Animus Is Done

[Jfab]

alright here is my first crack at a fan fic, please tear my a new one becuase I know im going to deserve it haha. Just be honest I not emotional to constructive criticism. Enjoy!

Animus

It had been ten long years since he had been thrown into prison. Ten years of his life that had been wasted, and for what? To follow in the footsteps of his father? To fight for something that he did not believe in? Goil Desipich had been used by his father as a pawn for political gain. He had been used like the countless other followers of the Coalition. He had been waiting for the day until he was set free. He had been counting the days until he could see his father again. Yes, to see his father again.
__________________________________________________ _______________

Alexi Desipich was always known as a wizard of speech and of the mind. As a child he had saved his country from oblivion when the neighboring country had declared war. He was sent with his father to try and persuade the country not to fight. His father had failed miserably in the negotiations and all had seemed lost. Alexi had requested an audience with the senate. His speech moved the senate so much that they withdrew the declaration of war and became allies with Alexi’s country.

He had just stepped inside his office after returning from giving a speech in Cevnich, a country to the north of Ephyra. He had thought it had been a thrilling speech, and as he turned on the television the country had thought the same as well. He laughed silently to himself, if only they knew his true goals. Alexi was hell-bent on world domination and nothing would stop him from completing his goal.

He drifted into a deep sleep in where he ruled Sera with his son by his right side. He suddenly was awakened from his sleep at the thought of his son. He had not seen his son in ten years. Ten long years. He had last seen his son at Jacinto Maximum Security Penitentiary. He had used his son. He abandoned his son at the Coalition rally in Jacinto. The Jacinto military had stormed the rally and arrested 500 coalition members. His son was one of the 500. Alexi had been waiting for the day his son was to be set free so he could embrace his son. Yes, embrace him as the prodigal son that had finally returned from exile.

Goil Deipich was being taken from his holding cell to the showers. He was finally being released from this hell hole. After his shower, he was led back to his cell where all of his belongings were returned. He dressed and was led to the release area of the prison. A AR-7i Sparrow Helicopter was waiting for him. It was painted black with the golden skull and cog on either side, it was the symbol that was synonymous with the Coalition. “Where to sir?” asked the pilot. “Coalition headquarters James,” said Goil. His voice had changed from a youthful, life loving voice, to a voice that was now cold and full of hatred.

Alexi had been briefed on his son’s release from prison and was escorted to the helipad on the roof of the newly built Coalition HQ. Alexi had been silently waiting for five minutes when Secretary of War Emanuel Cage broke the silence. “Sir, do you think that your son has changed?” Alexi thought about this statement for a moment, “Emanuel, I do not know if Goil had changed, I will love him as only a father can love a son, changed or not changed.”
As the Sparrow reached headquarters, Goil peered out of the helicopter and stole a glance at the building.

It was beautifully made. Made of the whitest stone in all of Sera, within each stone it looked like the mortar was made of gold. On top of the building rested the helipad that looked more like a garden than a helipad. Goil could sense his father on the pad. “1 minute until touchdown Sir,” the pilot announced. Goil suddenly felt nervous. Why? He thought to himself. Why should he be nervous? He should be angry he told himself. To finally look at the face of the man he called father, to look at that traitor in the eyes again. Suddenly the Sparrow touched down on the pad and he climbed out.

Alexi saw his son climb out of the helicopter and was stunned to see what Goil had become. He had grown about three inches, just as tall as his father Alexi thought. He had also aged and it showed. Goil was now 28 but looked like a man of 40 years. He had also added muscle to his previously frail physique. Also his head was shaved, which shocked his father. He remembered Goil had long auburn hair that was very beautiful. Alexi knew that his son would look different but was surprised to look at what Goil had become.

“Son, welcome back, we have missed you these past ten years,” Alexi exclaimed. Goil heard his father but knew that it was a empty statement. His father could not care less if he was gone 20 years. “Father I have missed you as well, it is good to see you,” they embraced each other, Alexi with a warm, loving embrace. Goil with a cold, stern embrace. Goil released himself from the embrace first and spoke “How is the Coalition father? I have not heard anything while inside prison.” Alexi beamed with pride that his son still thought of the Coalition even after all these years. “All will be explained in due time my son. For now we celebrate your return home.”

While walking back to his room, Goil was stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. He knew who is was and turned around with a smirk on his face. “Your still alive are you?” It was Emanuel. Emanuel had been Goil’s personal bodyguard when Goil was a child. Both men embraced each other. This embrace was warmer than the embrace Goil shared with his father. Emanuel looked at Goil up and downed and laughed, “You haven’t changed one bit have you?” Goil thought to himself how wrong Emanuel was, “Ah my old friend, I have changed a little.” “Yes you have changed, you aren’t as skinny as a twig and your voice has changed as well.” Goil laughed, “That’s what happens when you are in prison for ten years, all the joy escapes from you.” Goil and Emanuel embraced once more then parted ways.

Goil entered his room and stared around. He thought to himself how good life was before he entered prison. How much he had forgotten and how much technology had changed, how much the world had changed. Goil remembered when he entered prison that Aphor and Savnia were at war. Both of those countries had always been bitter enemies. He turned on the television to find out that both leaders of the countries had given peace a try and it was the 5th year of the ceasefire.

He also learned that Aphor had joined the Coalition. He smiled when he had learned of this. Aphor had always been a stern objector to the Coalition, but after the war with Savnia they had been torn by civil wars and civil unrest. The Coalition swooped into Aphor and brought peace once again to the most powerful country in Sera. Ephyra had also joined the Coalition, and with it brought the political capital of Sera with it, Jacinto. The Coalition was now becoming more powerful than anyone had previously thought. Goil knew that his father was in total ecstasy and thought that he was unstoppable. Goil thought let out a long sigh, fell on his bed and knew what had to be done

[Tmack674]

i really enjoyed it,i like it,its really good,nice descriptions

[Jfab]

thanks, anytihng to complain about?

[Tmack674]

i really dont think so

[Jfab]

lol seriously? i was thinking it was a alright fan fic, ah well black will find something

[The Evil Hat]

okay my review:
positives:
1. great plot and PoV! really interesting and it draws you in
2. nice showing the changes that took place in ten years
3. good job showing the relationship, and hoiw bad it was

downsides (they are all really minor)
1. there was one or two times i was confused as to who we were seeign from. try to change Pov a little smoother
2. grammar (me pointing out grammar, didnt see that one coming)
3. since im assumign that you got the Aphor and Savina thing from warren ill say this but its a negligable detail: in warren aphor was cog when it fought savina

nice job and lookign forward to the next one. is this the first creative writing youve done?

[Jfab]

thanks, i know aphor was cog in warren, but this takes place before then, thats why i made it kind of made them resentful to the coalition, and it is the first creative writting i have done outside of school, and for my own reasons, not just because I had to

[Grey19]

Yes, there were a few issues with underuse of commas, and the dialogue didn't flow as it should have. You might try creating a new line for each time each character says something. For instance:
You wrote:

While walking back to his room, Goil was stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. He knew who is was and turned around with a smirk on his face. “Your still alive are you?” It was Emanuel. Emanuel had been Goil’s personal bodyguard when Goil was a child.

How it could be written differently:

While walking back to his room, Goil was stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. He knew who is was, and turned around with a smirk on his face.
“You're still alive, are you?”
It was Emanuel. Emanuel had been Goil’s personal bodyguard when Goil was a child.

Good work, though. Looking foward to chapter 2.

[Jfab]

alright here is chapter 2

Chapter 2
Goil was running through the streets of Jacinto in total darkness. He heard footsteps following him; he turned but saw nothing there. He peered out of the corner of his eye and saw a shadowy figure on the corner or the street. He called out to the person “Hey you, HEY YOU! What are you doing?” There was no answer. Goil ran towards the person. The person was wearing a black cloak with a hood that hid his face. Goil ripped the hood off the person and screamed. He awoke from his nightmare in a sweat.

A knock came on the door, “Enter,” Goil said. Servants entered into Goil’s room. “Sir your father has asked for your presence at the great hall.” Goil did not pay attention to the servant. He was too busy thinking about the hooded figure in his dream. “Sir?” asked the servant with a look of confusion on his face. “Tell my father I will be down in a bit,” Goil told the servant. “Yes sir, very good sir,” The servant bowing and clasping his hands together, left the room.

Alexi had been sitting in the great hall waiting for his son to join him when Secretary of Justice Eva Jensen had entered the hall. Jensen was a 30 year old widow of a soldier that died in combat. She was very beautiful. She had long sensual legs and even longer brown hair. She wore a tight fitting grey dress, standard uniform for all women in the Coalition, which showed yet hid her beautiful physique.

“Sir, we have reports from the Thyren government. They wish to speak to you on joining the Coalition.” Alexi smiled to himself when he heard of the news, Thyren was the hardest shell to crack, and he had plenty of informants within the government. It took them awhile to influence the senate and president, but Alexi thought to himself better now than never. “Eva please sit down to breakfast with me, I have a special guest that will be joining me soon.” Eva looked puzzled. A special guest? The Chancellor rarely had guest join him for dinner, let alone breakfast. No sooner had Eva sat down the Goil had descended from the top of the stair case to the table.

He looked about the room and saw his father and Emanuel Cage. Then he saw someone that he never thought he would see again. Goil reached the table and sat next to his father. He stared at Eva with admiration and with joy. He and Eva had been best friends since they were children. He had not seen her since they were 10. She was taken away with her family to Aphor to study at the world renowned Aphor Institution for Higher Learning. Eva looked surprised yet was happy to see her old friend. She knew that Goil was in prison but did not know that he had been released. Goil broke the silence first, “I cannot believe what I am seeing. You are working for my father?” Eva laughed, “I miss you too Goil,” they both got up and embraced each other with a strong, loving hug.

After breakfast they both walked around Havisu Park. They shared stories and laughed at each others jokes. It seemed like they had been together forever. Eva shared the loss of her husband with Goil. She started to cry and rested her head on Goil’s shoulder. Goil did not share his memories of prison. He kept that to himself. “Eva, what made you come back to work for my father?” Eva looked at the two swans swimming on top of the pond, she sighed, “I came back to work for your father after my parents died. We were driving along a mountain pass coming to Jacinto for vacation. We felt a tremor and part of the mountain side collapsed onto the highway. A boulder smashed the front of the car, killing my parents.” She paused and looked up to the sky, “Your father took me in after what he heard had happened; he let me join the Coalition and now look at me, Secretary of Justice.”

Goil felt angry inside. Not at Eva but at his father. “While I had been in jail his father had been adopting kids to take my place,” He thought to himself. Eva saw the look of anger in Goil’s face and knew what he was thinking about. “Goil, your father loves you very much, he might not show it at times but he does love you.” Goil smiled, “Yes he loves me, and he loves me because he has to love me, but let us not talk about father and I. We have a party to get ready for.” The both got up from the soft grass and walked back to HQ.

The great hall was adorned with black and gold fabrics. Many people were in attendance including the presidents of Aphor, Ephyra, and Thyren, and delegates from many other countries. Tables had been set on either side of the hall; the middle was now a dance floor. The main table was set on the stage. Alexi was sitting in the middle with Goil to his right and Emanuel Cage and next to Goil was Eva. Alexi stood up and addressed his guests.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I welcome you to our annual extravaganza. This year is very special for two reasons. First, my son Goil has returned from prison. He was a prisoner for ten years. Ten long years that showed his dedication to the Coalition!” Goil glared at his father. “Secondly I am proud to announce the joining of Aphor, Ephyra, and Thyren to the Coalition. This Coalition was but a dream, now with your governments and your people in the Coalition, believing in the Coalition, we can achieve power beyond our wildest dreams!” Alexi paused for the applause to commence. After it had died down he called for the feast to start.

Goil left the table followed closely by Eva. They headed for the dance floor and started to waltz along with the rest of the crowed assembled on the floor. “So Goil, how do you feel seeing your fathers hard work come into fruition?” Goil smiled “It’s nice for him to dawdle in the affair of governments, but that is not of my concern.” Eva looked at him deeply and started to open her mouth but Goil started to speak, “Eva don’t. Let us enjoy the evening as best we can without talking about my father.” They both did not speak of Alexi the rest of the night.
Alexi sat and starred around the room. Emanuel leaned close to him “Alexi, should I tell McGrath that all is ready?” Alexi looked at his hands and sighed, “Yes Emanuel tell McGrath to ready his troops and to enter the hall in twenty minutes.” Alexi stood up and silenced the music and the crowd. “My friends, this has been a wonderful event, and I will not forget it for quite some time. Bring out the wine!” Servants brought bottles of the finest wine in Sera and started to pour them into the cups of the guests. Goil and Eva looked at each other and decided it was the perfect time to leave. They walked up the stairs leading to Goil’s room but did not make it there. Goil kissed Eva sweetly on the forehead. Eva kissed his neck, then his lips. Goil had not felt like this in a long time.

Alexi stood up once more. “My guests please raise your glasses and make a toast to us, to the coalition, to a long life that leads to wealth and dominance!” Applause broke out amongst the crowds. They drank the wine to the very last drop. Suddenly General Timus McGrath entered the hall with ten soldiers. The guests were confused, what was going? That’s what they asked each other. President Daniels of Aphor spoke up, “Chancellor what is going on?” Alexi laughed “Ah President Daniels, I forgot to mention, this feast is also to usher in a new age, the age of the COG!” Daniels was dumbfounded.

“The COG? What is the COG Chancellor?” Alexi laughed once more “The COG is the Coalition of Ordered Governments, by taking control of Aphor, Ephyra, and Thyren, I can become the most powerful person in the world!” The presidents and guests of those three countries were outraged. Daniels walked straight up to Alexi “I will not allow you to do that Chancellor, if you kill us, what will happen then? You will be arrested and hung!” Alexi was now laughing like a mad man; you could see the blood lust in his eyes.

“Daniels I can do what I please, there is no one to stop me. It is not a matter of if I will kill you; it is a matter of when I will kill you!” Alexi crackled, took out a dagger from under the table and sliced Daniels neck. Daniels fell on top of Alexi bleeding from the mouth and from the neck. General McGrath told his soldiers to open fire upon the crowd, leave none alive. The soldiers obeyed orders perfectly. They had no mercy. Woman and Men alike were killed efficiently. Blood spattered over the walls and over the black and gold fabrics. A pool of blood was forming in the middle, blood soaking into the clothes of recently deceased.

Eva and Goil were sharing a moment of passion together when they heard the gunfire. They ran back to the great hall and opened the door. Eva started to cry and threw up into the bowl of punch. Goil was horrified at the massacre he had just witnessed.

[The Evil Hat]

good, i take it 2 was finsihed when you posted one? eva and goil left at the right time

positives:
1. interesting charecters
2. cool to see the COG takeover

downsides, really just like before:
1. i saw one or two instances with the grammar

[Jfab]

yea my gammar could be better, im doing the best i can with it, lol thanks i appreciate the comments, wish there was a bit more lol

[Jfab]

alright so im gonna just stop this fan fic

[Locust_Overseer42]

???

But...where's the Locust?

[Jfab]

there is no locust because this takes before the pendulum wars, its pretty far back, it shows the COG rise to power and what happened behind the scenes and all that

[Locust_Overseer42]

But...why did you stop it?

[Jfab]

im thinking about stopping it, it seems like no one is really reading it other and like 4 people, and i with basically no comments it seems like there really isnt any interest

[Locust_Overseer42]

But...what about the rum?

-Captain Jack Sparrow

[Jfab]

lmao, you know what i guess ill keep at it, but just for the run

[The Evil Hat]

dont stop i have one or two fans but im gonna finish

[Black Asgard]

Yeah, Jfab, it is quite good, my friend . I like the PoV, and I like the Hitler link you seem to have going, with Goil coming right from prison. The only discrepancies I see are the ones that Hat said.

How long before Warren is this? Because the Coalition accepted them 10 years prior, though theyve been spitting back and forth with Savnia for three hundred years. And oh, i never imagined there would be a country above Ephyra, but I like the name. Its in the club! woo! My only 'original' downside that sometimes the descriptions are a bit too wordy, but even still, theyre done excellently and flow very well.

Good job Jfab

[Jfab]

lol its set a little before the pendulum wars, not too far back, and thanks guys, I actually decided today to keep writting, ill post chp 3 when im done

[Jfab]

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT CHP 3 IS OUT NOW



Chp 3.
News of the massacre in the great hall spread like wild fire throughout Sera. This is what Alexi had wanted. His master plan was now coming into full effect. By dressing McGrath’s soldiers as Sovnians, he could start a world wide conflict. He was too smart to do that. Instead what he would do was to start a smear campaign against the Sovnians, start a political conflict that would lead to the brink of world war. He would come at the last moment to save the world, in return the world would trust him, and give supreme power to him. He laughed to himself. The plans that had been in the works for years were finally coming to fruition.

Goil had been troubled and confused at what happened over the weekend. A whole hall of guests, just massacred. And it happened right under his nose. How did he not notice Savnians in the building? How could his father not know? Goil had too many questions on his mind, but none of them he could answer. He needed to speak with his father. Goil hung his head and sighed. Talking to his father had not been easy in the past, why would it be easier now? Oh well, I’ve got to give it a shot, he thought to himself. He walked to his father’s room and knocked on the door. Alexi opened the door and looked surprised to see his son there. “What is wrong my son?” Asked Alexi. “Nothing father, I just wanted to know if we could talk.” Alexi was happy that his son wanted to talk with him. Alexi smiled at his son and they started walking down the stairs leading to the exit of the building.
It was a beautiful day in Ephyra, the largest city of Jacinto.

The sky was clear and there was not a cloud to be seen in it. They walked down towards the Habrider River. They talked about what had happened while Goil was in prison. Life had basically stayed the same. The Coalition grew, but to no great extent. The paused by the edge of the river and were quiet for a moment, sharing the moment together, as only a father and a son could. Alexi broke the silence. “Goil, I know that our relationship has not been the best since your mother died, and I am sorry for that, but I want you to know that I truly do love you.”

Goil was shocked by what his father had said. Goil was about to speak, but it seemed that his father was not done. “Son I also haven’t been truthful with you. And I know that you haven’t been truthful with me. Let us change that and be open to each other. I do not know how much longer I have left on this planet, but however long it is, I want to share it with you at my right side.”

Goil’s eyes started to water, they embraced each other. This time is was different than when they first embraced each other on the helipad. This time, they embraced each other with love, and happiness. “Dad, if you want to be honest. I need to know this. What happened this weekend at the feast?”

Alexi let out a deep sigh. He knew that his son would ask him this question. “Goil, this weekend it was not the Sovnian military that massacred those people at the feast. It was my military. I am the man behind the murders. I had General McGrath order his troops to kill those poor souls so that I could achieve my ultimate goal of world domination. Yes my son I said it, I want to rule the world.”
Goil was horrified. How could his father commit such a heinous act? Goil had nothing to say to his father. They walked back to the complex in silence. It would be the last time Goil would see his father alive.

That night Goil had told Eva what his father had told him. She was shocked and appalled; they both decided that it was time to leave Jacinto, and to leave the Coalition. They packed their belongings and headed for a place that hated the Coalition, where there was no sign of the Coalition, Sovnia.

Transportation between countries was open and free, no countries had closed its borders to each other at the time. The train ride from Jacinto to Sovnia took two days. Goil and Eva stepped out of the train and looked at the land around them. Sovnia was not a poor country, but it did have its problems with its economies. Many of the factories that operated in Sovnia had closed down because companies had outsourced its operations to countries over seas where there could be more production at a lower cost.
Goil led Eva to the road in front of the train station. He signaled for a ride. He told the driver to bring them to 509 Yoland Ave. This is place where Goil’s life would change forever. They left the car and walked to the door. Before Goil could knock on the door, Eva stopped him. “Goil who lives here?”

Goil smiled, “Believe me you know this man well, you will be surprised to see him though,” he knocked on the door. A man answered it and Eva let out a gasp. The man that opened the door was none other than Goil and Eva’s childhood friend Adam Fenix. Adam was living in Sovnia earning his doctorates in some kind of science, Goil did not care to remember at the moment. They looked at each other and Adam grabbed both Goil and Eva and hugged them until they started to turn blue in the face.

Adam spoke with a great smile on his face. “Come in, Come in. What are you guys doing here? It is such a surprise to see you both. Eva you look as beautiful as ever. Goil, your still as ugly as ever.” The all laughed.

The sat and reminisced about the good old days. The laughed and joked. Then they got down to business. Adam knew that they would just not show up to his house for a visit out of the blue. He asked them what happened. Goil sighed, told Adam the whole story and then rested his head in his hands as if he had done the terrible deed. Before Adam could speak they head loud explosions near by.

The three friends walked outside and were horrified at what they were witnessing.

[WaldoRtk7]

Lol, and no one cares! j/k I do but I am still working on 16, our little insanity earlier kinda put me back.

[Jfab]

lol i wish we could still do it, i wonder where it could have gone

[WaldoRtk7]

To hell and back to the stars and farther! I am just glad Black quit pretending to be Rfab, there is a reason he is still in Megatron!

[The Evil Hat]

pretty good chapter although a bit cheesy at parts. what are yo guys talking about?

[Black Asgard]

*unchains rfab*

[The Evil Hat]

*unchains rfab*

wtf is Rfab?

[Fox_Starwing]

I think it might be "WHO the eff is Rfab."

[WaldoRtk7]

He is Jfab's evil twin that BLACK decided to pretend to be last night. Some one posted in the wrong forum and we took full advantage of it. It was a war between Dalina and black versus Me and Jfab, I don't think anyone won but it was as funny as hell. But flak deleted the thread , Evil we gave your fortress to Black and we moved our base to Asgard, you need to kill ranger!

[Jfab]

yea and just because you called my fic cheesey at parts you have to kill ranger and do something else

[USRangerJohn]

yea and just because you called my fic cheesey at parts you have to kill ranger and do something else

Huh?????????

[Jfab]

LMFAO you havent been here in a while you missed a lot, me and waldo are in an alliance and you and hat were in one, and hat wants a super fortress, but we wont let him until he kills you lmao

[carmine0122]

very nice i like it so far

[The Evil Hat]

sorry ranger *stabds ranger* now give me my damn fortress back!

[USRangerJohn]

ugh hat you betrayed me! Fine Ill build my own super fortress. Itll be cooler then yours! Sigh

[WaldoRtk7]

HAHAHA, go ahead it won't save you! You might wanna find some new allies!

[Black Asgard]

Declaration of War from the COA

Coalition of Authors
We three, Black Asgard, Dalina, and USRangerJohn hereby declare war as brothers and sister on the PWNers Jfab and Waldo. To war!

Signed,

Black Asgard USRangerJohn Dalina

[WaldoRtk7]

You can't sign for them, and Jfab and I have to sign it 2!

[Black Asgard]

what? You're not in our alliance! You get your hands off my consitution you filthy monarch!