Julius placed Rob’s still unconscious body onto the cold, now dark, snow. The sky was now very dark, and a faint noise stirred in the distance. He could easily identify the noise, Kryll. The Gear reached into his satchel and took out a flare, then lit it and placed it on the ground of their camp site.

This certain device was not used for distress calls, instead, it had been issued to gears who went on nightly missions in the wilderness for protection against Kryll. It sparkled in the pitch black dark that had consumed all vulnerable, including the entire forest which was now practically and abyss.

Rob’s body stirred as he was on the ground. The snow crunched under him as he squirmed. Julius and Sneaks both shifted their attention to him, and without warning both of the gears began to shake his shoulders to keep him awake.

“Wha-… what happened?” he croaked, looking around the vicinity then to his two fellow Gears. As he spoke, they could see that his teeth and gums had been damaged in the battle, along with his left arm.

“We got attacked by a-”

“Yeah, I know what we got attacked by, some sort of mutant bear thing, okay, but what happened to me?”

“The thing slammed into you, then you hit a tree and blacked out man. How bad are your injuries?” responded Sneaks, looking at Rob’s arm with confusion.

“My arm feels like the upper area of it is broken, and I have some mouth and lip bleeding, but I don’t think it’s too bad.”

“Where are we?” He added.

“A hundred or so yards from where that bear attacked us at, best place to stay safe from Kryll, besides we have a flare,” replied Julius as he sifted through his fair-sized satchel. He took a boltok pistol out of his pocket and handed it to Rob.

“Lost your lancer back there, guess we forgot it, that’ll keep you safe until we can get back tomorrow,” spoke Julius, returning to sifting through his satchel immediately after he finished speaking.

“Well, who has flare du-”

Before one of the gears could finish their sentence, a bolt-action shot rang out in the area, as a lengthy bullet whizzed by Sneaks’ face, he didn’t have time to dodge it. It luckily missed.

All three of the Gears slammed into the ground and set up cover behind various boulders and trees close to their flare. Although it was dark out, the area around their campsite was relatively lighter, so a humanoid could survive near them.

Julius popped his head above the large boulder he stood crouched behind. About ten yards in front of them he spotted a large weapon pointing in his direction. The second he saw this, the gear ducked back down again, allowing a bullet to fly by overhead.

“Sh*t, it a stranded, a locust, or what?” blurted out Sneaks, standing stiff behind a thick tree trunk.

Nobody responded, but curiosity pondered all three of their minds as they stayed behind the cover to keep from having their heads blown off.

Julius peeked his head out again, as he was able to spot a dirty-white figure aiming towards Rob. The Gear already knew what it was, it was easily identifiable by its mutant look and tall figure. It was a locust.

And as he gazed further into the distance, he realized it wasn’t alone.

[Jonesybites]

Bummer...sux to be them, lol.

[ChrisX]

Yeah, three gears, alone in the forest, up against anything they'd hope not to ever encounter, maybe some things they can't hope to not encounter because they've never seen them? Haha.

Any spelling or grammatical errors I may have missed?

[Jonesybites]

...and they just got smacked around by a bear..most people don't live from those maulings...

I didn't see any that stood out for me this time...maybe the others will catch some, if any.

[ChrisX]

Ah, alright, thanks for the review.

Oh, and they're gears, so they'll live a bear attack, but now they have to go on, yes. Sucks to be them.

[Jonesybites]

They have armor, that's why they survived...the ladder I was referring to tourists, lol...cause they taste better,

[TheRealBigBoss]

Finally! The mutant bear thing! Raaawwrrr!

Didn't notice any major errors. Maybe the overuse of "fatal", a fatal wound is a wound that kills, so it was odd that the knife in the bear was considered fatal. But other than that, I didn't really notice anything. Anyways, good chapter Chris.

[ChrisX]

Haha, yup. I'm sure if it was only Julius he would've died. There's a slim chance he could've killed a bear, maybe if he slammed his chainsaw through it immediately, lol.

Edit: Thanks for the review Boss. Yeah, I couldn't find any other words to replace fatal. Heh. Working on Chapter 3 now, but I won't be able to finish until late tomorrow or Wednesday.

[SKORGE]

Hey nice chapter, was pretty short though. Not a problem really. Anyway, when the bear was chainsawed, how was it that the none of the Imulsion poured onto the Gear? I mean, it was literally being ripped right, so am I missing something?

Other then that, I think it was great. It was just that[part that had be confused.

[ChrisX]

Well, he stabbed it through the upper chest, not the stomach area, where a lot of the imulsion was most likely located. Just what I thought, but if the bear was like, oozing imulsion out of its mouth then maybe a lot of it would've spewed out. I may change that, not sure yet.

The chapter was relatively short, yes, but I wanted to keep it to a 3 page limit, and at that point I didn't really have much more to add, so I ended it a bit earlier than a complete three pages.

Chapter three I will make longer, I wanted to cliff-hang this chapter as well.

[SKORGE]

Ah, alright. And in your little story world - this bear was infected with the Imulsion that can change species right? Where as, not like the other Wretches, rather more like the Gears three Lambent?

This chapter reminds me of Red Dead Redemption. A bear attacked my horse instead of all of the other three hundred US Military horses running in line ahead of me. .... >.>

[Jay the Arbiter]

Do you know what the chapter reminds me of? That bit in Condemned 2 when you're running away from the Zombie Bear in the log cabin, that was scary!

Anyhow, good chapter!

[ChrisX]

Thanks Jay. I've never played Condemned, I almost picked it up once, but didn't.

Working on Chapter 3 now.

EDIT: Skorge, the imulsion can change the genes, DNA and characteristics of an animal or person, like, giving them increased strength or something of that sort. So, the bear, was stronger than a bear, and it was kind of 'infected'. Lambent animals and humanoids are pretty much 'infected' if they have imulsion 'poisoning' I guess? I think that's an appropriate label.

[ChrisX]

Chapter 3: Haunted by Memories

A group of drones and a sniper or two huddled around a short vicinity as they fired shots at their enemies. The gears fired bullets blindly in the direction of the locusts, but barely even hit one of them.

“Sneaks, flank them from the left, I’ll distract them and lay down covering fire. Rob, keep the sniper on the left busy,” spoke Julius, loud enough for the two others to hear him.

“Three… two… one…”

Julius stood up and began to spray bullets into the crowd of pale brutes. A good portion of his bullets pierced their tough skin, making an incredibly dark blood spew all over the place. Immediately, almost all of the monsters focused on the helmet-less Gear crouched behind a boulder.

The only one of the locusts that didn’t look towards the direction lancer fire was coming from was the one sniper on the left. Instead, the goggled beast aimed in Rob’s direction, periodically shooting at the Gear’s head. It was hit by five boltok rounds now, and its shoulders were bleeding, turning from a pale and dark white to a crimson shade.

The terrified Gear kept firing in the sniper’s direction, keeping it distracted. The noise of Hammerbursts and Longshots being fired echoed throughout the forest, turning silence into ruckus.

“Ugh, when is that Gear gonna flank them already,” muttured Julius under his breath as he fired some bullets at a weak-looking drone that had began to stumble and fall to the ground trying to strafe.

Seconds later, Lancer bullets began to hammer the mob of locusts from their left, making them roar cries of battle. A few of them looked into towards Sneaks once they noticed how much damage he was doing to their troops. Finally, one of the creatures let out a groan of agony as it slammed into the ground, blood spewing from wounds that were located all over its body.

Bullets were now occupying the area almost completely, flying in many various directions. All three of the gears had minor injuries, but they weren’t bad enough to stop them from battling their hearts out. Nor did any of the locusts that practically endlessly pummeled them with bullets.

Julius stayed focused, keeping a steady aim as he precisely fired bullets in the direction of the same drone that was on the ground but still holding its hammer burst.

Crouching back into cover, the gear reloaded then looked into Rob’s direction. The COG soldier let out groans of pain as he gripped his hand. It was bleeding heavily, staining the once blue gauntlet that covered the wound.

Julius was about to run over, then noticed that it would be an incredibly risky move, that could get him killed in a second. He popped his head up and glanced towards his enemies, that were firing in his direction, and Sneaks’.

“Sir, help me… please, the pain is killing me! I can’t do sh*t without-” Rob screamed in agony before he could finish his sentence. His hand was in tact, but a bullet had gone through the back of his palm, making a small gap that gushed a river of thick blood.

“Sneaks! Move back and get some more damn covering fire out! Rob got hit!” yelled Julius over the incredibly loud noise of guns unleashing bullets and bullets that pierced through the air.

“Will do!” responded Sneaks, screaming as he walked backwards laying down support.

Julius wasted no time, he quickly dove to his left, then sprinted towards the injured Gear.

“What the hell happened?” asked Julius as loud as he could, grabbing the bloody wound and closing it with his own two hands. He did not mind the blood leaking onto his gloves.

The warm, think liquid covered both of his hands in second as he tried to stop the blood from leaking out. The Gear looked for his satchel, which had medical supplies in it. Realizing it was back where he had been taking cover at, looked up quick. Seeing bullets being fired from close to him, he ducked back down, barely avoiding another bullet.

“Sneaks, I need a f*cking bandage!” cried Julius over the still-loud gunfire that engulfed and devoured almost every other sound that erupted in the area.

“A’ight! I’ll toss ya my med kit! Over here!”

Julius poked more of his upper body out this time, looking in Sneaks’ direction. A small white box with a faded red flew throughout the air, luckily not being hit by bullets. It landed a short distance in front of them, but before Julius could make a grab for the box, a bullet collided with his left shoulder and immediately pierced his body armor and skin.

Letting out a scream of agony, the gear clenched his shoulder with his left hand, wincing in pure pain

“F*ck!” Julius yelled, incredibly loud, staring at his wound. It felt as if somebody had shoved burning immulsion through his shoulder multiple times. The pain was so excruciating, the Gear collapsed to the ground. The bullet was still in his shoulder, it had ripped through multiple tissue and muscle. Slamming into the snowy ground hard, he closed his eyes, then opened them faintly. Two gears spraying bullets out of sight was the last thing Julius saw, as he blacked out.

Flashback…

Flames crackled throughout the burning building, creating an unbearable heat that devoured the oxygen in the air. Black smoke occupied a dark, brown sky as cries of fear and the sound of gunshots ringing out echoed throughout the scorching city.

Julius picked himself up, letting out a dozen hacking coughs, squinting his eyes at the heat. He looked around, seeing the corpses of his squad all over the apartment building. The mission to rescue his daughter and wife had been failed, they were too late.

The surviving gear’s entire right shoulder was incredibly burnt, the fire had turned the once tough skin to practical ashes, darker than a faint winter night.

Thick smoke clung to this throat, stopping him from speaking or anything, he also had a constant cough. The gear stared at his bad burn, searing with an intense amount of agony that paralyzed his once movable arm.

It was all his fault that he had gotten his squad killed. He begged his sergeant in command of three of their search squads to let them evacuate the building, since they’d already been there long enough. So they did.

Julius cursed in his mind, asking numerous questions to himself. He mouthed them, and finally he spoke one of his questions.

“Why’d… he,” the gear paused, letting out numerous coughs, then continued. “…have to make us evac… so-… many,” Julius knew the sergeant was making them overwork themselves since the other squad was doing a more important step in their mission. Apparently, evacuating the richer. Therefore, his squad had to evacuate the last two buildings on the block, and get as many civilians out as possible. Little did any of the gears know the locusts would have appeared so hastily.

Cracked and destroy concrete littered the ground, along with other items used in homes that weren’t wrecked in the attack. Not only were items on the ground, but there were two emergence holes surrounding the building.

Julius still wondered what the locusts were, and why they were attacking. So many unanswered questions swarmed the confused, and quite inexperienced gear’s mind.

He let out a sob, remembering his dead family, collapsing to the ground. Tears dripped from his eyes that glowed with sorrow. The gear figured he had no way of survival, since he barely knew where he was. The entire two-story building gave way without warning.

A loud roar echoed from behind Julius, making him spin around and gape at what was behind him, about to strike. It was a drone, carrying a light red hammer burst that shined in the flames. The brute’s pale white skin was slightly darker than the usual, and it had a scowl of evil engulfing its face.

The gear did not waste any time and began to sprint in the other direction. Hopping over the bloody and scorched corpses of his squad mates. The drone began to spray bullets in his direction, they whizzed by. Julius dove forward, almost being hit by a shot that would’ve killed him. He felt lucky, until he spotted a dead end short in front of him. Immediately, he took a left and began to get onto the road that was now cracked and full of huge holes.

Suddenly, he heard a noise that almost jolted his sorrowful and fearful mood to a pure joy. He heard a King Raven, above him. It was close, to him, making dust and other particles fly up into the air. The visibility diminished, making the gear pause. The drone was still firing, almost hitting Julius a few times, our of sheer luck.

The gear looked up and spotted the sergeant of his three squads. He could identify the old COG soldier by looking at his wrinkled, cocky, and pale face.

“Help me! Please!” Julius screamed, stumbling on concrete as the King Raven began to move away. He kept screaming, but got no response. Instead, the sergeant just looked at him, as the helicopter slowly moved away.

“No! Stop!” he screamed once again, but it was too late. The visibility returned, and the Raven vanished into the dark, burnt sky.

The gear kept sprinting, and was hit by a few bullets. They were absorbed by his body armor. But Julius knew that he was doomed. No more Ravens were in the sky, and the angered growl of the drone came closer to him.

But when he thought all was lost, a battle cry of a human, a gear, came from far behind them. Turning around, Julius spotted a gear with a lancer in hand. He wasn’t wearing a helmet, and had a fierce expression. The drone turned around as well, and tried to fire but was too late, instead, the mysterious gear shoved his chainsaw through the locust’s stomach. A scream of agony pierced the air, as the brute dropped to the ground with a loud thump. Thick crimson blood poured out of its stomach, staining the gray concrete under the corpse.

“Who the hell are you? Where’s ya’ damn squad?” spoke the gear, relaxing his battle stance.

“I’m Private, uh, Julius w- Warrdall,” he replied, looking back at his wound. “My squad is all dead, and that bird forgot to pick me up. My-, my sergeant was in there though. He was in charge of two other squads and mine.”

“Who are you?”

“Name’s Colt, I’ll tell ya more later, but I got a way to get us the hell outta here,” he paused, “Follow me.”

And so Julius did. They walked by destroyed buildings, collapsed and on fire. Suddenly, he spotted a small body on the ground near a fire, and it had blood all over the arms of it.

“Hold up.”

Julius ran over to the corpse as quickly as possible. He quickly identified it to be the corpse of a girl. He inspected the face, then realized something. It was his daughter.

The Gear began to break down crying. He didn’t mind that Colt was around either. He pressed his tough forehead against her body delicately and sobbed into it, hugging her as if she was still alive.

Her feet were scorched and there was blood all over her body. There was a single bullet hole on her upper and inner back. The area where her lungs and heart was. Her hands were also bloodied, but it didn’t look like it was from her wound.

Julius stayed sobbing, and cursing. He brought his head up and stared at Colt. The corporal stared in silence, honoring the death of his daughter, although he looked like he wanted his fellow gear to hurry up.

The sorrowful COG soldier looked up from his daughter’s corpse, and noticed a taller, female adult corpse about ten feet away. Practically in the remains of a burning building. After kissing his daughter’s dead body once more, he stood up and he cried, already knowing that it was his wife’s corpse. He jogged over immediately and hugged her.

“A...Amanda," he sobbed, clenching her body to his chest. She had three wounds, one in her arm and two in her back. Her shirt was a bloody mess and so was the concrete under her.

“Sorry man, but we gotta get going if we wanna get outta here in one piece,” spoke Colt, keeping his same expression.

Julius turned around. “I… I can’t…” he sobbed into her corpse once more, hugging it just as before. He didn’t even mind the blood that still leaked out of her body. The Gear felt as if he couldn’t leave her corpse behind, but he knew that both his daughter and wife had passed on. If he didn’t get out soon, he’d be dead just like them.

Kissing her cheek one last time, Julius stood up and looked at Colt, trying to stop himself from crying.

“Let’s… lu… lu… let’s go, we need to… to leave,” he sobbed, sniffling once then coughing.

The two wounded gears sprinted up hill as fast as they could, boots colliding with the broken concrete and kicking around destroyed items along with chunks of concrete all over the road.

After about fifteen minutes of jogging, they reached their destination. A King Raven sat on the destroyed road, as four COG soldiers loaded into it. Colt and Julius waved their hands to catch the attention of the pilot. Luckily, they did and quickly sprinted to the Raven.

“You guys see anyone else?” asked one of the Gears in the helicopter.

“Nope.”

“You’re lucky, I’m thinkin’ this place’ll blow soon.”

“Damn, that’s a bad little burn you got there,” he added, looking at Julius’ shoulder.

Nobody else spoke as the King Raven lifted off and flew away from the small, destroyed city. Within seconds, an explosion went off and started a chain reaction. They could see locusts crawling out of emergence holes under them and firing, but it did nothing.

Back in conscience…

A hazy world entered his sights as Julius awoke, he was unable to move, and he could taste blood in his mouth.

[SKORGE]

helmet-less gear crouched

Capital 'G' for Gear.

It was hit by five boltoks bullets now,

This sounds odd, and aside from that, take the 'S' off of Boltok. And I might change 'bullets' into 'rounds'. that might do the job better.

The terrified gear

Capital 'G' once again brah. Change all the gears into Gears.

The noise of hammer bursts

Hammerburst is one word. Spell check tends to split it.

lancer

Capital 'L' for Lancer.

making them let out battle cries.

This is odd. Maybe change it to 'Making them roar their battle-cries.'?

A few of them looked into Sneaks’ direction once they noticed how much damage he was doing to their troops

Again, sounds odd. Might want to change it something like this...

A few of them turned their gaze toward Sneaks’ direction, realizing the damage he was causing among their troops.

but they weren’t bad enough to stop them from battling their hearts out

The wording sounds off. I don't know if 'battling their hearts out' is the right choice.

“Sir, help me… please, the pain is so excruciating, I can’t do sh*t without-”

Excruciating is not the right word for this scene. He's in too much pain to be intelligent with his words. Thus it seems out of place as he swears right after saying this. So change it up eh?

Flashback…

Replace this with a ....

****

.... and triple space to give indication of when the story begins.

right shoulders was

Get rid of the 'S'.

The mission to rescue his daughter and wife had been failed

Get rid of 'been'.

locusts

Capital 'L' for Locust.

“My squad is all dead, and that King Raven didn’t pick me up

This part sounded kind of whiny on behalf of Julius. The part where he says 'and that King Raven didn't pick me up' made it more whining then anger. Maybe replace it so that it's more anger and confusion then anything else? Like this perhaps?

“My squad is all dead, and that bird forgot me...

Yes, no? Does it work?

And so Julius did. They walked by destroyed buildings, collapsed and on fire. Suddenly, he spotted a small body on the ground near a fire, and it had blood all over the arms of it.

This seems kind of dry. Spice it up, they didn't walk over bodies, they had to sprint over bodies. Climb over bodies, crawl through the debris.... Know what I mean?

He jogged over immediately and hugged her

Give him some dialog. Something with anguish. Kind of like the Dom scene - but with less 'No'.

After kissing his daughter’s dead body once more, he stood up and he cried once more

Repetitive use of 'Once more'. Also, change it up by saying that instead of crying again, he let what little he had composed of himself - out.

“Let’s… lu… lu… let’s go, we need to… to leave,” he sobbed, sniffling once then coughing.

Lu?

Back in conscience…

Refer to the other note




Alright, this chapter was good. Although I caught a lot of these. For some reason you let these slip out of the gate. I guess having to write all of this must have really been tiring eh Chris? The chapter itself was great, and you did a nice job on it. So continue and don't fret...... All of this is like one paragraph of errors in my fictions....

[ChrisX]

Thanks for the corrections SKORGE.

Yeah, I felt like I had some awkwardly worded sentences in there. And yeah, I always tend to not type 'Gears' or 'Lancer' capitalized.

The 'lu' sound is a 'luh' but when I did a repetition of l's it looked sort of awkward to me.

Instead of using the stars, I think I shall bold it, to make it stick out more.

Thanks for the review you once again. That's a lot more writing consecutively than I do usually, eh? I'll edit my errors as soon as I can.

[SKORGE]

No worries, as I said - that didn't even reach my record which is every line must have something terribly wrong in it. What do you mean bolding it? Are you going to bold the flashback? Don't do that, trust me - the stars work better then bolding the words.

[ChrisX]

I mean, bolding the "Flashback..." part. Not sure, I like it better like that.

Well, off to correcting. Heh.

[SKORGE]

I mean, bolding the "Flashback..." part. Not sure, I like it better like that.

Well, off to correcting. Heh.

Try it out, I still say the stars would have worked. Though play around with it and see what fits and what doesn't.

[ChrisX]

I did, and I like it more.

Also made most of my corrections, still need to capitalize some Gears in this chapter and the two others.

[SKORGE]

I did, and I like it more.

Also made most of my corrections, still need to capitalize some Gears in this chapter and the two others.

Yeah, I guess that works eh?