Harbinger [Asgard Fan Fic] Now Completely Posted

[by_who]

Wonderful novel. I like the cliffhanger. It ventures out from the basics of book endings. It points out that happily ever after is a myth. I do believe that a few more chapters involving Marks and his dramatic escape from the asylum of hell would have been awesome, but like I said, happily ever after is a myth.

I mainly like your work because it has great grammar. If some of the newer FF's had good grammar, I might consider reading them. That's always important, grammar. When a piece of writing has bad grammar, that's all the reader can focus on, and the plot become lost....

Don't know if my opinion means much though.

[Black Asgard]

actually, I really appreciate it. I think the sheer volume of it scared off potential readers, so I havent recieved much in the way of opinions.

[StarPilot]

*goes to "Rate Thread" drop down menu*

*clicks 5 stars "Excellent"*

I have nothing else to say, it was just that, "Excellent".

[Jfab]

I would do that also If I wasnt blind

[erslincoln]

Great job.

Apart from some grammatical, typographical, and word usage errors, it was a fantastic read. I do remember having read that you hadn't had time to comb through it for errors, and edit, so I won't give you too much $hit for it.

Having said that, I spent the last two days in my downtime at work reading it, to the point that my boss kept asking me if something was wrong because I was so quiet.

The gist of what I'm saying is that I loved it. It was fun and fast-moving.

The one thing I'd like to see you work on is your environmental descriptions. While it's easy to get an overall concept of what you were trying to put in our minds, I felt it was difficult to see the scene through your eyes, and kept having to redraw what my imagination had formed from the scenery descriptions.

For example, when you were talking about the hive, in my mind, it was a few hundred feet across and resembled a large missile silo in shape, similar to Zion on the Matrix.

That was just my mind's eye. Not sure if that's what you were depicting, or not, but that's what I saw.

Basically, for a guy like me, I either need dimensions, or comparisons. For instance, when you described the wretches in the sense that they were about the size of dogs, that really helps the reader get a concept of size.

Anyway, don't lose hope, bud. Great writing. I really enjoyed the read, and I'm sad we won't see more installments.

[Black Asgard]

thanks for the comment and suggestions.

When they reached the hive, I was exhausted and depressed and miserable. I had been writing 3-5 thousand words a day, and it was beat-down time before exam review began, and I was absolutely drained.

The Hive was in fact like Zion, a large vertical shaft, lined around the side with one long and winding descending ramp. Small hovels in the wall, just small enough for a few locust to curl up inside made up the residential system, and the chains in the center led to a few bridges that spanned the shaft, allowing for quick movement up and down the shaft so that one wouldnt have to take the ramp.

I knew that by that chapter I was slowing down, but hopefully the last few with the hammers, and the very last chapter all made up for the lacking in 16 and 17.

[IKHAN1192]

i woke up, realized i wasnt grounded anymore and came to this forum and saw yer new sig and i was like OMFG READ IT so i spend my day reading one of the greatest stories ever. No joke this was amazing. I HATE cliffhanger endings lol cuz i always need closure. this was awesome, good luck on any future writings i cant write my fan fic cuz i have too much stuff for school to do so i dont get held back >.< anyway gj

[Jfab]

guess what I just did?

[Black Asgard]

thanks, IKHAN

Jfab, I suppose that you probably killed Rfab with a rusty butter knife and buried him underneath the Buffalo, New York police station next to jimmy hoffa.

correct?

[WaldoRtk7]

No Jimmy hoffa is in Colorado Springs buried in my brother's backyard.

[Black Asgard]

go whimper, weeping waldo, I saw Jfab kill him and bury him.

[WaldoRtk7]

you can't just kill the anti-pwner god?!

[Black Asgard]

When I deem that it is time, I will end his life.

weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo weeping waldo

[Jfab]

thanks, IKHAN

Jfab, I suppose that you probably killed Rfab with a rusty butter knife and buried him underneath the Buffalo, New York police station next to jimmy hoffa.

correct?

yea, man I knew I shouldnt have buried him that close to your house

[Carnage Soldier]

hahahahaha

[Black Asgard]

I added a poll to the thread for rating it. I tried to make it as specific as possible, so please be honest.


Also, that Table of Contents is a beast!

[WaldoRtk7]

Boost to the front page. *Important Thread*

[MRFUNKEFUL]

Dude this is the best book of gears i've ever ******* read.

[Black Asgard]

and the only gears book.

[SnowBallin]

That was...excellent. You weren't kidding when you said book, wow. Do you have any other projects going on?

[Black Asgard]

Im working on my third novel, as well as a universe building project with a few other young authors.

How much did you read?

[SnowBallin]

I'm about halfway through so far.

[Black Asgard]

cool, keep me posted on what you think

[Jfab]

have your eyes popped out of your head yet?

[Black Asgard]

if you've read any or all of this, please tell me what you think!

and dont forget to vote :-D

[SnowBallin]

When I can count the veins in my eyes I know it's time to take a break.

[Jfab]

or how red your eyes are

[Black Asgard]

Jfab, you know your eyes are red because of what we call "college-activities".

stop putting onion glasses on!

[WaldoRtk7]

Black Asgard: An author who is loved and admired by the most people in this community. He has written 2 great fan-fics, and a novel ( I haven't read the novel yet). New Authors, if you are looking for the someone who can paint a picture so vibrant and beautiful with words. Than this is him, though at some points I wish there was less of a picture so my imagination could work, but he will enlighten and create a world that rivals that of Tolkien but Gears of War style. He is my friend and I wish him the best in his endevors, may someday we actually co-op a story.

[The Evil Hat]

Black Asgard: An author who is loved and admired by the most people in this community. He has written 2 great fan-fics, and a novel ( I haven't read the novel yet. New Authors, if you are looking for the someone who can paint a picture so vibrant and beautiful with words. Than this is him, though at some points I wish there was less of a picture so my imagination could work, but he will enlighten and create a world that rivals that of Tolkien but Gears of War style. He is my friend and I wish him the best in his endevors, may someday we actually co-op a story.

i 100% agree with everyhting here

[Black Asgard]

aw, shucks. And waldo, I'd kick your ass at co-op.

thanks

[WaldoRtk7]

Lol, I meant writing Co-op!

[Black Asgard]

Still, I'd kick your ass at co-op. lol.

And maybe. Maybe after Father's Eye.

[WaldoRtk7]

lol, it will be off here though to many noobs raping the forum. need a good working evironment.

[Black Asgard]

yeah, true.

Brainstorm: tell two sides of the same tale?

bring on a new 'golden age' with the sheer awesomeness?

[Tmack674]

i dont know black,it would be almost near impossible to get a new golden age.really it would be very hard

[Black Asgard]

its me and waldo we're talking about. Me and waldo.

its possible.

[WaldoRtk7]

Two sides of the same tale? That is crazy talk, but so crazy it just might work!

[Black Asgard]

well, if writing multiplayer matches can go over decently, I dont see why two incredibly talented authors cant paralell write. Different takes on the same subject.

you should read "Enders Game" and "Enders Shadow". brilliantly done.

[WaldoRtk7]

Lol, I will once I actually Finish Sons of a Witch! Damn book is good I just can't sit down and finish it.

What angle would we use? I mean I cover the stranded and their building rebellion, you covered the pendulum wars. We are running low on creative ideas.